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Can you split the difference and have someone come 3ish hours a day from 9-12 or something like that? It'll give you a chance to catch up on sleep/have someone else do laundry and dishes, etc. It sounds like you don't need/want an additional person living with you for a month, but it might be nice to have the extra help since your husband won't be taking a paternity leave.

My husband went back to work three days after I had my daughter and I took care of the baby by myself with no issues (and I had a c-section). My mom or dad came over occasionally (maybe 1x a week) to hang out with me or bring food but that was all the "help" I wanted/needed.

I personally am an introvert so having someone at my house all the time (esp someone I don't know) would not work for me. I liked having all that time to spend with my daughter and not worrying about anything else. Take my opinion with a grain of salt though because I had a super easy baby.

Omg I would hate having someone around all the time. Taking care of a newborn is really not that hard. They sleep a lot, eat, and poop. The first month was really mellow. We spent a lot of time cuddling and taking walks around the neighborhood (but didn't go anywhere else). It was actually a really relaxing time for me. Lots of naps, reading, and baby cuddles.

Now I'm pregnant with my second and we have a nanny for my oldest. I'm dreading having her around all the time when I'm on maternity leave (even though I like her and know her well).

Hi lady, hope you're doing well!

I don't know anyone very well who has had a sit month, but I wonder how similar it is to hiring a night nurse--extra help and support so you can ostensibly get some rest. The nurse/nanny shows up for like 10 or 12 hour shifts from 6/8pm-6am. It's $$$ and then yeah, you need to have enough physical space for them to stay. I guess it's nice, but if you're planning to breast feed, you do have to wake up to do that several times a night anyway. Something else to consider.

Like some of the pp's have mentioned, the first month isn't usually that bad. The second month I thought was much harder--that's when the sleep deprivation starts to really set in, and for a lot of babies the 6-8 week period is super fussy. Regarding being able to handle it all, I do think whether or not you identify as a baby person is a lot less relevant than the unique temperament of *your baby*, which of course you have no way of knowing But it sounds like you aren't excited about the idea of hiring someone and your friends/family maybe just have an expectation, cultural or otherwise, that this is "the way it's done" ?

If you don't already have it arranged, I'd get a cleaning lady to come once a week, set up Fresh Direct orders with lots of pre-prepared meals, get your favorite takeout menus in a stack by the phone, and ideally hire a sitter with lots of newborn experience to come for maybe 4-5 hours once a week when your husband is at work. My husband didn't have a pat leave either, I had no help, no family nearby, baby was mega-fuss and stubborn in early days, and we're all still here it can be done

You could look into a postpartum doula if you want some extra help. In my area you can hire them for all different schedules and tasks, some are lactation consultants, photographers etc.

For me if I was going to spend money to outsource anything in those early weeks it would be for house cleaning and meals, no question!

my attitude was exactly the same as yours before i had my son and fairly different afterward. agree with pp that it depends in part on your baby's temperament (mine definitely had a rough time from weeks 4-6, generally did not like to nap, etc.). my husband took only two days of paternity leave so i was all on my own and i was not a happy camper. not that i don't think you _can_ do it on your own, but in retrospect i think i would have benefited from someone with real experience with infants just to give me tips and reassure me.

the experience might actually be the biggest piece, and i think it's a real difference from what a MIL can do. speaking as a FTM with my mom also dealing with her first grandchild, even though she lived in the same city and came over a lot, fully half the time she had no idea what to do and honestly just made me feel worse or like there was something wrong with my baby because he was crying a lot. she just did not remember what it was like to deal with a really tiny infant, so even though she did bring me food & stuff (which i'm very grateful for!) sometimes it didn't feel that helpful. my reaction going in was to say i don't want someone else in my home giving me advice (i don't always take advice well ) but in retrospect i would totally do it.

