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I don't have any advice, but wanted to give you hugs!!!

It gets better. Every day that passes, it will get better. Promise.

@highwire: ok, do you go back for a weight check soon? Hopefully at that point you can cut back on all the different feedings hang in there momma it will get better!

I've never been in this situation but I just wanted to say that you are doing great, I'm sure. Trust yourself, keep breathing, and reaching out for support. One day, one hour, one minute at a time.

We had a similar schedule for the first month because my supply disappeared after using the nipple shield (thinking my LO was nursing well) and not pumping for 24 hours. Once my supply vanished my LO wouldn't latch because milk just wasn't coming fast enough! So for 2.5-3 weeks I would bottle or tube-feed and pump after the feeding and I wouldn't try to get him to latch because it was such a battle.

By about 3 weeks i pumped enough that we didn't have to supplement with formula. By 4 weeks my supply was back up with the help of tons of supplements and pumping around the clock, and my LO started breastfeeding full-time.

Kudos to you for maintaining that schedule so far. The weighed feeding should give you lots of information and hopefully help with your lo's latch since it doesn't seem to be a supply issue. I don't know if having her nurse 20 minutes on each side is that beneficial since she really doesn't seem to be swallowing lots?

Oh man I feel for you. I won't go into all the details, but we stopped trying to breastfeed after about 6 weeks, and it was one of the best decisions I made as a mother. I really had my heart set on breastfeeding, and those first weeks when it just wasn't working I was miserable. I was beating myself up and not getting any sleep bw trying to nurse, pumping, making bottles of formula, cleaning bottles, constantly running to the store to get more formula bc I told myself with every can it would be the last one...Once I gave myself permission to stop, mothering got easier. I also was on my own after my husband's one-week paternity leave. Good luck!

hang in there! I've been there before twice and it's not easy at all... especially the first time. each week that goes by it will get exponentially better, little by little... but it will get better... like all the other moms said, we promise it does!

I know it seems easier to pump right now than to nurse, but pumping does involve more work overall because of all the parts & bottles to constantly wash, and when you're alone without help it's VERY hard to keep up with it. So right now while you have help, continue to take advantage of pumping and nursing as much as you can to stimulate your milk supply as much as possible. you're doing great!

but yes, if you need a break and have to cut a nursing session short/supplement more or are able to give her more pumped milk instead, definitely go for it and don't feel guilty for doing so.

During one of your breaks also try to do something for yourself, even if it's as simple as taking a long shower (even 10 minutes can be considered "long" compared to none!), putting on makeup or indulging in your favorite food or TV show... do that at least once a day if you can.

you're doing fabulous for the first 5 days. keep us updated and reach out for anything!

It gets better! I'd say 2 weeks was a bit of a turning point for us but got better and better after that. Hang in there! BF is worth it in the end if you can get through the initial hell (to me it really was just that).

I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed. I know exactly how you feel. I felt the same exact way after I had my first too. The good news is that it does get better.

I struggled with supply issues the first two months. It was awful. I was doing the same thing you are doing... feeding pumped milk (from last session), nurse 20 on each side, followed by formula (b/c I didn't think I had enough and my son lost 10% of his weight), then pump again. I cried to every person who talked about breast milk or breast feeding or anything related to feeding. I was an emotional wreck! But all of those feelings are normal the first couple of weeks while your body regulates your hormones after pregnancy. And in addition to that we were going to my son's ped's office almost every day to check his bilirubin levels b/c he had to be hospitalized two days after we were discharged for jaundice. It was so stressful. I don't think I felt a sense of normalcy until about month 3. I know that sounds like a really long time but that was my experience b/c my son had blood in his stool and then broke out in eczema around week 8 and then started the allergist and GI specialist appointments. It turns out he was dairy and soy protein allergic (he outgrew at 15 months).

Not sure if you're low in supply or you're trying to up your baby's weight or both, but if it's a supply issue, what I did to see if I needed to pump anymore was to see how much I was pumping after every nursing session. Log it. See if you're pumping less and less. It probably means that she's eating more efficiently too. If so, then you can probably stop pumping and start nursing exclusively. Also, see if she is satisfied after she eats. She should seem relaxed. I find that nursing exclusively is a lot less work and less stressful than pumping. But you can pick to do one or the other depending on whatever is easier for you. The good thing about pumping exclusively is having your husband/family help with some of the feedings.

I like nursing exclusively b/c I hate washing bottles and pump parts. It was driving me batty and my hands were a wreck. Oh, and one tip to not having to wash your pump parts after every session is to put it in either a zip lock bag or a container and put it in the fridge. Then wash it every morning. That way you won't have to worry about washing it after every session and you'll be able to catch a little more sleep.

