we've been married for almost three months and desperately want a baby. problem is, all of our friends seem to think that we should be married longer. every couple is different, right?
-
Every couple IS different. However, as someone who got pregnant 8 months after we got married, I wish we had had more time just to enjoy being married.
Do what you feel is right for you though.
-
Yup! We pulled the goalie 2 months after we got married. Our friends (and parents!) suggested we wait longer.
-
You only know what is right for you. Your friends shouldn't be telling you when it is right for YOU to have a baby!! If you and your DH feel that now is the time, then go for it!! Don't plan your life based on other peoples timelines
DH and I were married less than a year when we conceived and I know there are some bees here that have honeymoon babies. Everyone is different.Hugs....I hope your friends are supportive when you become pregnant!
-
it's totally up to you. I say when you're ready, then you're ready!
We were married 9 months when we got pregnant.
-
It's up to you and your husband!
-
@petunia354: thanks! i've been using this blog as a resource to learning all about pregnancy-the fun stuff and the scary stuff- want to make sure i am as prepared as i can get!
-
I agree that it's totally up to you. We waited two years after we got married to start trying. During the second year, my baby fever struck hard, but we still had lots of fun being a couple before pregnancy, etc.
Pregnancy added a different dimension to our relationship that wasn't there before. Despite it being a bit tough, I couldn't imagine being married, then pregnant right away after having a great two years by ourselves. We saw some friends of ours struggle with a new marriage and parenthood who got pregnant right before they married.
I'm just offering it as something to keep in mind. We had a lot of fun pre-pregnancy, pre-baby. Our life is completely different now from two years (ttc, pregnancy, baby).
-
@highwire: wow! if it were up to me, i'd already be pregnant.
did you ever wish you would have waited longer? & did your friends/family become more supportive? -
Every couple is different! If YOU and your DH feel ready, then go for it! As someone who conceived on my honeymoon, I think it was lots of fun to be newlyweds with a baby on the way. Regardless of when you start TTC, I've found that someone will always have something to say about it.
-
@tarariggins: took a few months, but I was KU 5 months after we got married. I have never wished that we waited longer (except for, you know, the early, early, newborn days when no one was sleeping!)
Friends and family never brought it up again once I was pregnant. Because, you know, obviously it was too late
-
@cascademom: thank you! my baby fever is so bad that i don't know if i can wait two years. i get that it's good to have that special time with your spouse before ttc. we met at church and are both sunday school teachers so we didn't even live together before we got married- so it's been fun adjusting to a life together and learning new things about each other. frustrating sometimes too! before we got married, i always said that i wanted to wait at least a year before ttc. but now i just want a baby. he's pretty excited about a possible baby in the near future too!
-
Haha, we are the opposite. We haven't even been married a year yet and lots of people (his side of the family) are hinting that I should be announcing something soon. Yeah, they are going to be waiting a while.
-
We didn't even wait once we were married!
-
@TemperanceBrennan: lol! knock on wood! baby fever can come unexpectedly!
-
I think it's a personal thing and what's "right" for one couple might not be "right" for another. That being said, I think there is a huge plus to enjoying married life first, especially if you are just living together. DH and I lived together for 3 years before we got married. I had a friend get married a month before us who had not lived with her husband before and was constantly asking me if certain things were to be expected living together. I would definitely recommend waiting all of that out - adjusting to living together first, once you're out of the initial honeymoon phase. And, for us, it wasn't just having baby fever to determine we were ready - we wanted to be secure financially, in our careers, home, etc.
-
you said it exactly--every couple is different!
-
We started trying 3 months after we got married and I got pregnant on the second try. We lived together for 2 years prior to getting married so we didn't feel any need to wait. I don't regret it one bit.
-
We got pregnant on our first try, after we'd been married for 2 years. I moved internationally and began a new job in the first year we were married, so while a pregnancy would have been welcomed, it would have been very stressful.
I would look at the whole picture, what's changing and do you feel you have enough resources (emotional, time, money, etc) to support expanding your family. There is no right answer.
-
@tarariggins: We had lived together for about 2.5 years before we married, so we knew that territory well. We've been together 9 years this year (married 4 years in October) and there's still things to be learned.
For us, it made sense to wait on a baby despite being financially ready and settled. I've got baby fever for #2 right now. I want another sooner versus later, but there's still stuff to work out to get to it. I wish that there wasn't, but I'd love to be pregnant sooner than later. This is after having a pregnancy and baby and all that comes with it, good and bad.