@LCTBQE: haha. I pointedly told my mom that I can only handle visitors for 2 nights and didn't let her stay with us until DS was 8 weeks. lol. I can't handle her

Like @LCTBQE: said, this sounds like a baby nurse/night nurse, which is very common where we live.
I had a big response to you and then I boarded my flight and it got lost and I said a lot of swear words under my breath But basically it was this, but much clearer:

I also thought I didn't need one and it was just such a foreign concept to me (I'm not from this city). In fact, I made fun of people that got one because I'm like "Ok, you're all spoiled, 99% of america goes home without a night nurse or help and they are all fine. Plus, I really WANT my baby (IVF and miscarriages) so, like F**K off!"
Well, week 2 I called a friend's former baby nurse in a panic and she started week 3. Haha. 3-4 nights a week, just 7pm-7am.
For me, it was vital. My parents don't live nearby and I really can't stand my MIL. I had PPD and I totally underestimated how much sleep deprivation would impact me. As you stated, I'm not sure just how helpful it is if you BF, BUT, that's also something that you can't totally bank on (I also thought I would BF and for various reasons and events, it didn't work - not saying it WON'T, its just something to consider). It was also really helpful to our marriage (it was our roughest patch in 18 years) because we could go out and get a burger and just be US a couple nights a week, not the tired new parents arguing over bottle feedings or the temperature in the baby's room.

Before having my son people would tell me how hard it was and exhausting and some even said I would hate life for the first few months. I actually was seriously pissed at those people and then...I had my son...and I ended up apologizing and thanking them for actually being honest. I do think that a lot of people aren't honest about how hard the newborn stage can be (and yes, I also thought I would want to be with my new baby all the time and I would love having a newborn and we'd just cuddle on the couch watching football every Sunday as a happy little family).
I guess saying all of this might make you hate me, because before having my son I would have hated me And I TRULY hope you don't come back and say I was right! I don't want ANYONE to have that experience, but I try to be honest about mine because I don't think enough people are. I had some friends who TRULY did love the newborn stage and instead hated the toddler (1yr+) stage. I was the opposite. So a lot of it is your personality and I don't think you know what personality you have until you actually have a baby. Suuuure I loved babies and cuddly newborns...before I had my own. And I realized I am emphatically not a newborn/baby person (and neither is my husband). We are much more toddler/big kid people!

Anywayyyy, all this to say, I wouldn't completely rule it out. If the "sit month" nanny requires you to commit to 24 hours for a full month, I'd look into other options. A Post Partum Doula, a night nurse who will only do shifts, etc. They exist - they really do. And unless you are in a very rural area where no one really has them (which doesn't sound like the case) I'm sure you can find one in a pinch, after the baby is born, if you determine its needed. If they aren't currently working, they shouldn't be picky about how many hours or length of time - they should be happy for the work because 20 hours a week is better than 0 hours a week.
I also am an introvert and the idea of someone being in the apartment all the time definitely gives me some anxiety...ok, a lot of anxiety. But I know that in the end, its what I need for my mental health, a happy husband, and a happy LO1 - quality of time over quantity of time. Sure, I could spend 24/7 with them and be kinda miserable (I need down time. I need sleep.) Or I could get as much or as little time off as I need throughout the day and feel refreshed and happy and be the best mother and wife I can be (just because she's employed 24 hours doesn't mean I have to have her there 24 hours...I can tell her to go take a break or take a day off or whatever - and she'll have weekends off). So I went ahead and booked a baby nurse for 24 hours for 2 months. I still feel a little weird about it, but my husband keeps reminding me that I can tell her to go take a break or I can be with the baby while she washes bottles or folds clothes or gets me lunch down the street. And she'll be gone Friday evening till Sunday evening, so we'll have our family time then.
I also have a 3yo who will be in school every morning 9-12, so the idea of not having to take my newborn out into the winter weather every morning BOTH ways is almost enough for me.