Hang in there! It does get better. Being a first time mom is very stressful and the crazy hormones doesn't help. But you're doing an awesome job with everything you're doing for your little girl already!

I don't have advice but I am sorry It sounds so rough! Hopefully next time you go to the doctor you get good news!

I feel your pain!

My first two weeks with LO were the hardest of my life and I don't think I enjoyed even a minute of it.

First of all, please know you're doing a wonderful job so hang in there! As somebody who still struggles with breastfeeding at six weeks, please persevere - you can do it and it will get better! I remember my midwife telling me that success with breastfeeding is 75% based on the mother's intention so know that if you want to do it, you can and will do it!

Just know that you're doing a great job so keep up the good work!

@lemondrop: I totally agree, one feed at a time, one day at a time!

No advice but hoping things get easier soon:/ do they have you in for a weight check soon so you can see the reward and hopefully back off pumping or nursing for so long??

Omg... That does sound terrible ! Whe. Can you get her weighed again? I would think she's definitely gaining weight on that regimen!

@highwire: Also, is there anyone else who can step in to be with you once your DH and MIL go back to work? If I remember correctly, you are the first among your friends to have a baby. But, would any of your friends even be willing to come sit with you for a few hours? I found that to be helpful - just not being alone, you know?

Wow, that's a lot of time dedicated to feeding!

I had a low birth weight baby and he lost 10% in the hospital - it was VERY stressful for me and I felt so much pressure to feed him well that I barely enjoyed the first few weeks. At home, we did this for the first 10 days or so: Feed him for as long as he would tolerate on the boob, then top him off with an ounce of pumped milk or formula. While my husband would feed him that pumped ounce I would actually pump (but not every nursing session, maybe 2x a day). It sounds like you are feeding the baby milk before you nurse and after? Is there a reason why you are feeding her before nursing? I'm no expert, but if she is getting milk before she nurses, she might not be hungry enough to efficiently nurse. And are you pumping for 15 mins after each feeding just to get your supply up?

Having a baby with weight issues is stressful - everyone kept telling me to relax, etc, but how could I? When we left the hospital he was 4 lbs 13 oz! But, by 2 weeks he gained all of his birth weight back plus some. Your baby girl will thrive, just trust in yourself

On another note, I switched to pumping at 6 weeks because we never got into a good groove and because I was always worried about how much my son was getting. At the time, it was the best decision for my family. But, I have to say that pumping seems like the easier option and it is not. It is much harder than BF in my opinion. I was attached to my pump for 20 minutes every 2-3 hours for months...not to mention cleaning bottles....and pumping in the middle of the night after you feed your baby is just the pits.

Either way, the first few weeks are really, really hard. I cried a lot. Slept a little, nursed like every 2 hours. You'll make it through and so will she.....just take it one day at a time and try to find joy in the little moments with her. She's only going to be small for a little while!

That is a tough schedule! Those first days especially the first week are so hard! But definitely agree with pps I swear it does get easier!
In our first week, my dd would scream because she wasn't getting enough when she latched on, so we used a supplemental nursing system, i had to use pumped milk for the sns so i pumped and also supplemented with formula, with all of it, it was so overwhelming! I definitely remember crying while she was crying and wanting to give up, but after the first week, once my milk was in it did get easier! She lost 10% as well and gained it back by 3 weeks. I didn't anticipate nursing to be so incredibly hard in the beginning and unfortunately from what I have heard that is the case for a lot of first time moms! Hang in there girl, you are doing great **hugs

Engorgement is awesome in your case!! Every day gets better, you are doing a kick ass job with that schedule. Hope LO rebounds with the weight soon and you can get some breathing room on the current sched!

At 6w here every day is still different, but it goes by so fast, no matter how awful/tough it seems, hugs...hang in there!!!

Just keep swimming!! Definitely ask the advice of the LC when you see her. Maybe instead of bottle feeding and nursing you can use a supplemental nursing system? That way she gets fed and your breast gets the stimulation. Good luck--it does get easier, especially once LO starts sleeping in 3 hour chunks (which will happen!). Sleep deprivation makes everything harder. And good for you for sticking with breast feeding--the first three weeks of nursing were the worst of my life, but it did get better.

@babyjmama: Yes, same thing here! I made it to 3 months, but I gave up on the supplemental pumping once DH returned to work. I couldn't figure out how to nurse then bottle feed and pump while also having to attend to a baby on my own. By the time I gave up on nursing completely, DD was taking mostly formula anyways. I never produced more than 1.5 oz total during each session.

Highwire, I hope it gets better soon, but if it doesn't, then try to find ways to make it easier on yourself. Hiring a postpartum doula once your husband returns to work could be helpful.