Have gone back and forth about posting this. It's a sensitive subject and even posting about under an incognito account is embarrassing. But this was something that had the potential to seriously hurt my marriage, so I wanted to share.

I’m going to preface this by saying that I’m absolutely not trying to attack internet pornography (or any pornography). Until last night I had zero issues with DH watching it from time to time. In fact, I occasionally watched it myself, both solo and with DH.

Last night, though, DH told me his new years resolution was to quit watching internet porn. It turns out he’d been…enjoying it…about 4-5 times a week. This probably wouldn’t bother me much, except I’ve been under the impression that DH had a low sex drive because we really only had sex MAYBE twice a month, except when we were TTC, and then we really only had sex during ovulation week.

I don’t have a terribly demanding sex drive, so the infrequent sex never really bothered me. I didn’t try to figure out why we didn’t have sex very often, or do something about it, the past year especially. Pregnancy + baby has really done a number on my libido. We’d talked about it a few times, two or three years ago, and DH told me that if it every started to bother me he’d see a doctor about ED.

Anyway, last night he tells me that often times when I had been in the mood and made a play at him he would demur…because he had already gotten off to internet porn that night. It has been affecting our sex life for a long time, but I didn’t realize it. He said that he didn’t make the connection between our sex life (or lack thereof) and his habits, because…well I don‘t know why, but knowing DH he really didn‘t make the connection until a few nights ago. It was never that he was in the mood and chose porn over sex with me, but that he would get bored and decide to entertain himself (usually, but not always, when I was otherwise occupied).

He read an article the other day about how this is a problem a lot of guys apparently have. They suggested he try to masturbate without using porn, just using his own thoughts. He couldn’t. And that freaked him out, so he decided to quit it cold turkey (the porn, not masturbating, although the latter will probably be impacted for a while).

I don’t have a problem with him taking care of himself, especially if I’m not in the mood or busy with the baby, I don’t. But knowing now that I’ve spent YEARS thinking that he just had a low sex drive or the tiny tiny voice in the back of my head suggesting that maybe I just wasn’t sexy enough/pretty enough/enough to interest him…that stings. I’m mad at him and at myself for not being proactive/letting things go.

Anyway, I needed to vent. I’m hurt that our sex life has been negatively impacted by this. I’m mad at myself for being passive about it all. I’m hopeful that him cutting it will reset our sex life moving forward (as good as it can be with an infant, anyway). And wanted to put a warning out there--if your SO watches a lot of porn and your sex life is pretty dry, don’t be blind to it like me, there’s a decent chance they’re connected.

Again, not trying to rag on porn, or open a debate. Just wanted to share, because I’m willing to be there are other women here in a similar situation.