Hellobee Boards

@bhbee: Yeah, loss is so much like TTC in reverse. It took 6 weeks for a HPT to be negative - it was still clearly positive after my first period but thankfully disappeared soon after that. The irony - the universe laughing at me for those months where I wanted nothing more desperately than to see a second line.

@bhbee: yep! It's funny how quickly you go from desperately wanting to see a line to desperately hoping the lines fades more quickly.

@bhbee:

@knittylady: I'm not having any follow up since my situation was pretty straightforward. So I'm on the "take cheapies and wait for ewcm" plan! I swear though I have so many poas photos and such saved (especially from my early losses) that I can practically predict hcg ballpark anyway

@periwinklebee: Great attitude, congratulations and best of luck!!

@periwinklebee: congrats! I hope this is a bring home baby.

@Raspberry: @ALV91711: Thank you!

@bhbee: It's weird, I know a lot of women find pregnancy more difficult after loss, but for right now at least I feel calmer than last time. I know our odds are no better or worse but I think I'm just now recovering from being completely drained emotionally from the last pregnancy and loss, and I just don't have a lot of energy to put into worrying - I'll deal with it when/if it happens and I don't think anything I can do now will make that scenario any easier. It also helps that this is not my first pregnancy this time, I feel all the early pregnancy symptoms that disappeared only a couple of weeks ago (hello sensitive smell) coming back, and I'm like "yup, been there..."

How's your recovery going?

@periwinklebee: I love your peaceful mindset

I'm doing ok. Bleeding has been pretty light. Yesterday I felt pretty ok about things all day, today I was crying in the kitchen listening to sad songs. So, normal I think my mistake today was taking an hpt. I so want all physical parts to be over and I know it's too soon and it was asking for disappointment. I need your zen!

@bhbee: That was me exactly. I found taking hpts upsetting, because it just meant it was going to be that much longer before I was back to normal. And I cried like every single day for the first month, sometimes over real stuff and sometimes just because my hormones were so messed up. I hope you have some good distractions and the next couple of weeks fly by. I found that hormonally I felt much more re-balanced after my first post loss period.

@knittylady: That's awesome! You're body is doing an amazing job at metabolizing the hcg, much better than mine did. Maybe that's the whole 30 working! I bet you will ovulate soon. I think my hcg was around 10 when I ovulated, it doesn't even have to be zero.

@Academicsocialite: I am so sorry for everything that has been thrown your way lately. I hope the lump is nothing; please keep us updated
I will be thinking of you tomorrow

@periwinklebee: I seriously can't wait for a real af! But mostly I need to stop putting a timeline on everything. Let this month be whatever it will be.
@knittylady: yay for a good drop!

@periwinklebee: thank you so much for that reassurance. I'm hoping the same - that it's hormonal or maybe even a milk duct that somehow got clogged when I was wearing too-tight bras, trying to stop my milk from coming in. And at least I'm getting seen tomorrow so I shouldn't have to wait too long for at least a little more information. The bright side is that the nurse practitioner said that otherwise there is no reason, medically speaking, not to start TTC again. So now we just have to work through the emotional side of things... and get over whatever hurdle this boob issue throws at us*

*trying to keep a sense of humor - not sure it's working.

I told my husband about the last night (I was traveling when I tested) and it was so typical pregnant after loss. His first response was "are you sure, isn't it just left over from last time." And then when I explained that my hcg seemed to be going up: "aren't you testing to zero because it could go up due to abnormal growths?" (we may have had a partial molar pregnancy). And then finally, with considerable skepticism "well, I hope it works." Poor guy, I felt bad. He just got his relatively happy wife back after several months of a complicated pregnancy and then me being a basket case after the loss, and he's probably thinking "here we go again." Since it took us awhile last time, he was expecting more of a break. I promised him that if we have another loss, I will try really hard to have a better grip on my emotions and not be so depressed this time (of course, he's sweet about it and said I was great, but I know I wasn't a fun person to be around.) but yeah, who am I kidding, the hormone drop was no joke... Still really happy, and regardless of what happens glad we're here again!

@periwinklebee: definitely been there. I always feel distance from dh about it honestly but I know that time will help. I think this is also why my dh is not so excited to jump back on the bandwagon. But when you get to an easier stage everyone will be happy!

Glad you can enjoy every moment with that little bean

@Academicsocialite: so glad to hear that it was just a cyst. What a relief. I hope the rest of the day goes quickly for you

How is everyone doing on here? I know we all have a big virtual hug for @periwinklebee: - I hope everyone else is hanging in there!

@bhbee: @knittylady: Thank you all Your support really means a lot.

I wrote this on the poas thread, but anyways what we need now is for hcg to fall by Wed and then go to zero. It's so annoying, it was 4 two weeks ago but didn't go below three - which is what my practice considers negative (some have a higher threshold) - so now we have to worry about it being retained tissue and not a CP. If it doesn't fall by Wed we'll have to do an ultrasound and consider treatments for retained tissue. And even if it falls, we have to use contraceptives until they are happy that it has zeroed out. It's fallen by 3 since last Friday, but no sign of bleeding... (AF is now 4 days late)

@knittylady: It's so great that they've been supportive. I really wish I had more people IRL to talk to about the TTC journey, but when I've tried it hasn't gone that well (no, I don't think the problem is our frequency of sex, I know people mean well but ugh).

@periwinklebee: I hope it clears out soon so you don't have to worry. My cp experience was that I usually wouldn't bleed until I was close to 0 (obviously some do). I only knew what was happening because of betas and test lines. I also had my hcg just kind of sit there for a while (like two betas the exact same # 4 days apart) and then fell off quickly at some point. So even if it doesn't fall it may still be normal. But the waiting and wondering is awful. Hoping it doesn't take long