Hubby left for an overnight trip for work.
I'm super emotional.
Reality has hit me: in less than 10 weeks I'll be having this baby and I am beyond scared out of my mind. So scared I'm sitting here so upset and don't know what to do.
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You will be ok! Your husband will come back, you'll have your baby and that little one is going to love you SO MUCH!
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Ohh lady, I feel for you. It's terrifying, knowing that you have no control over the situation. But you'll do great- you'll get through it because it's what you were made to do!
Reading birth stories really helped me, and Ina May Gaskin's Childbirth book too- a lot of amazing information.
Message me if you need anything- I've got 6 weeks left and I'm panicking a little too! -
You are going to do great. I was terrified of the entire process but you will make it and have a wonderful little baby soon to snuggle. The unknown is always the worst but you will amaze yourself with your mommy instincts!
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I ha a minimum of 1 breakdown a week for the last 10 weeks or so of my pregnancy. I remember one in particular when I had been at a bachelorette party all day and my husband was out at the bachelor party for the guy of the couple - i got home around 9pm after watching all my friends get shitfaced, and I knew my husband would be coming home shitfaced god knows when, and I went into full on mourning of my old life and started having massive regrets about starting a family....my husband came home mostly sober an hour or so later and found me in a ball on the couch. Wasn't my finest hour but emotions just have to come out, and I always felt much better after my breakdowns.
The best advice i got pre-baby is that there is a learning curve for everything - a newborn is a massive shock but all you are really responsible for is keeping them fed (by whatever means necessary), warm and loved. The new responsibilities come up gradually and you usually have time to adjust. I've found that to be true in my 17 months of parenting. I used to freak out seeing my friends with their one-year-olds and how much their lives had changed, but now that I'm there I feel at peace and settled into our new life.
Good luck! Cry it out whenever you need to, its good for the soul
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Everyone fears the unknown. It's tough at times but so so amazing at the end of the day! Some moments you'll totally want to run away alone and think what the hell did we do?! But those moments are fleeting, promise! I prepared for beyond the worst thing ever and was pleasantly surprised how "not bad" it was. You're going to be a great mommy! Just wait until that sweet baby smiles at you or says mama or runs to you screaming in happiness when they see you, or wants you to comfort them, or plants a big wet Kiss on you, or wraps their tiny arms and chubby hands around you for a hug. Those are the best moments and make it all worth it!!!!
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I definitely had those moments before I had my first, normal, and it will be great. And just last week DH was away for work (I'm 34 weeks preggo) and he will be traveling 2x right after our second is born, and I had an emotional breakdown. Agreed, fear of the unknown, terrified of having 2 kids and the thought of managing them alone FREAKS me out. Stresssssss. I digress, I had the same freak outs prior to baby 1 and it all totally worked out. I need to tell myself it will be fine, it will!
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So what are you scared about? Everything? Or is there something in particular that is scaring you?
I'm 4 weeks away if these babies stay in and it's scary to me, too. I was asking my sister about her son's birth and I realized this morning that I don't really know the stages of giving birth. I haven't had many contractions so I haven't felt any real pain yet. I was asking my sister when her contractions started hurting. I thought you would have a painful one every now and then to prepare you for labor but my sister said it got painful the day she went into labor. So right now, I'm afraid of the pain. As for having nicu babies, I think talking to the nicu doc on what to expect makes me a bit at ease that our babies will be taken care of.
I think I need to read up on my pregnancy book and child birth book to help better prepare myself on what's to come. -
Thanks for the kind words.
I'm most scared of childbirth itself. We all manage to be mommas and poppas as we need to, but the whole idea of actually giving birth is what is freaking me out.
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@babycanuck: You'll be great! I agree with @Mrs. Oatmeal: that reading birth stories calmed my nerves. There are a ton here on the boards and on the blog.
There's also an old podcast "Pregtastic" that hasn't had new episodes in a while (I think they switched their format slightly and are now under "Preggie Pals") but the archives of Pregtastic have some great birth stories. I listened to all of them in my car on the way to and from work in my last few months of pregnancy.
But know yourself! For me, it was calming and reassuring to hear all the things that can happen during the experience. I would imagine for some other people, it would totally freak them out.
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@babycanuck: regarding childbirth itself. I was totally scared (I think most are) and once again fear of the unknown was worse than the actual experience. I tried to not think about it leading up to it because it's going to happen whether I want it to or not! I started freaking out and crying when they said it was time to push! I called my sister and friend and they combined with the nurse calmed me right down. Right after dd was born I was like omg that wasn't too bad I'd totally do it again! Yay epidural and adrenaline/hormones. You hear sooo many horror stories but it really wasn't bad. Recovery was the worst part of it al for me.
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@babycanuck: I was pretty scared of actual childbirth as well with our first. Just the unknown is super scary, and my birth didn't go quite as well as I had hoped.
