Were you or are you able to sleep when baby sleeps? I hear and read this advice all the time, but personally have a hard time with falling asleep. I end up doing stuff around the house, trying to run an errand; eat, shower, go online, or watch tv in bed instead. It's not until after midnight that I can fall asleep and then I am praying baby will sleep an hour or two straight. Any tips on how to actually just sleep when baby sleeps? I can't seem to shut down the brain during normal hours enough. And the few times I have.. I end up feeling worse when I wake up! More tired and groggy and wish I could sleep longer. 
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I never could either.
Even just laying around helped though.
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i never could until i was so severely sleep deprived that i was finally able to. And also i found that just lying in my bed in the dark would make me feel a little more rested - I even surprised myself a couple of times that way and actually fell asleep when i didn't think i would.
eta: so i guess my advice would be to turn everything off (TV, chores, etc). the advice i read that stuck in my mind was "getting sleep is your priority....EVERYTHING ELSE CAN WAIT". That just stuck with me and i didn't feel bad putting off chores etc.
However, I didn;t sleep every time the baby slept. I was happy just to take one extra nap a day to help compensate what i was missing at night. 30 minutes can make a world of difference in how you feel.
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I slept when LO slept. I did a lot of mindful relaxation to just let things go.
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I take at least one nap with him, sometimes 2. I also find that even if I can't sleep, laying beside him and taking it easy (reading, hbing etc) helps a lot.
Still have to work on going to bed before 11:30 though.
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Its recommend that you don't watch TV or use electronic devises (yes even cell phones) for an hour before bed. Start dimming the lights after dinner, go to bed at the same time nightly.
If your staying up until midnight, your missing your babies longest stretch of sleep time (early evening or first several hours of night). Our bodies (adults) are releasing serotonin to keep us asleep during the early morning hours when our infants wake. It is imperative that mothers learn that they get the best sleep in the first section of the night, and take advantage of that time. -
I haven't ever been able to (unless he needs a good nap and I lay down with him to ensure that he gets it). I always feel guilty for not doing the million things that need to be done arond the house. I wish I could let go and rest when he does...especially when he was really little!
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@Angie Gentle Sleep Coach: wow! Thanks for this info. I just realized you are right about one if her longest stretch of sleep is during this like 6-10 pm Ish time period somewhere. But DH doesn't usually get him till after 9 or 10pm and we are so used to a 1-2 am bedtime. Which of course makes early mornings brutal with baby wake ups. What time do you suggest I go to sleep? I can't imagine sleeping at 6-7 pm...
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I found it hard to do during the day. I could hardly set him down and when I did it was a mad dash to use the bathroom, brush my teeth and eat. Both DH and I would go to bed when he did which was around 9-10 PM when he was a newborn. Sometimes you just have to let chores go and just sit down and relax, even if you don't sleep.
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Your so welcome!
Honestly I would do a dream feed (just pick her up and feed her.. Don't wake her.. Then lay her back down, NO diaper change!) Around 9- 10 pm, then head to bed yourself
She should stay asleep longer, and skip the 1 or 2 waking.. Try it a night or two, if it doesn't help or you can't sleep any earlier then do the dream feed just before you normally go to sleep.. Let me know how it goes or if you have any questions -
@Angie Gentle Sleep Coach: Worked for me!
I was never able to nap at the same time as them until we nap trained a few weeks ago. Now, they go down within 5 minutes of each other and sleep for a reliable 40 minutes. That, at least, gives me the option of dozing for a few minutes, but I'm like you: there are always bottles to wash, laundry to fold, and HB posts to write. I just try to split it: I do 20 minutes of housework (or shower, or whatever), and 20 minutes of rest
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@twoofeverything: How old are your twins?? Napping during the day is hard for many adults.. I found myself doing housework etc during the day too! Its hard to shut down when the house needs attention!! Sleep deprivation during the early months takes a toll on new parents, and makes insomnia even worse for postpartum mothers.
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I never could. It takes me a long time to wind down and to actually go to sleep. I just try and relax and hang out.
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@Angie Gentle Sleep Coach: wow! Thanks for this instruction! I had heard of Dream Feeds but didn't know how it worked and didn't think I could start so young? DD is 3 weeks tomorrow.
