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When my LOs were babies, what I missed most was exercise. I basically didn’t exercise for 4 years, and I’ve always been physically active. A few years ago I started going to the gym regularly and I’ve kept it up. But I was very lucky, in our old apartment the gym was on the same block, and where we live now, we have a gym and pool at our condo. It is vital for me to stay active to keep my anxiety down (and obviously for health reasons too). I’ve also prioritized my health. I’ve had a string of minor health issues since my 2nd LO was born and now I don’t hesitate to see the doctor when I need to or get therapy when I need it. We also prioritized date night when we moved here and we go out once a week just about every week.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/women-self-care_l_5c48d765e4b0b6693676728d
funny you posted this, I just read this article yesterday on HuffPost about self-care. I have a newborn andn a three-year-old and my husband works full-time. So I basically do nothing for myself. I exercise 5 days a week so, rushing to and from the gym to get back to nursing/cleaning/ relieving my husband Maybe go to t.j.Maxx once or twice a month? I see my friends (always with babies in tow). I go to a therapist but that's survival, not self care lol.
It's really depressing.

@LadyDi: I do absolutely nothing at nap time for anybody but myself. I stay home and need that time for me. I read or watch a show. Don’t feel guilty!

My kids go to bed early. 6:30-7. My baby is still up a lot at night, so right now my #1 self care is prioritizing a very early bedtime for me. I try to exercise when I can fit it in, but it depends on how the baby's sleeping. I started learning to ice skate in the fall and so that's become my me thing, I try to go twice a week at night after they go to bed. I usually sacrifice a little sleep to do it, but it's so good for my mental health.

I make sure to take a lunch break while at work every day. That is my me time. I used to read or run errands. Recently a friend/coworker has started to go with me every day. It's a little annoying bc I miss that alone time.. but its fun to chit chat and gossip too so for now it's ok. I think if I need me time I will just tell her I am going to lunch alone

I miss being able to be completely lazy and just stay in pj's and watch crap tv all day but I know some day i'll be able to do it again.... this is just a phase

@periwinklebee: sometimes I prioritize selfcare and alone time over housework, not that I live in squalor but maybe something doesnt get put away or I let dishes soak extra long. My sister on the other hand would have my parents pick up my nephews and she would clean every room in her house, but to her that was self care.

I don't do much... I do get a 1-hour lunch break so I read during that time or take a 20 minute walk in warm months.
I read for a half hour before bed nightly.
I will take off work early on occasion to get some solo shopping time while the kids are in daycare, and do have the occasional girls day/night.
DH and I also have a standing Thursday night date night where we go out to dinner. Luckily, my step-daughter can babysit for us, wouldn't happen without her!

- Dinner with friends once a week (after kids in bed or at least the baby)
- 1-2 nights a week I don’t do chores after the kids are in bed. It took a while for me to be ok with that because I hate going to bed with a mess. but I finally realized that if I had a rough day with baby napping poorly or my 4yo hulking out on me, no one will die if I leave the dishes till tomorrow AM or don’t pick up toys for the 5th time that day. On these nights I say “F it” and I just lay in bed and watch tv from like 7-10/11 and I love it.
- very recently (last few weeks) I started sending out laundry. In NYC it’s super super common, it’s not much of a luxury. But we have a washer/dryer in our apt so I always felt like I HAD to do it. After a year of baby laundry plus 4yo laundry plus my man-child’s laundry I gave up. I still do a fair amount myself (my own stuff that I am particular about, a bunch of baby stuff we need to wash more frequently, my 4yo’s favorite items, one-off stuff that got messy and I don’t want to wait to send it) but I send a big load once a week that they wash and fold. Honestly the folding is what I love them doing the most! It was building up and felt like as soon as I got around to folding, it was time to do another load.
- my MIL comes one day a week so I can leave the apt alone and do some things for myself. Sometimes it’s a hair appt or mani/pedi. Sometimes it’s lunch with a friend. Sometimes it’s a doc appt or returning something to a store that’s just easier to do without a baby in tow.
- a couple nights a week (usually the ones I decide not to do chores) I do some extra stuff in my skin care routine. I exfoliate with a really good exfoliator and do a masque or two. Or I’ll do a deep conditioning hair treatment or take the time to take a long shower and do a really nice scrub and let a body oil soak in. Stuff I don’t have time to do normally when I get ready in the morning.
- I always always always dress in real clothes and makeup in the AM (I sah). Even if I’m just taking my 1yo to the grocery store for milk that day, or not going anywhere at all! I feel better all around if I’m in jeans and a sweater and have a fresh face. I just do. It’s not like I’m doing a Smokey eye and contouring. I just do my bb cream and bronzer and mascara and I feel good.
- not as often as the above, but I take childfree trips 2-3 times a year. Sometimes it’s with a friend. Sometimes I’m just going to stay with my parents without my kids. Once or twice it’s DH and I. I love it.
- not sure if it counts since it’s with DH but we go to dinner/date night almost weekly. We have a standing Saturday night sitter. We both really look forward to that all week.

What I NEED to fit in somewhere is exercise. Fortunately I’m back to pre-baby weight but I feel like I need to tone up and also for health reasons - but that would mean waking up very early or losing time in the evening to unwind and right now I’m not willing to do that. I downloaded an app yesterday for stuff I can do in my livingroom while the baby naps. Now I just need to motivate to do that because naps are when I shower, get ready, clean up the apt, etc. Something has to give but I haven’t figured out what yet.