The good thing is, it's almost instinctual as it's happening, and it's very surreal. I knew immediately when I had my first contraction that I was starting labor. I knew it was time to call the doctor when they were getting to be around 5 minutes apart. I knew I was ready for an epidural once we got to the hospital (I was willing to try a natural birth, but was throwing up from the pain of contractions and knew I wanted medication then). I knew when I was ready to push, and I knew after 2 hours that I had been pushing for too long. I knew that I had a fever before I told them and made them check my temperature. And I then knew that would result in a C-section that I didn't want, but was necessary for the health of baby.
I knew there was something wrong when I didn't hear him crying right away, and it was the most amazing sound in the world when I finally did hear that cry. Looking into his eyes was the best moment of my life.
I know you're scared, but if there was one thing that I could go back and tell my pregnant self...it would be that it will all work out and be ok, and there's nothing to be afraid of. There are people who love and care about you that will be there and amazing doctors and nurses that will do everything in their power to ensure that you and your baby are cared for as well.
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I was so scared of childbirth. But in the end, with the help of my epidural, it was a breeze. It was 100x easier then I was expecting it to me. Hugs! It will be ok!
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You will be fine! I went into my induction feeling so ready to have the baby (to not be pregnant and to meet him) but I felt very unprepared regarding birthing techniques.
I had a doula (that experience wasn't great), but what helped me the most was the L&D nurses. They were fabulous! They do this every day with all different patients and the nurse who was there at my delivery really helped. Even when I was pushing and there were 5 doctors in the room, I kept looking to her for support.
Just try to remember that you have a team of experts with you and they will help you get that baby out. That, and imagine the feeling you'll have once LO is finally here! It's true, that's the part you remember the most
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I'm 39 weeks and pretty scared of the labor process too. But by the time you reach the end of pregnancy, you're so tired of being pregnant that labor begins to sound not so bad if it means relief.
I think I'm actually more nervous about taking care of a newborn because the sleep deprivation phase lasts longer than labor. Another thing that has helped is attending a childbirth class at our hospital. They covered all the different things that can happen during birth, from completely med free to epidural to c-section, so that at least gave us a better sense of what to expect.
Even with all the preparations though, it's one of those things that you won't know exactly how it will happen until it does. I'm crossing my fingers that my epidural works!!
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Hugs! I pretty much freaked out the whole pregnancy about giving birth, just b/c there is nooo way of knowing how it will go! I had a induction, and there were so scary moments, painful moments, but honestly, at the hospital, all I cared was that my baby was safe, healthy, etc! You can do it! I am a huuuuge pain wuss (I have no pain tolerance, never had surgery, etc) so if I could do it, so can you!!!
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@babycanuck: I was terrified of giving birth and I opted to see a therapist, it really helped. M travels for work too. And I gave him the ok to be gone overnight at 38 weeks. He was only 90 minutes away. I remember sitting in my living room thinking I would never be alone overnight again.
What kept me going was knowing labor is only one day (in my case two) and I would be on the other side soon. Having a newborn was easier than those last few weeks (I had vertigo on and off for the last 6 weeks, did not feel comfortable driving, was induced for pre e) But now I can barely remember the stress and fear. Just focus on small tasks that can help you prep. Make time for family and friends.
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What you'll do is have a baby. And it will hurt but you'll be fine and so will your baby. And you'll take your baby home an you'll be tired but you'll be fine then too. Then at some point you'll fall in love with your new baby (your actual baby not just the idea of your baby) and you'll be much more than fine.
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@babycanuck: please don't worry! hopefully you'll have an easy labor. And it's scary of course, but maybe it won't be as bad as you think. I thought labor was supposed to hurt something awful, but it didn't hurt at all between contractons. And even the contractions aren't that bad if you're in a comfortable position and keep breathing.
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@babycanuck: I remember feeling the same way- like all of a sudden it got real!
What helped me was thinking of all the moms I knew that were big wimps or complete basket cases with phobias or complained about everything. And I told myself, if they could do it, so could I!
And I did
One of my late cervical checks made me jump in pain and I asked my OB, how in the world would I be able to tolerate labor? She said, "with an epidural". Honestly, the checks were worse than giving birth and I had what people would say was a 'difficult' birth with a giant posterior baby, vacuum and giant episiotomy to get him out. Thanks to the epidural, I didn't feel the cut or any stitches.You got this!
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Keep in mind as well - I heard from A LOT of natural birth advocates that a gentle entry into the world (unmedicated and without intervention) will mean a happy settled baby - I felt as if any intervention would jepordise those first few days/weeks with my baby. In the end I had almost every intervention you can have (just short of a c-section) and my son was the loveliest newborn. I know it can just as easily go the other way but don't let anyone scare you into going through labour in any way besides the way you want to. You might not know now what that is, but when it starts follow your instincts and do what feels right for you, and advocate for yourself as much as possible. You'll be awesome
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What helped me was remembering that the only way out is through and it will all be over in one or two days!
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