So I JUST tried it after reading thjs at 9:20 pm because it was close to 3 hours since her last feeding. Picked her up while she was still asleep and put her on the boob. Got her to start nursing within a minute! She nursed for about 12 min. and stayed asleep! Yay! Buuuuutttt.... She had a terribly stinky diaper and I had to change her. Which also meant un-swaddling. Those two things = woken up baby.
I nursed her again for 10 min. But I think half of that was just comfort nursing. She was awake still and really upset at being swaddled. I've only just learned how to swaddle her once she is in Deep Sleep after falling asleep on me, the past 2 days, which help keep her sleeping longer. But if she's not totally knocked out, swaddling means she is extra fussy and fighting everything.Doing some more reading on Dream Feeds and hopes it works out for me! Going to try again around 11:30-midnight and see if it helps with our brutal witching hours! Hopefully no diaper change needed!
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I try to take at least one nap "with" LO and at least lie down when he goes down for the night. You're right, though, it's irresistible to use that time to do the million things you can't! I highly recommend at least resting when the baby naps those first few weeks. Sleep deprivation is no joke. Once we got into the second month I felt much more alive and could use his nap times to get some things done, but those first few weeks were so ragged I wish I had napped more.
We swaddle for bedtime halfway through his nighttime nurse! I feed him unswaddled on one side to get him nice and mellow, then swaddle (we swear by the miracle blanket) then feed on the other side. The coziness of the swaddle helps him fall asleep so we can just pop him in his rock n play.
I want to try a dream feed but am honestly scared to try! Plus we kind of have to dig our hands under him to scoop him up from the rock n play so I'm worried we'll wake him! I should give it a shot though.
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I very rarely slept when lo slept. But I would try to lie down on the couch and watch tv and blob out, or lie on my bed and browse the internet. Having time to chill out helped heaps. There were instances where I slept when she slept but I was on the extreme end of exhaustion when that happened.
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@shopaholic: Its fine to do a dream feed at 3 weeks, its unfortunate about the stinky diaper but next time I bet it will work great for you!! Your best bet is to continue To feed every three hours for the first few months even during the night. A dream feed is great because your baby won't learn to wake and cry out for you to come feed them.. It will naturally lead to better sleep and will make sleeping thru the night easier later on! Let me know if you have questions!!
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@Angie Gentle Sleep Coach: I'm late to the dream feed, but love it. We started doing it at the same time as CIO at 6 months. I wish that I would have done it sooner because it really works.
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@cascademom: it does really work! But you can still do it at 6 months its just different.. Is there a certain time your child wakes each night? Are there multiple wakings?
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@Angie Gentle Sleep Coach: Thanks so much! Unfortunately, it was still a rough night for me...with K being up on/off from 1 am - 7:30 am. She wasn't crying so much as cluster feeding, diaper changes, and just needing to sleep ON me. Such a difference from just the night before. I like the idea of Dream Feeds though so I will keep on trying it!
@cascademom: I used to think I could do CIO, but now I think I'd be a total wuss!
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@Angie Gentle Sleep Coach: My son is almost 6 months. How do I do a dream feed with him if I nurse? He's been waking a lot more recently during the night to nurse. He used to sleep from 7 pm- 4/5 am with out needing to nurse. Now he nurses at 7 pm right before bed, about 11 pm, 2 am, 6 am. I don't know why he started doing this. I think I would like to try a dream feed to avoid the 11 pm wake up.
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I never could either. Theres too much pressure, like "oh, if i fall asleep jow i can pribably sleep for an hour." im the same way at night. I have to stop myself from looking at the clock because it wigs me out.
I was treated for severe insomnia as a teenager and some tips they taught me:
Keep a consistent bedtime every night (not easy with a newborn but it helps to try and settle in at the same time each night)No caffeine after 2pm
No electronics or TV for an hour before you want to fall asleep, the light stimulates your eyes and brain. I read before bed.
Try concentration/meditation exercises to slow and clear your mind (like counting breaths or saying "in"and "out" in your mind as you breathe). I count. It really helps me clear my mind and keep my thoughts and worries from racing and keeping me awake. I also concentrate on visualizing the numbers as I count.
Dont look at the clock
Only use the bed for sleep (well, besides sex) so that your brain only associates the bed with those activities.
If you cant sleep after about 30 minutes, get up and do something calm and quiet for a little while and try again. Staying in bed will just make you frustrated and less able to sleep.
I hope some of that might help.
