Paternity leave « Hellobee Boards

My husband will be taking three weeks of paternity leave.
I am likely having my csection on Tuesday, September 2 and will be in the hospital through Friday.

Today, my mom suggested DH work Wednesday and Thursday, then take his three weeks of leave. He has more than enough vacation time to take off Tuesday (baby's bday) and Friday (day is come home). This way, he'd be home with us for three full weeks. Otherwise, one week is "wasted" with me in the hospital.

She has a good point. I'll need more help at home with the girls than I will while I'm in the hospital. Between my mom and his, we can figure out childcare for Chloe those three days.

The con is I really don't want to be alone all day in the hospital, and he will be tired and running around (work, hospital, home).

What do you think? We are really unsure of this! Another option is to postpone my section until that Friday.
I want to make the most out of his leave. I'm a little anxious having two kids, recovering from a section and being on my own!

Pepper
pomelo / 5820 posts

Jul 18, 2014

I think I'd rather have him at home for the three weeks. It might be a bit stressful for those few days, but I think it'll be worth it once he's home while you're recovering. So soon!
yoursilverlining
eggplant / 11824 posts

Jul 18, 2014

I’d try to move your section to Thursday or Friday. If that won’t work, I think I would rather have him at home with me for 3 full weeks. When I was in the hospital after my section, there really wasn’t anything to do; so besides being nice to have company, I really didn’t “need” my husband there for anything.

Another thought is that maybe he could work ½ days for W/T/F? Spend some of the day in the office, some of the day with you.
Mrs. Jump Rope
blogger / coconut / 8306 posts

Jul 18, 2014

@yoursilverlining: yup! He'd have the option of half days, too.

To be honest, I might enjoy the quiet time. Can I consider a hospital stay a vacation? The calm before the storm?

ETA: I don't want him to miss out on the baby snuggles the first few days. We really cherished our quiet time together in the hospital with Chloe. I'll have to chat more with him about his wants/needs for this birth.
yoursilverlining
eggplant / 11824 posts

Jul 18, 2014

@Mrs. Jump Rope: haha, I *totally* get the quiet time! my husband had planned to spend the night in the hospital with me (!!!) and I was like "no please, go home - for reals, I need a break"
Mrs. Jump Rope
blogger / coconut / 8306 posts

Jul 18, 2014

@yoursilverlining: he spent the night with me when we had Chloe but this time, we agreed he'd sleep at home. I want as little disruption to Chloe as possible. It's my first time away from her for more than a night, and she won't sleep well at anyone else's house.
It's not like you get a ton of rest anyway, with everyone coming in and out of your room! I figure one of us should be rested, since we've got big sis at home who isn't going to understand our level of exhaustion.

I plan to send the baby to the nursery this time!
lamariniere
pineapple / 12566 posts

Jul 18, 2014

I would have him be present for the birth then work until the three full weeks start. As a second time mom, you probably won't *need* him in the hospital with you.
Smurfette
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts

Jul 18, 2014

I would have him work those days. Hospitals are boring. I would much rather him be at home a couple days so I have help with a toddler and a newborn.
LuLu Mom
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts

Jul 18, 2014

I'm selfish and would rather have DH in the hospital with me to help out after my section. I don't' want to be alone at that time.
T.H.O.U.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

Jul 18, 2014

I think we are going to have DH work. Assuming there are no health issues for me or the baby I will have plenty of friends and family that will be in and out of the hospital.
dagret
grapefruit / 4235 posts

Jul 18, 2014

@Mrs. Jump Rope: does his office offer the same amount of maternity and paternity leave? The EEOC ruled that companies have to offer equal amounts of each.

