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apricot / 370 posts
I think part of being baptized into a church is joining that community, so it seems if you are going to start attending one or the other or both, maybe you can pick the church where your family feels most comfortable?
Also, Catholic churches are so different church to church. We were able to find one that allowed two females to participate in the baptism (one as godparent, other as Christian witness), but I had to call around to 4-5 different churches to find that. Many don't require the parents to be Catholic to do the baptism though because they consider the infant a separate party - as long as there is at least one Catholic godparent.
grapefruit / 4045 posts
But will the kids feel differently about being baptized different religions when they are old enough to know they are different from each other?
I'm really planning to baptize my child catholic first followed by a dedication at a non-denom christian church. I hadn't thought that would be a problem at all.
bananas / 9227 posts
@bluestriped bee: No, the Lutheran church that I love is local (a long flight away from my hometown). My grandma couldn't make the trip out, so we ended up flying to her and had DD blessed in hometown so grandma could witness it. The plan was to continue with having DD baptized at the Lutheran church, but DH's side of the family isn't religious and so we never got around to it. I really wish I had though.
bananas / 9227 posts
@josina: It was a real shock to me as well. Some of the people I know that got turned down (for a baptism) had strong roots with the church: long-time parishioners with family that's volunteered many hours to the church. It lessened the sting with LO's baptism denial, but it's so not right. I know a few of the people found alternate churches (in another state) that allowed it. But I'm sure they probably didn't have to travel that far.
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
@agold: I think in that case, we could help them convert. I don't think there is anything wrong with converting and they'll know that since we are open to them choosing what they want when they are older.
For our case, we want to bring them up understanding and being exposed to both. Since they can't be baptized both Catholic and Lutheran, we have to choose. Both religions do infant baptisms, so anyone who chooses to do infant baptisms (aside from my twin issue) will always have worry about the what ifs. What if they don't want to be that religion?
There families all over the country that might even have a harder situation of two religions that are polar opposites. I think they have somehow made it work. I think as parents we will educate and show them both. Luckily, being baptized does not mean you can't practice or believe in something else.
So in the grand scheme of things, I don't think this situation is all the difficult. Yeah, it's weird and yeah, it's not popular. Yeah, we'll have to come up with a solution when they ask us a question we can't answer. Will I regret this? Maybe. Will we regret not baptizing them? Maybe even more. The one thing I do know is we do want to baptize them in the next 1-2 years.
I don't think there is a perfect solution so we are compromising as parents. Let's say DH and I both start practicing our religions and we baptize them both Catholic. There's is probably going to be questions why we didn't chose DH's religion. I think there might even be other questions, like why we didn't chose [insert another religion]. I think explaining to our kids why we made the decision when we did and giving them the ability to convert or switch is the best we can do. I think it's better than my parents who told me any other religion other than Catholic is wrong. Yes, the Catholic church has strict views on certain things. Some parishes/priests are stricter than others. Do I, as a Catholic, believe every single thing the Catholic church teaches? No. There's definitely some blurry lines already because DH and I aren't strict Catholic or Lutherans. We know that we aren't perfect and we will let our kids know that. Our views change and so will theirs.
watermelon / 14467 posts
Our situation is a bit different as my husband is not religious and I am Christian (Baptist, but attend a non-denominational church). So he has agreed that I can raise them in the church as long as they are wanting to go (I'm not allowed to force them). In my faith, there are baby dedications at some churches (not mine) and he has agreed to stand up with me if that's what I choose, but baptism is something that you choose for yourself when you accept Christ as your savior and it is an outward showing of the inner change. I was baptized when I was an adult even though I accepted Christ as a child, mainly because of my painful shyness and not wanting to be in front of the church on a pedestal with everyone looking at me (at that church, you had to come forward in front of the church before you could be baptized).
pomegranate / 3863 posts
My sister and I were baptized as Presbyterian and our brother was baptized as catholic. Honestly that's not what I would want for my kids. It always caused a separation on religious holidays because we were at different churches. I always felt like I was choosing my mom over my dad (who was catholic) even though it wasn't my choice. It was really disruptive to our family dynamic. I wish that since they couldn't come to an agreement on what denomination they wanted us all to be, that they had let us choose for ourselves as we got older.
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
@petunia354: Hmmm, yeah, I don't think we would split the kids and ourselves each Sunday. I think we'll just go together as a family one week and maybe the next week go to the other. Maybe stay at one church for one month and switch. We usually don't go to church on holidays.... at least for now.
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
Infant baptism isn't binding anyway - it has to be confirmed by the individual as a teen or later on. Most Protestant denominations as a result have shifted to infant blessings or dedications where they welcome the baby into the family of God and charge the parents and family and community to raise the child as a Christian.
I imagine since the Catholics are more rigid, to go with a Catholic "baptism" and then go with an infant dedication and blessing with the Lutherans who will probably understand if you explain the mixed denomination issue in your family.
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
So DH is having some reservations about the Lutheran church now. I think a part of it is his dad, who divorced his mom, is now highly religious and has been saying some stuff to DH. FIL is disappointed that DH isn't closer to God. DH is turned off by it now.
If he goes to church, he will be faking it and he doesn't want that.
He said he'll be okay with having the twins baptized Catholic as long as they see me going to church (since I am willing and want to go.) He said he'll come with us to mass, too.
I do think we have some time to see if this is just a phase but we'll definitely continue talking about what we both want for our kids.
I definitely don't consider this a win in my book. I never wanted the Catholic baptism to be a default. Maybe in a few months, he'll reconsider. Maybe find a new church. Or become familiar with the catholic church. (I'm not asking him to convert. If it happens, it will be up to him.) I'm disappointed that his father has done this to him. I really wanted to show our kids both of our religions. I know there are other ways to expose our kids to other religions.
We have a good year to see how this pans out.
Thanks for all of your questions and insight.
I'll be closing this topic soon.
nectarine / 2085 posts
@bluestriped bee: I think you're making the right choice to wait and see. Honestly, there isn't anything "bad" to come of not doing it right away from a spiritual standpoint, and I think the family dynamics here make it prudent to wait. Although I'm a fan of infant baptism, and I generally think babies should be baptized sooner rather than later, I think this is one situation where it's worth it for the family to figure it out together. And I think it's an EXCELLENT idea to all go to Mass together! Prayers for you and your babes.
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