I have a friend on facebook who I rarely talk to but I like her photos and occasionally comment. This morning she posted a photos of her 11 month old daughter forward facing and I am debating if I should say something or not. We aren't good friends, more like old co-workers, so I am not really that worried about losing a friend but I also don't want to come across like a sanctimommy.
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I probably wouldn't. Is it against the law in your state?
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I wouldn't. Also, this may be a stupid question, but are you sure she's ff? I sent my mom and MIL a pic of LO1 in her new convertible seat when we got it at 8 months and they both thought she was forward facing from the angle of the pic.
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Unless it's illegal, I wouldn't say anything.
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@Mrs. Pickle: I agree, if it's against the law you could pull the whole "I had no idea about this! Don't want you to get a ticket :)" but otherwise, I just clench my jaw and move on. Almost every single car seat pic I see from my Facebook friends, mostly coworkers, are forward facing. And I am a nurse! You'd think they would be more cautious.
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Not on social media. Yes if you saw her in person doing it. Up until 15 years ago we had no idea what people were doing useless we saw them.
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It's illegal in my state. And she's definitely ff, there are other cars in the photo that show the orientation of the seat.
I worry myself about not saying something and having that little girl get hurt. This sucks. -
I would only say something if it was illegal, and even then I wouldn't do it on social media unless I sent a private message.
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Since its illegal, I would maybe consider just sending her a PM with a link to the law and a link to the new recommendations. Note that you care and just wanted to be sure she was informed.
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@youboots: I definitely wouldn't comment on her photo, I would probably message her privately.
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I don't want to sound cavalier about this, but there are a lot of things parents do everyday that could result in their kid getting hurt (car seats, strollers in carriages, not strapping into high chairs, no helmets on bikes, using bike trailers too early, etc....). We can't/shouldn't correct every potential mistake because it pops up in a social media feed. If you encountered that person in real life and there was an immediate threat, ok, say something. But otherwise, it's almost never appropriate IMO.
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@Mrs. Cereal: I just ad this happen with a friend of mine. He posted a picture of his 13mo ff in his car seat. LIke 2 weeks later, PA changed the car seat law so that kids have to rf until 2 years old. I sent him a private message on IG and told him about it from the perspective of "hey, not sure if you knew, but PA just changed the law within the past week or so!" He was really grateful, since he hadn't heard the law had changed. So if you approach it from the legality rather than the safety, it might come across better and less santi-mommy-ous.
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I had this same issue come up with a close friend who had her 9 month old forward-facing. I texted her to let her know it was illegal till age 1 and she said she wasn't aware of that (though never fixed it either). But at least since I told her it wouldn't be on my conscious if something did happen and I hadn't said anything.
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I would just share an info graphic with car seat info on your own page and hope she sees it.
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@jedeve: This was also on my mind. I think this is what I am leaning towards doing.
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I wouldn't say anything.
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I would say something because it is a legal issue. It's astonishing how many people don't know the law - I had to look it up when we had a kid 'cuz I honestly had no idea. I think coming from a place of legal concern is OK - "hey, I saw your pic of LO and wasn't sure if you knew but the law in our state is that they have to be rear facing until 12 months/x lbs/whatever. I'd hate for you to get a ticket!" If it was after 12 months, yeah, I wouldn't say anything unless it was illegal. Everyone has different reasons for FF, so if they aren't breaking a law, let their reasons be.
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@Madison43: these are my thoughts exactly.
People take risks knowingly and unknowingly all the time. Unless it came up in conversation with a close friend I would never say anything.
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@josina: AND she chose to not fix it still?!
@Mrs. Cereal: Ugh, sry you are stuck in a bad situation! I am torn too; if she'd end up being so grateful that you told her and she just did it b/c she had no idea, then it's worth it; but if she gets all defensive or just flat out don't care then it kinda sucks, even if you don't care of she unfriends you (on FB and real life). If you say something I'd totally go the route of wanting to make sure they don't get a ticket!
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I noticed a friend posted a similar photo on Facebook. I thought about saying something, but looking through the comments one of her closer friends already did. The mom's response was that they were on vacation and the car seat wasn't their normal one, but back at home they still do rear face, so maybe there is some type of reasoning behind it?
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@snowjewelz: Yep, what really bugged me was that she didn't even have the straps tight but I couldn't nit-pick on everything.