Anyway, this is a long response and I just wanted to say - that the people in your life telling you to get help are probably just trying to help. Because maybe THEY were the FTM who thought they wouldn't need it and love babies (I personally did IVF and had multiple miscarriages, so I was like I WILL LOVE EVERY STAGE OF MOTHERHOOD BECAUSE I WANTED IT SO BADLY - not the case) and ended up really struggling. Its VERY possible that you will be totally OK and love it and can handle the sleep deprivation. I really really hope you know I'm not trying to scare you and say that your life will definitely suck. I just want to offer a different perspective since most everyone upthread was like "its fine, its easy, they just sleep and eat". Because that wasn't my experience.

ETA: And, I also realize that you are going to be on maternity leave and will go back to work - I wasn't. So for me it felt like it would be my eternity - I'm not sure that those first few months would have felt quite as bad if I knew I was going back to work and the 24 hour shifts of being a mom wouldn't last forever. Maybe because you'll be going back to work you'll feel more of the "cherish these moments" feelings? But again, hard to know until the time comes.

I had a lot of help after both of my babies were born. I didn't have to cook, clean, or do laundry for 6 weeks. It was wonderful. I was able to focus on resting, recovering, and feeding the baby.

Unless you don’t plan to breastfeed (no judgement!) having someone for the baby that first month is kinda useless. Newborns mostly want to eat and sleep. And you if you BF you need to nurse around the clock for your supply.

Personally, I LOVE those first few weeks. They’re snuggly and sleepy and there’s just something so special about that time. I wouldn’t want s stranger in my house, taking up that baby time. You will never get those first few weeks back. I’d have someone do everything else though - cleaning, laundry, meal prep, etc.

I'm coming at this from the perspective of someone who had two babies with vastly different temperaments. My first was a really, really hard newborn. She was so fussy, cried for hours at night, and sleep was a disaster. I wouldn't have wanted someone in my house 24/7, but if I could have had a night nurse a few nights a week it would have made such a difference for me. She was exclusively breastfed, but a night nurse would still have been helpful between feedings because she just would not sleep!

My second was the total opposite. Super chill, slept well, and I felt like myself almost immediately. I definitely didn't need any help.

So, if I were you, I would book a night nurse as a "just in case" possibility. Hopefully you have an easy newborn, but if you don't, it would be nice to know you have the help!

So, I'm Korean and we have a similar sit month situation and I have 2 kids who were vastly different in temperament.

Here's what my advice is:

- Have your MIL visit when the baby is 1 week old. You will have 1 week to be a hot mess and recover a bit and just cocoon and be a family together. BF and pump a lot to get your milk in.

- Have MIL visit for 1 week. Maybe 5 days. The baby is sleeping more in that window, they can be held more, and your MIL can get the snuggles in. If you're okay with it, pump and leave bottles for your MIL to do feedings (grandmas love to feed littles). Let MIL do her funky cooking, stock the freezer with all the soups and stews, and say thank you. It will be annoying. It will be a week. MIL will feel like she did her part/duty.

- If you want visitors or to socialize because of the hormone crash, the first 2 weeks are the best. Baby is more likely to just sleep in a carseat out at a restaurant or sleep in a stroller or wrap, and if you keep them covered and not let people touch them, you'll be fine.

- Line up help in the 2nd month. Around 3 weeks, the babies wake up and they get fussy. DS1 was a nightmare from birth, but even DS2, my easy baby, was a hot mess from week 3 to week 8. Weeks 6-8 especially are brutal. I didn't need a night nurse (I could stay up at night just fine), but I DID appreciate/need someone who came in the mornings - like 8a-12p - so I could catch up on some sleep and do some chores. Afternoons when it was nice, I could take the baby on a stroller walk and get some air and sorta prep for the witching hour in the evenings, which DH and I tagged teamed. The morning help was VITAL after I had my second child, because I needed someone to watch the toddler for me too. If you can swing a morning helper like 3 days a week from week 6 to week 12, I think you will feel a lot more sane.

- Get a housecleaner to come twice a month. Time it for a day the morning helper doesn't come, since you will have to leave the house for a few hours anyway.