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Unfortunately, for some of us, we can't get the age gaps we want for our kids.

I waited to try for my second bc I just didn't have baby fever or a desire to have two super little ones. So we started trying a little before DD1 was 2 aiming for a 2.5- 3 year gap which I thought would be just perfect. It took us about 8 cycles to get pregnant with DD2 making our girls almost exactly 3 years apart. Well, my DD2 was diagnosed with polycystic kidney disease in utero and only lived 13 hours after she was delivered at 37 weeks. My girls' birthdays are 3 years and 2 days apart. It was/is so hard when all of DD1's friends have little siblings and all she can do is say she has a sister but that she died.

We waited a year to start trying again (physically bc i had a csection and also to grieve and heal emotionally). I'm 25 weeks pregnant and DD1 will have just turned 5 when her baby brother is due. So it's not the age gap I planned for my family but it's what we ended up with. So many friends have moved past the baby stage and I'm just going to be starting over. So many of DD1's friends have 1 (or more) siblings and I wish so badly her sister were here to be her playmate. But I can also see positives with this large 5 year gap. LO is at a stage where she is so helpful and understanding - I think she is going to be a great big sister. She's going to school full time this fall so she'll have her friends and activities while I'm at home caring for an infant and stuck in the nap trap. And as they get older we'll just have to do our best to foster a close and loving sibling relationship. Maybe having such a big gap and having very separate life stages will reduce any sibling rivalry issues.

So few things in life are perfectly planned. I can understand the anxiety and worry though as you see the gap getting bigger and bigger. I wish you the best of luck!

@ElbieKay: wishing you the best for a BFP this time!

@Revel: we wanted a 2 year gap but got a 3, and I have heard a 4 year gap is actually really great too! There are definitely kids in my daughters preschool with a 4 or so year gap. And I worked with kindergarten students expecting their first baby sibling and it was the sweetest thing ever, they actually understood a lot more than the 0-3 or so year olds. Age gaps don't determine how close your kids will be. Whatever it turns out to be it will be worth the wait. I know it sucks not knowing though.

@Revel: We wanted an 18 month-2 year age gap, got a 3 year age gap instead. I think whatever you end up with, it feels right for your family once the baby is here.

I do agree the disappoinment is the hardest when you're still trying. I remember every month that went by, I would mentally check off "Well now they'll be X months apart." That thinking was not helpful. Wishing you luck on trying, because I do think once I was pregnant with DS, the anxiety about the age gap really went away because I knew what it was going to be.

On a side note, my half-sisters are ten and thirteen years older than me and we've always been close.

@sandy: My sister and I are 7 years apart, and while yes, I'll never know what it's like to have a sibling super close in age, I think it all works out the way it's supposed to I wouldn't trade her for anything else!

I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but I completely understand. We conceived #2 when DD was 1 so we were going to have a 21 month gap... We unfortunately lost our baby boy at 13 weeks though. Besides the obvious grief, I was also grieving a family I had dreamed of (2 kids close in age) Your feelings are totally valid and normal. Although it's hard to accept right now, close in age does not guarantee close siblings. @My Only Sunshine: put it perfectly... Whatever you end up will feel right once your baby is here. Right now I'm focusing on enjoying my DD and spoiling her with 100% of my attention while it's still "only" her. I hope you get your BFP soon!

@sandy: I'm so sorry for your loss. My sisters are 5 and 11 years older than me and my brother is 9 years older. I looked up to them so much when I was growing and I still do. I am close to all of them. I shared a room with my brother until I was 10 and he was 19! He used to run home from school to play with his baby sister Wishing you an uneventful pregnancy and a healthy baby boy

We are likely to have a larger gap than we had anticipated but we always planned on a 3+ gap. We are now looking at a 4.5-5 year gap. I think there are so many benefits to it, I personally could never have handled 2 under 2 or anything close to that. So for my sanity, a larger age gap is ideal.

If it makes anyone feel better about the closeness of siblings who have a large gap, my sister is 10 years older than me and we have always been best friends! And my brother is 6 years older than me and is super close to my sister and I. We've all definitely fought and had our moments but I think our parents did a great job and fostering close relationships and making family time a priority (eating at the dinner table every single night, road trips, going to each others sporting events, etc.).

I felt a lot of anxiety about the widening age gap after I had a chemical pregnancy that would have been my ideal 2.5 year age gap, it was maybe the most stressful part of ttc #2 for me. I ended up getting pregnant again fairly quickly though it didn't feel like it-- dd1 and dd2 will be about 2 years 10 months apart assuming all goes well (I'm 15 weeks now). Now it seems like such a little difference that I feel a bit silly for writing about it here, but it was definitely what I want as fixating on/most impatient about ttc

It took us over 2 years to conceive our second so our kids are 4 years, 4 months apart. It wasn't what we wanted or planned, but rarely does life go according to my plans the positives? My 4 year old is self sufficient and old enough to understand things like waiting, baby is hungry, etc and she is truly helpful. I don't know how I would have survived the first month if she was 2 years old. So yeah, while this isn't what I wanted, it's been great nonetheless and she is such an amazing, sweet, understanding big sister

Also, my brother and I are 4 years apart and we are super close. So age truly ain't nothing but a number best of luck to you!!

I wanted a 3 year age gap but I had 2 miscarriages during the 14 month period it took me to get pregnant. I just entered the third trimester with number 2 so I'm looking at 4 years and 3 months. I get a little bummed about it but I try to remind myself that I'm really close with my sister who is 4.5 years younger than me. I was also really worried that having #2 wasn't going to be in the cards for me after a DOR diagnosis so I'm trying to focus on just being thankful that I'm pregnant with #2 at all. Best of luck to you!