After reading Mrs. Jump Rope's post about wills, I realized that DH and I have a dilemma about guardianship. My parents are too old to become guardians of our children (my dad is almost 70) and I am 100% opposed to DH's family raising our child because their values are so different from ours and we know they don't treat children equally.
Who have you decided on or would you consider to be LO's guardian?
coconut / 8681 posts
That’s a good question. I’d say my sister but I’m not positive. I’ll have to talk to DH about this!
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
As much as we're not really close, I would want my brother and SIL to be her guardian. They are well off and would provide an amazing life for her full of experiences she wouldn't get elsewhere.
pomelo / 5178 posts
We've specified that out kids would go to my SIL if anything happened to us. She's in her late 30's, single, has a really great/steady career, good income, owns her own house, etc... Neither of us felt comfortable leaving our kids to our parents due to health issues; and I pretty much immediately eliminated my sisters because they're completely unreliable (except for maybe my little sister, but she has some medical issues to deal with).
That left my two SILs, one of which already has a kid of her own and isn't the most stable person in the world... The older SIL is also the only person out of both families I feel would make a real effort in terms of keeping both families in touch with the kids. And she's our kids' godmother, so we know she'll keep our kids involved in our religion (which my family absolutely would not do, and most of DH's family is no longer practicing).
pomelo / 5331 posts
DH's best friend and his wife. We'll ask them first (they have two kids) but we're both only children and all our parents are almost 70.
persimmon / 1205 posts
Sadly, we didn't feel comfortable with any of our siblings. We will be asking DH's uncle, who is my age, and his wife. They have two kids and are amazing parents. If they do not feel comfortable with the responsibility, we will be asking our close friends who are like siblings to us. I know they would love our daughter like their own.
DH has 14 year old twin sisters, and we will be the guardians for them should anything happen to DH's mother and step-father. It's a great responsibility, but one we welcome - especially now that we know understand how important it is to know those we leave will be well taken care of.
GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts
Most likely DH's oldest brother and his wife. They have two kids already, but they are well-off (I hate that that was a consideration, but it was--they can financially handle taking on another child) and have very similar religious and political views as we do.
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
My brother and his wife. They share our same values across the board and they are very well off and would be able to provide for our children. We plan to ask them in a few weeks.
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
We haven't talked about this yet but I have thought about it. My brother and sister-in-law live to far away. DH sister and her husband live 4 hours away and live in a small town that I wouldn't want my kids growing up in. My sister isn't married, so I am not sure how she would feel about it. So basically no clue!
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
My older sister and her husband (although I haven't talked to H about this, actually). They already have a son and I know my sister would raise our (future) child as her own and would make sure to talk about us too, plus keep in touch with relatives on both sides. They are well off, but honestly, once we have a kid I plan to get pretty darn good life insurance policies so hopefully that wouldn't matter anyway.
The only reason I could see reevaluating is we live in Boston, and they will be in NJ, so once the kids are older, I could see not wanting to uproot them.
pineapple / 12526 posts
DH and I have discussed this. With him being military, they want you to do your will and stuff before a deployment. I think we've decided that it's going to be my oldest brother and his ladyfriend. They've already raised one daughter and I trust them to raise mine.
pineapple / 12793 posts
DH and I decided on my sister and her husband. We are going to talk to them about it next week. They are the most settled of our siblings and live close to my parents.
I have a friend who chose me as guardian, but didn't tell me until after the fact and it totally freaked me out. I love her little girl dearly, but was happy I didn't get an out of the blue phone call.
eggplant / 11287 posts
My younger sister and her soon to be husband. They are super fun and outgoing, and love to do active things (what we would do with our children). They also hold the same religious beliefs and are similar in age to us, which I think is important.
grapefruit / 4649 posts
We don't have a baby yet so it has all been a hypothetical and I kept hoping that things would be more obvious by the time we started our family.
My parents would be my first choice but my father is in poor health and between work and caring for him my mom would be just in over her head. His parents are enjoying being empty nesters so much and have really forgotten what it is like to have little ones around, it feels like it would be a big burden to expect them to spend the next 18+ years raising our kids.