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i've only been able to nap during the day when i was exhausted. usually just a quick 30 minute nap would do it. but we have moved our bed time to 9-10 depending on when she falls asleep. i do everything i can to be ready for bed before then to go to bed when she does or close to it. she's been getting up at 6:30-7 regularly now (with night wakings) so i have to get to bed or i'd be a zombie!
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Only a few times at the very beginning when my mom was here.
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@mrskc: I'm sorry I wanted to be clear.. don't wake him up just pick him up feed him, burp him and put him back down.. no diaper change..
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@Angie Gentle Sleep Coach: Do dream feeds work on 8 month olds? My DD goes to bed at 8pm, and wakes up at 11pm and 3am!
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Had trouble with this! I just laid in bed and tried to rest, even if I couldn't actually sleep. Chores cam wait! Showers are worth it, though
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@banana: I'd say by 8 months we need to work on coaching the baby back to sleep rather than feeding.. Unless your baby is extremely low on the growth charts??? What methods of sleep training have you tried ( if any) ?
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@Angie Gentle Sleep Coach: She's definitely not low on the growth charts. She's a chubby baby.
We've tried letting her CIO a little bit at a time (maybe 5-10 mins) but she gets worked up and then ends up completely waking up/sitting up in her crib. We also gave her a lovey, which she isn't that attached to. Once in a while if we let her fuss, she'll go back to sleep but it's very rare. Usually, if she fusses/cries and we'll try patting her/shushing her. If that doesn't work, we try rocking her and then putting her down when she's drowsy. If that doesn't work we'll let her cry for a little while. It's so frustrating because when she gets up in the middle of the night, she's full on sitting up! So I've been giving her a bottle to help her go back to sleep (bad cycle). Help!
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@Angie Gentle Sleep Coach: He used to wake multiple times at midnight or earlier before CIO. We use the dream feed to head off any wakings on his own. For this, the dream feed's worked great.
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this never worked for me. i always found things to keep me busy and sometimes i just wanted "me" time, which required me to be awake.
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@shopaholic: We didn't do CIO until at least 6 months old. We had many nights of multiple wake ups and little sleep. One night, our rocking, etc. just stopped working, so we did it out of desperation. When we started it the first day, it was tough. It got better. We're a happier, better sleeping family than we were months ago.
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@cascademom: awesome!!
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@banana: So basically she doesn't know how to put herself to sleep.. Do you use a white noise machine? Rain is the best soon ( a fan running isn't enough)
*Don't fight her trying to get her to lay down, pat the bed once say lay down and that's it.
*put a chair next to her crib
*do the bedtime routine ( same order every night) example bath, massage (Lotion), feed (bottle or breast), read book then place her in crib.
*say goodnight, pat the mattress to lie down & sit in the chair until she falls asleep
*RULES.... No talking just shush her a few times
Close your eyes, relax and slow your breathing
Leave the room after she is asleep
**** When she wakes, go to the crib and make sure she's ok, pat her and the crib then sit in the chair***
****if she really goes hysterical, pick her up to calm but beware she may fall asleep in your arms** most parents say picking them up just prolongs the processLet me know how it goes tomorrow ok???
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@Angie Gentle Sleep Coach: Ok I will give it a shot! What do I do if she's hysterically crying for over 20 minutes?
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By hysterical crying I mean out of breath, at absolute wits end... Some babies actually make themselves throw up.. We don't want to get there..
She should be able to calm herself with you in the room.. Do not let her go an hour crying.. Pick her up at that point calm her then put her back down and sit in the chair.. Remember the first nights the hardest but you are there to support her..
Good luck, She really needs this skill so she can put herself back to sleep during the night
Tomorrow we need to discuss her naps and bedtime k.. I think she's going down to late.. -
I was never able to do this with my little one. I am sure there were times when I should have been getting some rest but I needed the time to wind down and do something else that either needed to be done or something that I enjoyed doing. It used to drive me crazy in the early days when my husband would go to bed at eight when our daughter went to bed! I needed adult time for a little while to feel like I was still me!
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I'm not a nap person and as soon as I would lay down i kept thinking she's going to wake up, or about all the stuff I had to do. I never could do it!
She should stay asleep longer, and skip the 1 or 2 waking.. Try it a night or two, if it doesn't help or you can't sleep any earlier then do the dream feed just before you normally go to sleep.. Let me know how it goes or if you have any questions 
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