-
I think more important than the length of time is if you are financially ready to have a baby. Babies are very expensive. DH and I were married for 3 months before we unexpectedly got pregnant. We had been dating for 5 years and living together for 3 of the 5 years.
-
@tarariggins: Oh, baby fever has hit, but I need to take my professional exam, and we have a few goals we want to reach before we start trying. It's just funny how his side expects it. They even made it a point to ask us not to announce it on Facebook before telling them. We don't even have Facebook!
-
I think there are pros and cons to both sides of the coin! We waited a while because he needed to complete a degree but in that time we traveled a lot, amassed lots of couple friends, bought a family car, and saved up money for a down payment. It was a great time and I often miss it! But I think natural human tendency is to miss the past. I was feverish for a baby and I don't know how much longer I could have waited. Is there anything you want to do that is made harder by having a baby? I am of the camp that you can do anything with a baby that you can do without one, but admittedly it is different and takes more planning. Also money gets tight post-baby, or at least it has for us. So if there are any personal or financial goals you want to accomplish first, just think of those as part of your overall family plan and work on those as prep for TTC.
-
@looch: You're a font of awesome wisdom! As LO nears a year old, I really realize how much has changed from pregnancy to baby. My support system and social outlets are different from before. I'm still dealing with it, but even realizing it shows how much has changed. I basically lost a group of friends/a place of support near the end of my pregnancy. I didn't expect that, but it forced me to reevaluate them and myself.
-
I've always been a firm believer that you've got to grow your roots before you start growing your family tree. You need solid foundation before you start growing new branches.
How's that for a cheesy analogy?
-
@Mrs. Sketchbook: we don't really have anything holding us back. we both work full time and i would eventually like to become a stay at home mom. he wants to be involved in ministry- has had a few pastoring job offers but we just aren't ready to leave our church yet. at first, he wasn't so sure about having a baby so soon. but we spent some time in prayer about this decision and things just started falling into place. he's even been having dreams about being a daddy. plus, all of our friends are about to have babies!
-
@walnutems: Absolutely perfect advice!!
@tarariggins: "all of our friends are about to have babies!" = worst reason to have a baby...
-
@LindsayInNY: lol, it's not our only reason.
-
@LindsayInNY: You and I should really be best friends one day.
@tarariggins: Only you will know you are ready. I don't know how long you have been with your DH. Just make sure you two are settled into each other, if that makes sense at all. Having a baby makes everything harder.... I think having a baby is THE BIGGEST DECISION OF ANYONES LIFE EVER!!!! I would rather marry and divorce a hundred times before I commenced TTC prior to a time I was sure I was ready.... (Says the girl who dated her boyfriend for 10 years before marrying him.) Oh my gosh.. sorry if that makes me sound crazy!
-
@MrsMcD: Did you change your user name?! You're throwing me off
-
@LindsayInNY: Yes, I changed it! So sorry! I didn't a "hi, I changed my name" thread over the weekend. You know who I am, right?
-
@MrsMcD: Yep - your "interests" (aka champagne!) gave it away, LOL!
-
@MrsMcD: i don't think that makes you sound crazy! everyone is different! thank you for your advice.
-
@tarariggins: Best of luck to you!! Its always exciting when two people decide to start TTC.
-
@tarariggins: @LindsayInNY: it can be both a good and bad reason. Well, I would never make it a "reason" to have a kid, but it has been immensely beneficial that our best friends happen to have had kids the same year we did. Our relationships have deepened a ton and I don't feel like I have to prove anything to them. On the other hand, I always feel like I have to explain myself to my childfree friends, and I have lost touch with a lot of them...! So it isn't a reason, but it can be a benefit.
I will say two things: one, when we got married I definitely knew I wanted a child and we did specific things to make that happen (ie, hubby went back to school). That created a comfortable buffer for me so that I didn't have to start trying but could feel we were making progress.
HOWEVER, it is impossible to be ready for a baby, ever. It just completely changes your life. So it is somewhat misleading when people (like myself!) tell you to get prepared. It isn't completely possible! I actually think a willing heart and having flexible standard of living/material wants and needs are the most important elements of preparing for baby. Any longer without a child and I may have become so comfortable in my living environment that having a kid would have been more difficult for me.
Our goal has always been three kids, and now I do feel pressure to get that done quickly because I put off the first until I was 28. That said, I wouldn't trade that pressure for that time as a young couple.
I think whichever you choose, you'll learn and grow!
-
@Mrs. Sketchbook: i agree completely! perfect advice!
DH and I were married less than a year when we conceived and I know there are some bees here that have honeymoon babies. Everyone is different.
Reply
Subscribe to our newsletter
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
35 comments