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I think if you can plan for another situation that would be much more preferable. With my first I had terrible PPD/PPA and I never expected it. There are a lot of things that can/do come up that are unexpected especially with your first baby. I think being alone that quickly could get very isolating and difficult, but of course your own personality plays into that, and if you'll be able to have friends/family visit too that helps.
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I could not have done all day/all night solo at that young. Physically my recovery was fine, but mentally & emotionally I needed in-person support. (I didn't have PPD, just the "baby blues"). I needed someone there to hold the baby so I could do things & get some sleep.
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I know there's only anecdotal evidence behind it, but I'm encapsulating my placenta to hopefully ward off baby blues.
I've already reached out to my mom to see if she can just fly back after DH leaves. No need for them to overlap if I only have each for a short time.
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A hired mothers helper sounds like a good idea! The first month or two was rough even with DH home in the evenings. I had someone stopping by almost every day to say hi, or hold the baby for the first few weeks and that helped a lot. The hardest part is newborns don't actually sleep in much longer chunks at night, so you never get a true break.
Do you have friends who could come by and visit to break things up?
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@ModernDayJibarita: I had a LOT of house guests during my maternity leave & it was a double-edged sword. It was great to have help, but really hard to have people in our space for so long. Overbooking is actually something I regret & something I tried to avoid the second time around.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: You will want some help when you are recovering for sure. I also think some help in the first month is important due to the emotional/hormonal aspect. New babies can cry and cry and having someone to take turns with is vital.... That being said, I'm sure you could handle it, especially after you're feeling better post delivery.
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@brownepiano: I could have friends come over, but that doesn't seem ideal. If early mothering is as stressful as it seems I certainly don't want to talk about it. No need to voice the negatives!
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I think it's a good idea to have someone with you. PPD could just sneak up on you and it might be difficult to recognize yourself. I hope your mom can make the trip out to you!
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I wouldn't have friends come over to voice the negatives, but to enjoy the positives! I enjoyed my baby more when I could step back for a little while and see him hanging out on someone else. And it helped me remember that there was a world outside.
Also having someone willing to hold him for a nap so I could also nap was amazing! He always slept longer when held.Most of my friends who came over didn't have kids yet but wanted kids soon or were pregnant, so they were very interested in all the ins and outs of babies.
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I would have struggled, especially the first 8 weeks or so. DD was really fussy and I had some recovery complications and was dying for a few minutes to myself by the time he got home.
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I am sure I would have survived, as in neither of us would have died, but I would have had an awful time and would not recommend it. If you mom can come in when he is leaving that would be a good compromise. The evenings and nights could be really bad. And you might have a difficult recovery- but I had a really easy physical recovery and still would have struggled.
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I'm kinda surprised at the answers. I don't think its at all ideal to be alone 24/7 a week pp.
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@Maysprout: I think some of the initial answers were based on people thinking I meant solo parenting during the work day only.
@brownepiano: your situation sounds lovely. I only have one childless local friend. All of my friends have been there and done that and are quick to offer up their horror stories about birth and life with baby. Here I am being negative Nancy myself about my pals. They do mean well, but early post partum visit- nah!
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I definitely could not have done it! I broke my tailbone delivering LO, so that colors my response a little, but still would not recommend even without recovery complications.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Ok. Your mom trading of with DH sounds good (I am going to ask my mom to do the same this time, but DH will be home evenings). If you hire someone to help, don't be afraid to sleep while they are there. I've even heard of post-partum doulas and night doulas. I know this is anecdotal, but the lack of sleep is what really did me in.
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Aww moms are the best- she's going to make sure I'm not alone for at least the first 3 weeks! She wasn't even dissappointed it may mean waiting to come visit when the baby is a week or two old.
ETA: if I need more 24 hour help I'm sure she'll abandon her work duties, but hopefully it won't come to that.
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That sounds tough. I'd get someone to help. Maybe mothers helper to give you a break?
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That sounds pretty difficult to me. You just can't predict if you'll be in good shape after baby is born, or whether they'll be an easy baby. It's hard enough being cooped up with a newborn nine to five without adult conversation or anyone to relieve you if you need to eat or nap. That sounds way worse.