My OB office mentions at every appointment that DS should be rear facing till 2, so it surprises me that people don't know this, but I guess that's not common practice everywhere. -
@josina: that's awesome that your OB mentions it!
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As someone that turned their older daughter at 1 (my second is still RF at 20 months) and someone that moved their older to a backless booster "early" at 4y9m and definitely was FB judged for it. I vote don't say anything. It's not likely to change her behavior.
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If I saw them being grossly negligent in person, then I might say something, but based on social media, no I wouldn't.
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@Mrs. Cereal: Dont say anything. Sadly people usually do not take well to that.
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I wouldn't say something directly. If I had a really close friend I might very apologetically say that I didn't know the law had changed and wanted to pass it along (in a private conversation). Unless I was really close with someone, I don't think I'd mention it. I didn't know the laws were so different from state to state!
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I would probably say something via private message. BUT, I would totally couch it as an "OMG I didn't realize safety regulations had changed and I just wanted to share this new thing I heard! We're probably going to flip our car seats back to RF tonight" or something so it doesn't come off as judgy.
Or maybe something like "I don't want to be sanctimionous and I know these things can be really fraught and judgy, but I saw your picture and wanted to make sure you knew that safety regulations have changed over the past few years. I hesitated to write as I didn't want to offend, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way as it is only meant with the best of intentions"
I mean, if it were my kid and I was doing something dangerous, I would hope someone would tell me. I might be hurt or embarrassed, but in the end, I hope I would be grateful to someone for stepping out of their comfort zone to offer advice about something this important. -
^ I like how @merriment worded it. I'd do something like that or maybe not say anything at all. TBH I know a couple parents that very much were aware of the law but chose to flip to FF'ing btwn 10-12 months. I also have a mom friend who once asked if I ever held/babywore my baby in the backseat instead of putting them in their car seats (to keep them from waking up during transfer)..!! She confessed she did it a couple times... YIKES.
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So my LO is huge and will outgrow his infant seat by 8 months and I planned to put him forward facing based on his projected weight. I honestly had no idea until a month ago that they had to rear face until 2. I'm so happy a friend said something. I'd probably send a PM
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Such a tough situation.
One of DH's family members recently posted photos of her kids (5.5 & 8) on a road trip. Neither of them were in car seats of any kind.
Kinda freaked me out and I told DH to bring it up but he didn't want to and I'm not close to her at all.
I still feel weird about it. -
I would totally send her a pm, and I would love if someone would have don't the same for me! I did the same thing when my son was 11 months old - I didn't post anything on FB, then later I read something where a woman's son died in a car accident, and she had wished someone told her that her son's seat needed to be rear facing.
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@oliviaoblivia: we just spend a week with DHs nephews, 6 and 9, and neither were in a booster. They are big but still should be.
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@Smurfette: I don't get how people don't know.
I was just working on our car seat timeline and L still needs two more car seat iterations (FF harness and then booster) before she's out of a car seat. She's only two years younger than my great nephew. It's crazy to me that they drive ten hours with him just free range in the back seat. -
@oliviaoblivia: scary!
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My sister had my niece FF at 10 mos! I said something. It didn't go over well. She said I was being really judgemental and the seat wouldnt fit in her car RF. It still really bugs me but I pick my battles with her now. I'm not the only one who has said something to her about it either. She still has her FF 🙄 (She's 18 mos now) and it's illegal and she knows it. I secretly hope she gets a ticket one of these days so she'll fix it.
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@Mrs. Cereal: could you do the whole passive agressive thing and leave a comment such as "love your car seat, doesn't it have such great rearfacing limits?"
And for what it's worth, car seat safety isn't about parental choice, forward facing an eleven month old is just plain dangerous because physics just doesn't discriminate!!
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I would say something. The kid's safety is more important than the mom's feelings.
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@oskarsmommy: This is really what was on my mind. I see stories all the time about kids tragically dying when it could have been prevented.
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Thanks everyone. I am going to PM her and if she's mad, too bad I guess. I would hate for her daughter to end up seriously hurt or worse and I could have said something to prevent it.
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UPDATE: I private messaged her, she responded pretty quickly saying that it was a one time thing in her SIL's car and that she normally rear faces in her cars. She also thanked me for caring enough to say something to her.
I was not expecting that response at all. Thanks for all the input!
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