None of our siblings are in a place where they would be ready to parent with the exception of the one I would like least to be guardians. Eventually, I could see my brother or my husband's youngest brother being the right choice once they are married (both have awesome long term girlfriends.)
Not a fun thing to ponder...
blogger / coconut / 8306 posts
This was a hot topic of discussion in our household for a REALLY long time.
We made a list of values and characteristics we wanted in a person/persons to care for our child, and potentially future children. When we made our list of requirements of a guardian, it was pretty clear who we should name guardian.
It's also important to note that we made the decision based on both of us dying within the near future. We will re-evaluate in the future based on the number of children we have, the health and age status of the family we've already named guardians, and where we're living at the time.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
Right now we are planning on using DH's brother and sister in law. They are my age and financially capable of offering her a similar lifestyle to what we would be able too. My siblings would both great candidates too, but not as financially well off as DH's sibling.
pomegranate / 3716 posts
@spaniellove: Is there an actual legal age that make someone too old to be a legal guardian? Or is it that 70 just seems too old to be one?
Ugh, this topic weighs on me too... my parents are older too (dad is 67, mom is 64), but they are financially well off and would be able to provide for my (hypothetical) children. DH's parents are not well off, and I don't think they would be able to (although they might want to).
My sister is only 21. DH's sister and her husband would be the most logical choice, but they have 2 kids and I don't agree with all of their parenting choices, and some of their decisions really baffle me.
So, no idea.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
We have no idea either. We have the added bonus of having families in two different countries on two different continents. So the big thing for us is where we will be living and how the laws apply. For example, since I am not a citizen of the country I live in, I would have to leave the country if my husband and I divorced. No idea what would happen if he died, if I'd be allowed to stay. We really need to get moving on finding an attorney that has a clue.
squash / 13764 posts
I would like my sister and brother in law...DH also has a brother, but they have 3 kids with one on the way, and they both work a ton, so I feel like it would be really difficult for them to manage our LO (and potentially any other LOs of ours). My sister has two kids, and seems like she has a more "scheduled" life, if that makes sense--like she's a bit more organized. But we haven't really come to a conclusion on it...it's something we definitely need to do once LO is born.
For those who are concerned about potential guardians not being well off, wouldn't the be the beneficiaries of any life insurance policies/investments that you guys have? I always assumed that's how it worked, so DH's and my savings/life insurance would go to whoever was our kids' guardians, which would allow them to hopefully have the financial means to raise our kids and not add any financial burden onto them.
honeydew / 7916 posts
@sweetchic: I don't think there's a maximum age (although there is a minimum age); I'm just not comfortable with the idea of my dad starting over as a parent at 70 or even 80.
After a lot of thought and more discussion with DH I think we might ask a cousin of mine once we have a LO. She has 2 older children and understands what our child will go through being biracial and possibly special needs. I'm an only child and DH's sister is too unstable so that rules out siblings.
@hilsy85: Yes, but...I'd prefer that the money not be desperately needed for their care. Once you're gone you won't be there to dictate how the money is spent.
squash / 13764 posts
@spaniellove: Oh for sure, I wouldn't choose someone who was living in poverty or anything like that...but I always figured that whatever money we left to the care of our children would help with their raising, could go toward college (if we made college funds), etc.
honeydew / 7916 posts
@hilsy85: Oh yeah definitely...I hope that's how it would be spent. For me personally I think it's also about hoping they'd continue to be raised in a similar environment and still be able to have things growing up without taking away from other children in the family.
hostess / papaya / 10540 posts
We just had this chat last night. I feel like we have no great options. 
Though, I guess I'll always feel like no one will be better than us.
kiwi / 614 posts
My sister and her husband. I feel bad leaving that burden on our parents as they have already raised their children and I think they should get to enjoy their golden years (even if they still are in their 50s). My sister and I are pretty similar, so it just seemed like an obvious choice for DH and me.
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