My 3 year old is super social and is amazing at engaging other kids in classes or at the playground. We make play dates, but although I consider myself social, I find myself disliking them or scheduling them and not following up. I just kind of feel like its work and think that I could never see myself being friends with them. I am not sure if it's on account of the fact that I also have a young toddler who needs constant supervision so I am distracted or if I am just being shallow. I have a lot of friends in my area, but none in my suburb so it surprises me that I am like this. My husband thinks it's fine and that I will eventually find people I click with, so I shouldn't feel bad that I don't force it. Does anyone have this issue?
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@Sparkler: We've moved a lot over the past few years, and honestly I think it's really, really rare to find someone you click with off the bat. I personally make the extra effort to go to playdates and just keep trying -- but part of that is for my son's sake, too.
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I'm putting my daughter in a class because I haven't found people I click with. Most of the moms in my area are significantly older than me, so it can be a little off. So she can get the socialization but I don't have to worry about the play dates unless I want to. If it goes well we'll do a second class that I've been contemplating. We've traveled so much since lo was born that we have not been home steady enough to really get into mom/baby "groups", and she's getting close to two.
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Now that DD is 4, I vastly prefer play dates with no adults and the sometimes forced small talk that goes along with it. DD has so many friends now and it is not realistic that I will click with all the moms. I just pick her friends up or she goes over to their houses without me. I also have a 17 month old so wrangling her during these play dates with older kids isn't always fun. We started doing this when the kids were 3.5 so maybe you could try that?
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I am kind of similar, I am all about planning stuff, but when the time actually comes to execute, I get so anxious and I don't want to go!
I know I need to get over it, but i'll be honest, I have a hard time doing play dates on the weekends. My son goes to a camp during the week now, so he's around other kids and I am trying to keep our weekends as unscheduled as possible. I would love to do a drop off play date, hmmmmm......
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It is challenging. I have been lucky and found some other moms that I do really like, but it was only recently that we all started hanging out frequently (we've been going to the same parent/child class and story time for...8 months now). And generally the conversation remains pretty superficial and focused on our kids. I was always pretty uncomfortable with this kind of situation (small talk, groups of people I don't know well, making friends, etc.) but after over a year as a SAHM I'm so glad to have people to talk to, even if its not as awesome as talking to my best friend, and we generally all help each other out with the kids so it can feel like a break, too.
plus, my kid loves it! -
@Andrea: @looch: Happy to know I'm not the only one! I have friends who live 45 mins away with similarly aged kids and I always would rather hang out with them than people who I see nearby...but the length of time in the car always interferes with naps. My son's new preschool handbook talks about procedures for after school play dates and sort of assumes that only 1 parent is around, so maybe I will prefer that! I also work 3 days a week and my husband and I are super close and commute together and we typically go out or go out with friends on Saturdays, so I am not starved for adult interaction. I think I may also be a younger parent in my area ( though by no means young as I am almost 35!) but most moms seem older. I also hope as my kids are involved in more things and I meet more parents, I will be bound to feel like I want to be friends with some of them! For now, I think my kids are going to have to have the lame mom who avoids play dates:)
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