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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: maybe you could work on DH learning how to grocery shop with you between now and your due date? I don't think I went to the store for at least the first six weeks either time. Freezer meals are a great idea too! I think the new mama needs to focus on feeding the baby, bonding with the baby and recovering from delivery and that pretty much fills your day. So everything other than that can be delegated if possible.
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I think its more easily mananged while you are home on maternity leave than if you were back at work... My husband had to go on mandatory 12hr night shift 7 days a week for 27 days a month after i went back to work. It was extremely hard. i would leave for work before he came home and he would leave before I got home. The only time he saw our daughter was on Sat, Sun, and Mon afternoons when he got up to go back to work.
My advice would be to plan for friends/ family to visit a couple nights a week just for some company. Try to go to bed when you put the baby down to sleep, and have a couple numbers for handymen, or people you can call if something goes wrong at the house and just be willing to throw money at the problem. We had a winter storm during all this and a tree fell on our house, we lost power and our basement flooded. Murphy's law if something can go wrong it will. Another night I was by myself and I was coming home from work and I got a flat (with the baby with me) Luckily my BIL was able to come help me out.
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I would have really struggled on my own. Working on 2 hour chunks of sleep made me kind of desperate at times for a break. And DS had a witching hour at 6pm that made me crazy.
I also thought things like grocery shopping would be no big deal, but I only managed to do it once on my own. I wore DS and then had such trouble getting anything lower down off the shelves. And I had to have someone come out with me and load my car.
Also, I have no interest in being a solo parent, and neither does DH. We are BOTH parents, I would not feel it was any more appropriate for him to miss the first few months of baby's life than it would be for me. But that's just my take on it.
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@mediagirl: well my mom will come. She will delay her visit so that she'll be there when my husband leaves for his assignment. At first she was planning to come back as soon as she got the call the baby was coming. Since that would double up on help for me the new plan will spread it out.
As for other family that can just come stay with me. Likely not. I don't think my bro or his gf would want to camp out at my house and deal with a much longer commute to get to work. My dad would be way back up option, but I can forsee his presence stressing me out more and interfering with weekend family bonding. I wouldn't be able to just have him pack up each week and return since he's older and gets warn out with the travel involved.
We don't mind throwing money at the problem with helpers. @Mamacate: my husband's idea of helping me with the groceries is a Hello Fresh subcription.
@Shootingstar: I totally hear what you're saying. As much as we would both love for the timing of this rotation to better where he could take his 6 weeks paternity leave once the baby arrives it's not. I don't think less of him as a parent for not cancelling the rotation. If I asked him to he would in a heartbeat. I'm focusing on how in the evenings we plan to Skype as the three of us and what fun the he & LO will have on the weekends. Then, at some point this year he gets to finally take his leave and create some weekday solo memories of his own.
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I solo parented for 36 hours on my maternity leave. If I had to, I could do it for many weeks with a newborn but I wouldn't want to. If you will have help, that's great! I wouldn't have had any help because my family still works. I know it isn't ideal but people in the military do it all the time.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I think you have the right idea . . . to focus on what you can do! There's no way to know how things will go in the early weeks . . . it's not an ideal situation, but y'all will make the best of it. I would find resources now and test them out . . . like grocery delivery services, meal delivery services, a maid service every other week or so, etc., to make it as easy on yourself as possible.
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While I agree that it wouldn't be ideal, my DH didn't really do much for the first few weeks! Not because he didn't want to but because baby nursed every 1.5 hours throughout the day and night. He may have changed a few dipes but thats about all he could do! We mainly ordered food in and sometimes family brought food.
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DH went back to work at two weeks and all was fine. The evenings were more difficult though, so I was glad to have him there. Maybe you could get some evening help?
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We got a lot of advice to only have my DH home for 2 weeks and save his other 2 weeks for when I went back to work. We didn't do this - he stayed home with me for the first month. Honestly I can't imagine it differently. I really needed him and I felt like it was so important for our family bonding. And we had help too for the first 10 days.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Chiming in to say, I did it and survived
And I had an unexpected C-section. My LO was born in August and my husband works in college admissions so he travels all fall recruiting students (we live in MA and his territory was IL, WI, MO- so a flight away at least). He would be gone for 2 weeks at a time and then come home for a quick weekend. It lasted until October 31st and we have no family living close-- my mom did come and stay for a week, it was amazing!!
My BIL lives about an hour away and he brought me a veggie lasagna that I really appreciated (I may have eaten Halloween candy for bfast/lunch/dinner on some low days). We had a daily dog walker and a weekly cleaning lady so that was awesome. I tried to go out every day-- it was the fall in New England so perfect weather for it. I felt really empowered that I could do it-- only once I remember texting my husband that I didn't think I could make it alone, I needed help (I think there was a lot of crying that day)- but overall I think back fondly to my solo time, I really bonded with my LO and we had a great routine. Good luck! -
@RLCeigh: oh wow!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! Very encouraging!
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I haven't read all the comments, but I'm so glad your mom will be there with you! I had a baby that would really only sleep in my arms so not having another set of hands would mean not showering, not eating much that I could prep with one hand, not cleaning, etc and not sleeping!
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I think your plan sounds great! With tiny babies its survival mode, so you can all bond later.
What helped me-- having a reason to attempt to shower/get dressed/smell OK-- mine was a cute dog walker! Ha! He came every weekday and I knew I needed to be presentable by noon, kept me from not putting on clothes/a little make-up for the entire week.
I had my routine and I knew every step I needed to do-- giving baby a bath by the kitchen sink meant removing his clothes/diaper in the kitchen and throwing them on the floor- no one to hold the baby while I did things, but I knew after bath I would have some time to put him in the swing and clean up. I was super organized!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! Very encouraging!
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