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I am still struggling with this too, so I am interested to see what others have to say.

My mother is COMPLETELY whipped (for lack of a better word) by Claire and will let her get away with murder. Claire is now 1 year old and my mother STILL has trouble putting her to bed! (And Claire knows this too, so she will refuse all naps and bedtimes with her maternal grandma.)

On the other hand, my MIL is a firm believer that it's never too early to discipline a child. Not with spanking, but in saying "No" frequently, taking away anything aside from food that she puts in her mouth, etc. She says that it's easier to form good habits now than try to break bad habits later. But because she's probably the biggest disciplinarian that Claire currently has in her life, Claire dislikes her the most.

I think that I'm on a middle ground between these two, and as much as I try my best to tell my mother to be more firm, or to tell my MIL to loosen up some, they are both set in their ways and while they *may* listen to me when I am around, I am pretty certain that they do whatever they want when I'm not there.

I always tell my friends that if given a choice between a grandparent and a nanny, it's easier to go with a nanny. Because at least then, you are paying them and it's their job to listen to you!

My husband takes care of Laneybug while I'm at work but about once a month one set of her grandparents take her overnight to have some bonding time and give us a mommy/daddy break. I know I'm being harsh but my standard rule is if you want the baby to stay at your house you follow my rules. Its too hard to get her back on her schedule/routine after a weekend completely off. I know you're in a different position because they'll be the full time caregivers while you're at work but I still say you need to come up with a consistent set of rules that you want followed. It may not matter to a small baby but eventually it's going to be confusing for the baby to have different rules in different environments.

My mom watched my son 3 days a week from the time he was 3 months old to 1 year old. The other 2 days he went to an in-home daycare, the lady (let's call her M) was pretty strict with scheduling.

Of course my mom wouldn't always go by the schedule and not wake him up when she was supposed to or let him sleep earlier than the schedule. So when he went to M's house, I always got a report back that he didn't nap well. I know she does "cry it out" for naps so I can just picture him crying for who knows how long I finally told my mom that if she doesn't follow the schedule he cries all day when he is at the other place. She finally listened to me. It was frustrating that I always had to check in on her when i was at work to make sure she was doing it, but I shouldn't complain because I wasn't paying her.

Sorry, this doesn't address your specific situation but just sharing my experience. I loved that my mom watched him because she loves him more than anyone does except his parents. She also did our laundry, cooked and cleaned while I was at work. Ugh I miss that!

It's been over a year since both sets of grandparents have been watching my little guy. I think it's important to have rules in place where everyone can agree (i.e. schedules, food, etc.) before the baby is 1. Reason why I bring this up is because babies are pretty smart and they know how to manipulate the situation.

For example... my MIL lets N get away with anything, so after a point in time (before he was ready to) he stopped taking his second naps on the days she watched him. He had no problems going down with my parents or with us. We had issues where on a few of those days, he would have a later bedtime since when we got him he would be cranky and we would have to put him down for a nap for at least an hour.

I think in the beginning its important that grandparents try to follow the rules of the parents, but as the child grows up, it's ok to be more flexible and allow the grandparents to "do their thing". I know how hard it is for them to be discipline him when all they want to do is love him.

We're not even to that point yet and I'm nervous about this. My mom is very "as long as she's happy..." but she needs to realize that sometimes we do things for the kid's own good and it might not make them happy! Like other's mentioned, nap time, letting them eat all sorts of sugar that will give them a tummy ache, etc. So there will be rules for us!

Right now I don't like to leave my LO too much so we don't have to worry, but we're learning with my dog My mom dog sits and he'll come back smelling like butt. She let him roll around in some dead animal or poo or something "because he was having so much fun!" Ok, but it's gross! And that's when our rules started.