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Following - I have the same fears!

I think it's horrible that you're surrounded by such negativity! My experience was 180 degrees from that - we had the easiest, calmest, most relaxed newborn period ever. I was always tired from her overnight nursing, but we still had the same lovely life. We explored our new city, we went out to eat, I recovered from giving birth. We did plenty of travel to our family a few hours away. We saw friends, hung out. It was all very easy and lovely.

Your ability to do these things depends on two things - your baby, and your attitude. Obviously all you can control is your attitude. If your baby is hard to feed, or cries for no reason, or wakes up every hour to eat, or has their day and nights flipped - that's harder. But my baby wasn't like that, and tons aren't.

What you can do is chill out - preemptively. Let go of attempting to control everything, of trying to run the show, of knowing what to expect. Know that trying to put your baby on a strict schedule will limit your ability to live your own life. Let go of the idea that babies nurse for 10 minute a side, every three hours, and just go with it. Let go of whatever amount of housework/social life/yard work that stresses you out, and get help with the rest.

I seriously believe that absent a really difficult baby, it's possible to really enjoy a lot of the first year of a their lives. No one enjoys sleep deprivation - but it is absolutely possible to keep having an awesome life. I did it, you can too.

ETA: I had complications, plus a baby in the NICU for a week. The day after we brought her home we went straight to the dog park, and then to a fun little cafe. You can do it!

It wasn't horrible at all! I feel like my life is still mine, but I'm accompanied by the most adorable little sidekick. The first few days were tough but by the second week it was the new normal.

I don't think your expectations are crazy or unattainable. We didn't have any issues that kept us from doing things, but we did have issues at home & the communication between DH & I really broke down the first couple months.. so much that even though it was just 2 months it took probably through the rest of P's first year for us to really re-connect & feel like "us" again.

It can definitely be done though... Key is that both of you are always clear about your needs & expectations. You're on the same team & sometimes with such a huge change it's hard to remember that.

I think it all depend on the type of baby you have. We were expecting a major lifestyle change but R hated the car seat. So we were stuck at home for a month and half till she grew out of it more. Now at 11 weeks it is still iffy on days. We knew we would have to give up our dinners out just us or with friends. But we had no clue about not being able to go to lunch or just running errands. I mean you always hear how babies love car seats.

She also since day one will only fall asleep in our arms and will wake up from naps when we put her down. Again that wasn't something we had thought to think about.

The lack of sleep was easier to deal with then feeling like a prisoner at home. Now things are much better and it is just normal. Granted we still have to leave restaurants cause she has a meltdown but that is expected with a baby.

For me, it wasn't overly hard, exhausting, awful, etc. I was so overwhelmed with happiness! I was so content with how my life had changed. I look back on those first few months, as the best days of my life and so does DH!

We are 7.5 weeks in and can't count the number of places we've gone with A, either in his car seat or wearing him. Recently we just went on a mini vacation and staying in the hotel was fine as was sightseeing and even a carriage ride. Some days I don't personally have the energy to go out and do something but I find it's always better when we do go out even if it's just to the grocery store.

The nerves are normal, but we've found that with a bit of extra thought and some extra time for emergency diaper changes we've been fine!

@deerylou: We have friends on both sides - some have described the first three months as pure hell, and others have said it was amazing... So I guess I'm wandering into the great unknown. The responses here are very reassuring! I think some people just love to tell (and exaggerate) horror stories. I'm so glad to know so many Bees had a wonderful transition!

Like others have said it really depends on you and the temperament of your baby.

For us we stayed pretty close to home the first month and a half. Our first trip out of the house was at two weeks and just a short walk to the park and back. For us walks got to be pretty manageable and low preparation ( for me and him) so it was fairly easy.

Now at 3.5 months we are better at going out. I don't like being out too long because my son gets over stimulated and it is a little more tiring.

To answer your question I don't think you're overly ambitious but don't expect it to be as easy as pick up and go when it was just you.