For what it's worth I had a very easy pregnancy and birth with DS and I don't know what happened after that, but my recovery was awful. I think I just didn't prioritize eating so I was dizzy and weak all the time, and just getting us both through the day alive was a struggle. I thought this was normal until I had DD - totally different story, I could handle two kids solo easily almost from day one, and felt great right away. It's a good idea to hope for the best but plan for the worst, I guess...
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Ah, I see you revised your question! In that case, I would want some help if he will be gone for 2 months straight. I really appreciated the middle of the night help from DH even though he was gone all day and home after "bedtime". He got up every night and kept me company. Glad your mom can help!
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My husband stayed home for three weeks after our son was born, and then he helped overnight for another five weeks. I would have lost it without his help. But I am one of those moms who is glad to work full time, and I enjoy parenting much more now that my son can talk. I am not really cut out for infant care.
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With just one kid? Yeah. It would have sucked and I would have felt like it was impossible but looking back on what it was like with just DD after she was born, totally doable. Now with DS and a 2 year old? No. I would need some kind of help.
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No way could I have done it in your situation with my PPD and breastfeeding struggles. I hope you have an easier time but I was completely blindsided by how hard it was with my first. I had an easy labor and delivery and thought mat leave would be a breeze. It was one of the hardest times of my life.
The second time around I had a terrible labor & delivery experience (emergency CS) but was in 1,000 times better place emotionally and was able to handle DH working 15 hour days helping out on a farm with two kids under 4 post CS pretty well.
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If DH had the option to cancel, he would. Not only to help but also to be there for the newborn days when they grow and change so much and so fast!
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@birdofafeather: That was his first thought too when I told him my mom's current/anticipated schedule. I'm sure he could get out of it, but I'm encouraging him not to. He had to apply for this rotation almost a year ago before we became pregnant. When he was selected he received his second choice of when to attend and there isn't a guarantee he'll have this opportunity again. He needs to go!
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I did this. My husband was out of town Monday to Friday, from the time baby was 5 weeks til she was 9 weeks. It was not ideal. I have an easy baby who started sleeping through the night at 5 weeks, I had an easy recovery, and I love the newborn days. But it was still rough. I needed a few minutes to myself, to not be her sole caregiver. My mom visited a lot, and that helped. But it was still hard.
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I would look into finding a few babysitters and mommy's helpers to be able to call for help in case you need back-up. You might be able to push through a rough day and night, but you'll feel better if someone can come the next day while you catch up on some sleep.
My son was extremely colicky from day 1 and ended up also having silent reflux and the first 10-11 weeks of his life were a complete nightmare. As far as PP help, my husband was around but had a very long 150 mile commute a few days a week so I wasn't okay with him doing any MOTN wakings since I was attempting to BF anyway although my mom helped the first 3 weeks. Between the two of them, I had someone to hold my son while he screamed once or twice day, during which I would either leave the house for some silence or TRY to sleep for an hour or two (it was hard because he screamed so loudly). I had such severe sleep deprivation that I ended up with PPA/PPD even with placenta encapsulation. If I was completely alone during that time, I would have lost it for sure and would have had to get help immediately.
Obviously, some newborns are more normal and will just eat and sleep and you may be able to get away with just having friends visit regularly and hold the baby for a little while, but that just wasn't the case for us. I'm pregnant with #2 now and because of how hard DS1 was last time, my husband has been adamant about me contracting with this nanny referral service in town so that I can speed-dial help if this baby follows in his brother's footsteps.
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For sure! It wouldn't be ideal, for dad and baby bonding, but I could totally do it. My recovery after LO1 was a bit rough with stitches, and I think I still could have managed alone.
FI travels a fair bit for projects for work, and with LO3 on the way this is something I have had to consider too.
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I'm glad your mum is coming to help. I couldn't have handled this at all. I counted down the hours until DH got home in the evenings. Those first few weeks were really hard for me - this time I'm going to accept more help from my inlaws and make more plans with friends so I'm not alone so much.
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I would definitely want help, especially since it's your first and you have no idea what you are getting into.