I've never had a c-section, and my #2 is on the way, but I think I'd rather have more help at home vs the hospital.
Mrs. Lion
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts

Jul 18, 2014

I dunno...I selfishly wouldn't want to be in the hospital alone. While we were in the hospital/nicu last time dh did some work from the hospital and was able to count those as partial/half days. That helped a little. He was able to take one full week plus two weeks of half days, and it worked out pretty well.
matador84
papaya / 10560 posts

Jul 18, 2014

I sent DH home both times in the hospital. Nurses could help me with anything j needed. I didn't feel lonely at all. I needed him to be rested so he could help me once I got home. Had I had him stay in the hospital, I know he would have been wiped out!
Mrs. Jump Rope
blogger / coconut / 8306 posts

Jul 18, 2014

@dagret: we were talking about this last night and the short answer is right now, we don't know.

He has several weeks of vacation saved, though. He can take 6, but we are choosing for him to take three. He took three when I had Chloe too.

We are also tossing around the possibility of him working half days the fourth week.

We are still talking about this. I agree I'll need less help in the hospital but won't want to be alone. I'm having her in a weekday and everyone works. My brother and sister live out of state. Unless DH is with me during the day, I'll be alone for most of it. Not complaining, but that's the reality of it.

We also agreed that I'm having her on a Tuesday and coming home on a Friday, so will him working Wednesday and Thursday even change anything vacation time wise? Not only that, but it's the only time we will have completely alone with the baby. I don't want to rob him of that experience!

Lots to think about and thankful for this flexibility. .
Mrs. Yoyo
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts

Jul 18, 2014

@Mrs. Jump Rope: I actually sent DH home after the first day so that he could watch DS1. So I was alone the whole second day and the third half day. Frankly? It was nice. Watched TV, cuddled/fed baby, enjoyed hospital room service, and just appreciated the quiet time while I had it. Granted, C/S recovery might be rougher, so there's that. But it really ended up kind of being a little bit of a vacation, ha.
spaniellove
honeydew / 7916 posts

Jul 18, 2014

@Mrs. Jump Rope: Personally I thought it was nice having DH in the hospital, not because I needed him medically (the nurses were awesome!) but just because we got to have that time together and he was there for LO's first few days. Even if you send the baby to the nursery it's that special time for the three of you together.
Mrs. Jump Rope
blogger / coconut / 8306 posts

Jul 18, 2014

@Mrs. Yoyo: I felt pretty good with my first recovery but I also had him there 24/7 so there was always someone beside me to help me up to go to the bathroom and shower. I could call a nurse, though!

We were talking about this more this evening, and he brought up two goods points:
- if I have the baby on a Tuesday, instead of delaying until Friday, everyone will be at work and our "please don't bombard us with visits" will be a moot point. It's a major win situation for us.
- he'd still be taking off Tuesday (birth day) and Friday (going home day), so what difference does Wednesday & Thursday make?

He cannot telecommute so that isn't an option, thoigh it was a great suggestion!

He said he will look into doing half days the fourth week I am home.
Mrs. Jump Rope
blogger / coconut / 8306 posts

Jul 18, 2014

@spaniellove: yes, I agree! I told him tonight I don't want to rob him if that bonding experience. And, honestly, it'll be the only three days it's just us!
Mrs.Panda
nectarine / 2358 posts

Jul 19, 2014

@Mrs. Jump Rope: I would just go ahead and have him take the days off. He should get those special moments too and it sounds like he wants to be there. And you're right, what's 2 more days off in the middle? He probably wouldn't be able to focus anyway!
.twist.
pineapple / 12802 posts

Jul 19, 2014

I agree that I would want the hospital time to myself and have my husband with me for the weeks after my hospital stay.

Only based on my one and only hospital stay after L was born, the nurses were really good to me and it's kind of like having room service. LOL.

But, in all seriousness, I agree that he'd be more helpful at home!
regberadaisy
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts

Jul 20, 2014

For us there's no way DH would leave me alone at the hospital unless we had no care for M. So I vote take off Wednesday and Thursday unless you opt to push your date back.

Butttt my mom will also be here with me so I know I will have help. Assuming I deliver after she arrives.

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