Hellobee Boards

@periwinklebee: I'm so sorry for all the stress. I think there is a good chance your hcg will drop this week on its own and start AF, and have you back to zero before you ovulate so you won't miss ttc. I know that wait feels endless.

if it doesn't drop yet, I would not be afraid to advocate for yourself and ask to wait a week if that feels right. it's not always easy but you know yourself better than they do.

Ugh to this whole thing. I was feeling more hopeful today as I think my levels are going way down - I even had normal cm for this time in the cycle (with a little spotting still). DH wanted to talk about how I was doing which I appreciate but I am struggling to connect with him because he had no skin in the game emotionally. I get it especially for a 3rd baby, it was very abstract for him, but it kind of gets to me. He asked me what he could do to help and I said be emotionally invested in wanting this baby and trying again so I can look forward. But I know he's not there at all right now. It's not so much that I blame him as it just makes me sad. My cycles can go back to normal but it doesn't matter if we're not on the same page. Just a rant I guess, time for some Netflix to think about something else!

@periwinklebee: so sorry and to have the added worry and stress about retained tissue on top of the bad news is sucky. Sending hugs

@theotherstark: thank you mostly this experience, while not that bad compared to last time, makes me worried about next time. I feel like the time it took us to conceive and multiple losses point towards bad egg quality and I wonder how many losses, some potentially not this early. we'll have to go through before we catch a good one. Really no alternative though to trying again once this one is dealt with and dealing with the future when it happens.

@bhbee: I'm sorry, I understand this. There has definitely been points when this whole process has been tough on my relationship with my husband. I just try to keep communicating so he knows my perspective, even if he doesn't share it. I can also see some upsides to one of us being much less upset by the whole process. thinking of you and I'm here to vent to anytime

@periwinklebee: You just described me for the past 7 months. I have not been all there mentally and it's really starting to take its toll. I think my mental state hit an all time low last week and now things are starting to get better, but I still have my moments.
No advice, just hugs This sucks.

@periwinklebee: Yes I think I feel the best after my period ends and while I'm waiting for ovulation (which is maybe why I feel ok now...).
I don't think there is anything to make this easier. We can do things that lift our spirits for a while, but at the end of the day, it's still really tough.

I hope your period shows up soon and you start feeling better. While I was waiting for my period last week I felt pretty miserable and depressed, honestly. Then over the weekend the fog finally lifted and I felt a little more optimistic.

I also love the first half of the cycle! I can't wait for the next one so things can feel back on track.

@mrskansas: Thanks. AF is now approaching a week late, and I think my body just doesn't like to let go (last pregnancy I bled for 5 weeks and still needed a D&E). I cleaned my menstrual cup really well and put it in so I don't have to think about inspecting the tp every time i pee. Hopefully hcg falls enough by tomorrow to not need an ultrasound... I'm sorry your husband doesn't want to talk about it, but hopefully instead he will provide lots of TTC distractions.

@bhbee: It makes such a huge difference to have people to talk to who understand The cycle after my D&E was rough, the next one was so much better until the end - now it just needs to hurry up and be over! I can't wait for CD 5-13 to come again, and think my expectations during the TWW will be lower than ever, so hopefully that helps too...

@knittylady: thinking of you...

Survived a very long day of meetings having to smile and pretend to be happy. Hopefully my pretending was not completely shoddy. Finally on the (long) train back home. Part of me feels completely crushed. The other part of me feels like f it, this whole having kids thing obviously isn't working for us, but there's a giant world out there, surely if I don't have such a single track mind I can find something super-fulfilling to take the place of just wanting to be a mom.

After my last loss I had to see the genetic counselor. Apparently our pre-conception testing from a little over a year ago was already completely out of date, and they can now test for >200 conditions instead of 60, so I had it redone. I got a voicemail that I tested negative for all the conditions and that I should rest assured that this reduces my risk of future losses. oh well... I assume a very small portion of them are things that we can test for instead of random bad luck. At the same time, it's hard to believe that it's just random bad luck and not some underlying problem...

I just want to be pregnant. My first due date is around 6 weeks away and I really hope I am pregnant before then.
I've been having a bunch of crazy dreams about taking tests and they are super dark, so it's either the Femara or my body telling me I'm going to get pregnant

@bhbee: It does feel unfair. I've been trying to really focus on all the great things I have been blessed with and just looking at the losses as an unfortunate but necessary step to getting a healthy baby.

@bhbee: Oh yeah my heart usually is on a different page than my mind, haha.

I've been feeling pretty calm this cycle but today is CD 8 and I can feel the crazy starting to set in. I desperately want to be pregnant so it's hard to stay zen about all this.

@mrskansas: I have no zen We will be happy to listen to the crazy!

@periwinklebee: I agree it can't hurt to find other things to focus on!

@periwinklebee: girl, I feel you. I've had my blood drawn over 20 times in the past 6 months, all for failed pregnancies.
Current bruise making me look like a druggie:

@mrskansas: I was hot at work and wanted to roll up my sleeves yesterday but then was like, no, I look like a druggie. Ugh... So sorry...

@bhbee: Thank you - I hope it falls more quickly this time! How are you doing?

@knittylady: thinking of you... I'm really sorry you have to go through all of this. I'm glad there are no blood clotting problems (even if shitty luck stinks in and of itself). Will be thinking of you and hope you get the green light to TTC again next month if you're ready then.

@periwinklebee: I'm doing ok. It's on and off. DH had asked a couple times what he can do for me and my real answer is agree to try again asap, but given he doesn't want to hear that, I think my answer today should be to listen to me talk about why and how I want to try again, without getting into a back and forth. Just hear where my head is at and then think about it himself. I'm hoping it helps me to get it out on the table and maybe it will help him frame his own thinking. It's just taking up too much mental space for me.

I thought my spotting was about done but nope, it's back. Ugh. It's not awful or heavy I'm just over it. Now I'm going to go poas because I can't help myself

@bhbee: I hope he listens and you are able to be on the same page. It is so hard...

I think almost by definition ttc and loss can complicate communication because we experience a loss so differently from men. I got upset last weekend, when in response to my tests not getting darker my husband once again brought up his co-worker who is convinced she had a miscarriage because she was too stressed at work and that when she switched jobs, she could sustain a pregnancy no problem. And he said maybe I just need to relax... he now knows that I am not a fan of that piece of advice in the context of preventing miscarriage...

@mrskansas: I kind of think the idea that being stressed causes infertility or loss comes from a deeply held cultural belief that a woman's place is in the home, and not in the stressful workplace or outside world. And even very forward-thinking men may be influenced by these stereotypes. It really stings when he even suggests that the problem why we've had difficulties may have been because work and everything else makes me too stressed. I am sure I should relax more, but I honestly don't feel that stressed - I've never had ovulation delayed by stress, for example - and even if he's just trying to problem solve, it makes me feel more insecure about whether I did do something to cause this.

@mrskansas: no, despite being so, sooo important to us, the viability of a pregnancy is just completely out of our control... I think people always want there to be a reason for something to have happened, something that could be fixed, but life oftentimes doesn't work like that....