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Middle school is so hard. Does she have semesters or trimesters? Can she wait until her classes change to see if she'll be with any of her friends then? In high school, I was in advanced classes and I didn't have anyone in my grade in those classes so I ended up hanging out with people who weren't so great. Looking back, I should have switched because those people really influenced me in a negative way. I know growing up is about learning to cope in different social settings but if she's really unhappy, maybe it would be best.

That sounds so tough! Are there any clubs or sports she can join at the school?

Does her school have clubs she can join so she can start to assimilate to another group? You are being a great mom by trying to help! I work with pre-teens & teens at church all the time and it's tough to see the shy ones struggling. She def needs to know that it's better off to sit alone than to be around the negative/toxic environment. Every year friendship dynamics change anyway so she WILL be able to find new friends! It may take a while but she is blessed to have a mom that is supportive!

@mrsmenow: can you diversify the people she comes in contact with? (That was such a formal answer!) I just know that when we moved to a small town where everyone was from there and related ... it helped me to have another social outlet. Like maybe a sports team where kids are from different schools around town? Or an art league or whatever her interests are... so it isn't just kids from school she has to chose from? (I don't know if this helps, just an idea!)

I was your daughter in middle school. It was the WORST for me.

I had a horrible situation where I was moved twice in elementary school (we didn't move, but my school closed, I went to a new one, the the old school reopened) so I made new friends at the new school, then was ripped away from them for 5th grade.

When I went to middle school, I only knew one or two people in my class, and they were from the "new" elementary school and had made new friends in the 5th grade that I didn't know.

One thing that helped, was that my mom knew the mom of one of the other students (they worked together) so they got us together outside of school so she was sort of an instant friend.

Then things got a little better when I joined the band and got to see more people that I knew before I went to that school.

Unfortunately, it got worse again in the 8th grade when a new school opened and all my new friends were switched to another school. Then when we met up again in high school, once again, my old friends had new friends.

Honestly, I think that whole situation of moving kids around sort of traumatized me. I'm still somewhat reluctant to become too friendly with new people.

Encouraging her to join groups is great. And if you know of other kids her age, maybe talk to their parents about getting the kids together outside of school

Middle school is so bad.... I think my parents are still traumatized at how bad it was for me! I spent a lot of time in extracurricular activities- and tried to make new friends there!
Hope it gets better for her (and you) soon!

I don't think there is anything you can do. Middle school suuuucks. And I agree about not trying to push her into making new friends or making suggestions how to do so. I went through an awkward friend transition in middle school and every weekend when my mom would ask if I had made any plans or if I wanted to invite anyone over I would just feel so bad about myself that I didn't have anyone I felt I could invite over. I think it is impossible for parents to really understand the politics of middle school life and this is something she is just going to have to work out for herself. Unless she specifically asks you to do something, I think the best thing to do is not push her about finding new friends and just let her work it out herself. Could you maybe ask her if she'd like to do some non-school activities? (Not specifically to find new friends, but to find something fun to do that would just involve different people and maybe there would be friends there!). Like a community theater thing or some sort of intramural sport or even a volunteer program she could get involved in?

This is going to sound out of the blue, but does she have a pet? You're not going to be able to foster relationships for her. It's just going to feel awkward for her. But, a pet can really help self esteem at that age. I had a similar situation, and in the middle of 6th grade, my parents got me a dog that really helped me grow more confident in myself.