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My sister is adopted and found out from an older sibling when she was 6 or so. Based on that experience, I wouldn't keep an adoption a secret...

But if I did decide to keep it a secret, I would make sure to keep it a real secret and not share with anyone!

I think every child deserves to know...they don't need to know the circumstances behind the adoption but that they are. I would hate for my child to find out I had been lying to them their whole lives. My friend has adopted three kids from Korea and makes a huge deal over their "plane day." She celebrates the fact that they are adopted.

I think a lot of the stigmas of adoption have gone away. It used to be kind of a secretive thing. But now I feel like it's celebrated more than it ever has, which i love. I think it would be a VERY hard secret to keep! I don't think I would be comfortable with it.

I would definitely tell and have it be a part of how our family was formed. I know many adoptive parents who have done this beautifully since their children came home. I wouldn't want to have a sit down conversation to break the news. I think we would really discuss it early on and have it be part of our story.

Oh man, I feel like that's a dangerous game to be playing. I think the older the child is when they find out, the more likely they are to believe that their whole life has been a lie. My cousin is adopted and she's always known - it seems like such a huge thing to spring on somebody once they're "old enough to understand", I feel like it's much better to have it always be part of the fabric of their identity.

I think it's important to tell them and I think the best way is to not make a big deal about it and make sure they are aware from a very young age. I think it would be better for someone to know they were adopted ever since they could remember rather than finding out and experiencing that shock.

I think it's important, if anything because they need to know they do not share the same genetic history as their parents. (for illnesses, etc)

I would share age appropriate information from the beginning. I haven't given adoption much thought but if we were ever to adopt I would never want it to have the slightest bit of negativity associated with it. It seems very short sighted to cover it up.

I met someone recently, a friend of a friend who told me someone spilled the beans to her adopted son that he was adopted. She didn't get into the details but I definitely felt like it was strange she and her husband didn't tell their son themselves. I think he was around 7 when he found out.

My FILs GF has two adopted children. They both know they are adopted. I believe she told one child about her biological parents but not the other.

I would absolutely make sure the information was known to my child from an early age.

In your specific situation I probably would have flat out said to your coworker that it makes me very uncomfortable that she has chosen to share such information with me when she has not shared it with her child. That seems wildly inappropriate.

I can't imagine not telling my child from the very beginning that they were adopted. I wouldn't want them to ever "find out" at any age because I'd just want it to be their reality as they grow up.

Our son has known all along he was adopted and his brothers and sister are biological. As he grows older he is starting to understand more and more about what that means and we answer all of his questions to the best of our ability.

My cousins are adopted (they're a different race so it is obvious) but they always knew they were. My aunt talked about how they came from another lady's tummy rather than their mommy but that lady couldn't take care of them so they got a new mommy. That's how she described it and they've never known differently.

My neighbor growing up on the other hand was adopted and her parents finally told her at 13!! I actually found out at around the same time she did. I am a year younger. She acted out a lot after that and told all of these stories about how she is related to most of the presidents of the US. I asked her if she found out all of that from her birth family and she said something to the effect of, "Well, I COULD be related to anyone!" Looking back it was kind of sad seeing her try to fabricate a new family history because what she thought was true wasn't. All in all, I would definitely tell them and not at X age. Make it a part of the conversation as they grow up.

Honestly, weaving the "narrative" (aka lying) and sticking to it despite all sorts of questions.... I couldn't do it, even if I wanted to.

I think adoption is a beautiful thing (tho usually resulting from some sort of heartbreak) and it love to share that with my child, the story of who they are and how they came to be with us.

I think it is super important for the child to know from the beginning. That being said, adoption is complicated, and I could understand parents being vague to strangers or acquaintances about their child's adoption.