My first LO was a very difficult newborn. He cried a lot, we had MAJOR BF issues and he barely slept other than 20 min catnaps. I needed my husband not only for emotional and hands on support, but because of the BF issues I needed to pump and I could not do it when I was alone. It was extremely stressful and I suspect I had some medium-level PP anxiety. If I had been alone 24/7 with him, well, it would have been bad. That said, my second LO was a complete angel. She rarely cried, no BF issues at all and slept all the time the first three months. My DH had a month of paternity leave for our 2nd and basically felt like he didn't do anything during that month since I barely needed help and she was such an easy baby.
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Hmm I guess one can do it but doing it with help is a lot easier. My DH went back to work immediately after both births. He was out of town with our second M-F (so your scenario). My mom was here for the first two weeks and that helped a lot especially since I had a 21m old to care for too. So with some help in the really early days you can do it. And if you have help from DH for the first two weeks and then your mom for the next three weeks I think your DH should go for it!
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I guess if I had to, I would/could, but I definitely wouldn't want to, especially since I had c-sections. Any help you can get would be beneficial. I had a hard time just parenting alone during the day!
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I am glad your mom will come for a while! I had a high needs baby for LO1 and had both DH and my mom with me for most of the first month. Even then it was hard. LO2 is a much more chill baby but even then it was great to have my parents here for two weeks and hand off the baby once a day to take a nap. The other thing that made a big difference was letting someone else think about and plan for meals. If DH can do grocery shopping and maybe meal prep while he is home on the weekends and then your mom can cook during the week that would help a lot.
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@YouGotMe: same! I couldn't have done it but I was dealing with a lot of emotional stuff too. I'm still not totally sure if it was PPD or if I just had a harder time adjusting. But no way I could have done 2 straight months solo.
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Maybe I should stop hoping to go 42 weeks
that way DH will have more time at home. When we interviewed doulas there were a few that were post partum doulas and one in particular I really liked. She actually uses my doula as her back up. I'll get in touch with her and check out the Mother's Helper section further on Care.com. After the first 4-5 weeks it gets better right?
Obviously when DH is home on the weekend I'll have to use my time wisely- grocery shop and prep meals while he has solo bonding with baby.
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@MamaCate: in fact when she comes back in March (she's lined up doctor appointments for a week) she's going to help me make freezer meals!
ETA: ha I wish food duties were shared among my hubby & I. I may be able to convince him to grocery shop for me to pick up the heavy things, but that literally means me taking a picture of the item I want and telling him the aisle. It's easier for me just to ask the store employees for assistance.
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I agree with all the pps who are suggesting a mother's helper. My other suggestion is an occasional night nurse. I have a friend here who had a 1 year old when she found out she was pregnant with twins (not planned). She was totally freaking out, but her husband agreed to hire a night nurse....and the twins are now 6 months old and they still have the night nurse! She still comes 3-4 nights a week so the parents get a break (babies are ff).
I know some people manage to have 3 under 2 without help, but if you CAN get help, do! She found her night nurse on care.com and seems to really love her.
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I think like all hard things in life, you could do it if you had to - but it would be tough. My baby was really difficult, but I think even with the easiest baby in the world it would be very easy to feel isolated through lack of adult conversation and interaction, especially if you are used to WOH. Glad your mum is going to come and help!
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DH took 2 weeks off then went back to work. And my mom wasn't always available, so I def did it myself, but probably for a few hours during the day at most. It was really daunting as an emotional new mom! But I got through it.
DH had to go on a 2 night trip after she turned 2 mo. My mom stayed with me, but I can't remember if she got up with me MOTN too or not.
It was tough! But more just emotional for me.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I think having him gone during the nights will be the toughest part. Can you have a family member come help?
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I mean... it's doable... in the sense that you've gotta do what you've gotta do, so you'll do it and get through it. But it'll suck.
I wouldn't say that I had PPD, but I definitely struggled with the baby blues and actually had pretty bad anxiety at the thought of my husband going back to work. He ended up staying home with us for 4 weeks and then working from home two days a week for another 4 weeks. It wasn't until around 8 weeks that I started to feel better/normal.
that way DH will have more time at home. 
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