@SweetiePie: I guess I didn't consider this self-care, but I get dressed in real clothes and put on makeup basically every day (I sah too). I need to get dressed to feel like a real person. Sometimes just concealer and mascara but it makes me feel so much better.

I like to think I am pretty good at self care. However, in reality it's a balance over the long haul--some weeks I do awesome, others I do awful.

-I get my hair cut every 8 weeks on a Friday on my lunch hour. The salon is 1 block from work. I rarely take an actual lunch break.
-When I'm doing a crap job of self care, I'll put a podcast on at lunchtime and go for a walk.
-I bought a massage package that expires to force myself to do self care. I was going to go once per month. Turns out it expires soon and I did not abide by that, so I'm going every other week.
-When I was on maternity leave, every Friday when DH got home I would hand him baby and take a bath.
-I very rarely watch TV. We do not have cable, NetFlix, Hulu, etc. For me it is easy to veg out in front of TV but it is not rejuvenating. So, for me it's all about choices. I dont watch TV so I have more time for self care.
care.
-I set a reading goal for myself to read 40 books this year. It's a really tough goal, so I have to focus on it and not waste time browsing my phone, etc.
-To free up more of my time, I do grocery pickup and put everything in the dishwasher except sharp knives.
-DH is incredibly supportive of self care as I am of him procuring his own.

I solo parent (most of the time) a 3 year old and 10 month old, plus I'm in a master's program and working 3 days per week. My time is pretty limited and self care can feel like one more thing I "should" do. I know how important it is, though, so I try to do little things. Right now I crochet and watch TV for maybe 30 minutes before bed. I also take my parents up on their offers of dinner on most of my work days to make the after work rush a little less crazy. I also spend my work lunch break locked in my office scrolling mindlessly on social media or something similar, alone. I try to make time once a month or so for lunch with a coworker/friend. And I vent to certain safe people via text about whatever.

@SweetCaroline: yes! I was going to recommend her books and also her podcast Best of Both Worlds.

@jape14: haha, if hiring a house cleaner isn't self-care my list is down to one thing

I don’t do much. I would love to exercise but knowing that means sacrificing time at night hanging with DH or sleeping it’s tough. But-LO has an early bedtime and DH and I eat dinner together and watch a show or have a glass of wine most nights which is nice. I do see making time for DH as self care since I like being with him! We also go date night every other week. I am trying to schedule more weeknight dinners with girlfriends too, something I did a lot pre-kids. But I’m going to try harder too; it’s easy to ignore yourself with work, kids, house, etc taking up all your energy!

Monthly mani/pedi. Instead of mom self care, I really think of it as a work obligation to be professional / presentable! Lol.

@periwinklebee: I think your mention of “fitting it in here and there” is a good place to start. I agree with others that self care isn’t about super indulgent pampering etc. but about what you need to still feel like you are meeting some of your needs/goals in the midst of the busyness.

That means you need to figure out what you wish you could do if you had more time and see if there are ways to squeeze that in.

Here are some things that worked for me:
-I do a lot of household stuff after the kids are in bed (lunches, dishes, laundry etc). I can make that more fun for me by either watching a show on the iPad that comes with me from room to room or listening to a podcast while I do all the things.
-find a small treat for when I sit down after doing all the things. (Not sitting down until I am done helps me be efficient.) this can be a small chocolate, a beer, or a book
-I wanted to read more so I started getting books from the library on my phone. I can read for a few minutes here and there while waiting for something and the library automatically takes the books back when the loan is up and I am not having to add another task.
-I wanted to work on spirituality but didn’t know where to put it so I ended up reading the daily bible readings on my phone while I dry my hair
-for exercise I used to go to the gym for like an hour 3-4 days a week pre kids. That is not an option. But I do 20 minutes of something a bunch of days instead. I had to work up to this but I now run 4 days a week and do HIIT in my living room two other days.

Little changes can give you positive momentum to build toward bigger ones.

I also echo the recommendation for best of both worlds and would add the happier podcast too!

And then remember that this is a phase. It’s not going to be like this forever, which is good and bad. I didn’t get into a consistent exercise routine until my baby was 2. But once there was more space in my life, I knew what I wanted to do with it so that helped. Good luck mama!

Awhile ago, I worked with a training life coach and it was really interesting but the number 1 thing I got out of it is that “self care” doesn’t have to mean leisure time.

For example, making the tasks you must do more enjoyable so that they are not guilting you while you are taking leisure time.

How I’ve translated this until practice (imperfect system):

1. I workout while kids awake - depending on activities/work schedule I either have them play LEGO or whateve beside me or often I let them watch a to show for 40 min. I set them up with snacks and milk and make everyone pee before I start and they both know (3 and 5y) that unless someone is dying they should try not to interrupt.

2. I usually have paperwork/housework to do after kids go to bed. I put on sons great music, pouf myself a tea or a glass of wine depending on kg mood, and I just go for it and try and enjoy the vibe. Being able to stay caught up on those things has been life changing.

I woh full time (but shift work) and dh works out of town m-f; so this is what I’ve come up with so far 🤷‍♀️ work in progress always.