My husband struggles with depression and he has been pretty much unable to help me. That being said, MY personal transition to motherhood has been very easy. Honestly, I feel (and have always felt) that I was meant to be a mom. It doesn't hurt that I have a lot of experience with babies and my LO is pretty easy going. But even with all my husband's drama and having almost zero help, it has been an incredible time and I've loved (almost) every minute of it. Even the few days that she was incredibly fussy and I was sleep deprived, I was SO grateful for her, and I made a conscious effort not to wish away any moment. I know she will be all grown up before I realize it and I know there are so many people out there who struggle with infertility who would give anything for this experience. Even when it's been hard, I've never taken it for granted and I think that's helped me. Also, when I've needed a break, I've figured out how to get one - I've taken her to the daycare at my gym, plopped her in her crib (if she was crying nonstop & I was going crazy, just so I could step outside for a minute and take a breath), or even put her in front of the tv for 10 minutes (gasp).

I was able to study for a 4-hr licensing exam during the time that she was 0-3 months... I took the exam when she was 12 weeks and passed with flying colors (although I actually didn't get much sleep the night before)!

Also, even though I had to get up to nurse the baby in the night, in the beginning I was still sleeping better than I was when I was pregnant and I physically felt better. by the time she was 8 weeks, she'd sleep 7 hrs at a time. Since I wasn't working then, we could both go to bed around 11 and get up at 6. It actually got harder when I went back to work (and she went to daycare) and she had to start going to bed at 7:30, moving her wake up to 2:30 or 3:30am.

Anyway, I think it's hard to predict how it's going to be, but I definitely think there's a good chance it will be totally fine!

Our first several months were fantastic! LO was an easy newborn, and it was easy for us to be out and about. We hit our rough patch at 6.5-7 months. It was the middle of winter and I think I was dealing with some seasonal depression.

Totally depends on the baby. Mine loves being outside and being worn, I've managed to do some sewing, read a couple books, and finish grad school while home with her. She also sleeps 6 hour stretches now and was doing 3-4 when we brought her home, so I never hit severe sleep deprivation. I just slept in until 9 with her for a bit. The first month was the toughest, just adjusting and schedules and pumping and yadda yadda. I was so content to just watch tv with her and keep the house clean and cook. Now I'm bored and we get out and about a lot more at 7 weeks. I have a book on my kindle I can't wait to read. I still play in a softball league once a week. I work out. Etc

2 weeks PP, I got out for a girls night. I haven't had to turn any invitations down that I wanted to attend. All of the things you've mentioned, I could and would do with my baby. So sometimes, you get lucky. Just know it could go either way

I feel like the horror stories are worse than what I experienced. I think around Week 6, I started trying to get some semblance of a normal life back. But of course things are really different. I think it all "comes in time."

Also, before baby came, I thought I would still want to go out, do all sorts of things eventually. But now, even the thought of leaving baby with the grandparents overnight or for a few nights, it's been REALLY hard for me to find a situation where I'd think it'd be worth it.

Even though there were major life changes, I think it hasn't been a tough transition. Preparing for the worst probably made the transition easier!

I think it's very possible to have a positive transition. I'm not very good staying at home so for most of my maternity leave I would wear the boy and do whatever fun activity i wanted to do. I even walked Ciclavia (a bi-annual LA activity where they shut down 10 miles of city streets and 100,000 walk, run and ride their bikes) with the boy when he was a month old!
I would highly recommend not scheduling your child into the ground. Remember every schedule that you create for your baby, you're also creating for yourself. At the very beginning I let E sleep in the moby wrap while did my thing and we were both happy. We made some adjustments: we went out a lot during the day rather than the night, watched more movies at home instead of out, and because I needed my culture fix and couldn't get to the theater or go see a concert, I started going to tons of art galleries. Things are a little harder now that E is running around and getting into everything but those first few months were pretty sweet.
(But I seriously doubt you'll be reading much. I was a voracious reader before the boy arrived. When he showed up, I used his nap times to sleep or shower or do house work or read a new parenting blog. I basically stopped reading books for months)