And I will probably share some of it, someday.

I do not like our life right now. I love you, I love our daughter, but at this exact moment in time I would change so much if I had any idea of where to begin. I will probably feel differently in a minute, an hour, a day; God knows I have been a moody little sh*t since M was born. But right now? I am disappointed that my 35 years alive and our 15 years married have culminated to this trite bickering over bills and sex and what we should eat for dinner.
I wish you made more money. It is not feminist, it is not fair. For all of the years prior to this one I couldn’t have cared less how you made a living or how much money you brought home. But now, with work all day and taking care of M all night, I find our stark budgeting exhausting. Knowing I can’t squeeze another penny out of my workday makes me wish you could.
I know you think you understand how sleep deprived I am, but you don’t. You, who sleep well enough to have to ask me in the morning how the night went, you who catnaps in the blink of an eye and never wonder who was entertaining the baby while you dozed on the couch. Over a year with 4-5 hours of sleep or less a night. I am not just tired, I am changed. Instead of giving me dreams, the sandman takes- my sense of humor, my patience, my resiliency, all pilfered.
I know our love life sucks. I know we have become a statistic, a couple whose relationship quality declines with the birth of their child. With all of our history and best of intentions and what I thought were very realistic expectations, we have fallen in the muck. And in my frustration and exhaustion and selfishness I sometimes imagine that I would rather be in the muck alone- I think that I could clean this up better myself. But that is not true. You are my everything. I do NOT want to do this without you, specifically YOU, whose name is synonymous with passion and laughter and peace in my heart.
We are in a storm of circumstances that will pass. Hang on, baby.

Do you have anything you wish you could say to your SO?