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I don’t understand how people end up with mountains of unwashed or unfolded laundry all over their house. Can people seriously not find ten minutes in the day to fold the laundry? I have three children (how does one extra child create so much extra washing??) and still get the clothes washed, folded and put away in the space of 24 hours.
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@SweetiePie: I agree with you on so many levels. "I can't imagine my life without them". ... yes I can. I imagine it all the time! Not to say I want it back but sometimes, ya know what? I miss my former life.
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@Kemma: I wish I could do this but I loathe laundry. I have so many other things to do that it’s on the bottom of my priority list (so way below cooking, cleaning, and exercise especially after a full work week) and I’m totally cool with that. Plus I can hide it in my basement laundry room.
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@SweetiePie: Yes! I identify so much with what you wrote about your self-worth and people tying that to motherhood. It's one of the ways pregnancy has been hard on me, because certain people in my life suddenly started treating me totally different just because I'd become pregnant, implying that I had more value now than before, and it really hit me hard. We, too, processed what our lives would be like childless before IVF worked for us. Thank you for sharing this.
Ahhh @snarkybiochemist @Caly you've made my day with your solidarity! I'm really happy that there are women who love/d pregnancy, but I've been blatantly shamed numerous times for not, so the solidarity means the world to me.
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@Kemma: I get that! I don't understand how people can just take it out of the laundry and throw it somewhere for later... it gets all wrinkly! I may not put mine away every time but I do empty the dryer and lay it all out flat. If I don't, than I end up running the dryer again to de-wrinkle them.
So my kids have a pretty lenient bedtime... we shoot for 8:30 but it's often later and since they nap at daycare they are often still awake at 10/10:30. I don't enjoy it and can't wait till naps are over with. They also end up in our bed every night before midnight and it's easier just to let that happen vs. repeatedly taking them back to their bed. They'll grow out of it eventually right?
I'm also that mom that hasn't left my kids overnight yet... DS is 4-1/2 and the only time I did was when I gave birth to DD - and DH still went home to put him to bed. I'm okay with it.
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1) I’m gonna judge you put your under two year old forward facing. I know some people it’s an education thing but still I don’t care. Educate yourself. And yes, I feel smug and self-congratulatory that we rear faced our LO1 until she was four.
2) I’m going to judge you if you let your under two year old regularly watch tv, movies, iPad.I would never say anything to a parent about making either of these choices but I don’t think they are ok.
3) Babies sleeping through the night at an early age is an ideal imposed bc so many moms have to return to work. Babies that are formula fed might sleep through the night earlier bc it takes longer to digest. That is awesome and a huge perk but it doesn’t mean that it’s not totally normal for a breastfed (or a different FF) baby to wake up a few times a night.
4) It’s ok for me to be on my phone and not stare at my kid while they’re playing. It’s also not my job to play with my child. -
@Kemma: I totally agree with the laundry! I actually don't understand how people can go without certain items of clothing for so long. I immediately want it washed and put away so I can wear it again!
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@foodiebee: I was that way about motherhood. .. . It took so long and I thought I'd be so good at it and I'd love it, but turns out I'm really not the mother I thought I'd be
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@foodiebee: I too felt really alone in hating pregnancy and really guilty for it as well for a lot of pregnancy (which made it worse).
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@Kemma: damn your laundry comment hurt
fold & putaway is the chore and when I do it takes at least a hour per load. @SteelerGirl: @josina:
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I'm also terrible at it. For me, once the clothes are clean and dry - that's the bulk of the chore done. I mean, I *have* to take clean dishes out of the dishwasher or else I can't do the next load. But clean clothes sitting in a basket doesn't inhibit doing the next load, or getting dressed in the morning. For the most part laundry done during the week doesn't get folded till the weekend.
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This is a beautiful thread! It's so funny because I do not judge parents for doing the below things differently than us...this is just how we do us, which is different!
-We severely limit DD's screen time. Some mornings she gets to watch Thomas in the car. Some nights she gets to watch a few minutes of Daniel Tiger before bed with popcorn. As an occasional treat, she can look at pictures on our phones. A couple times a month she can play an educational game on my phone for 5-10 minutes. We might watch a movie together on a bad weather day, but that is it. I am open to more screen time when #2 comes along!
- I take PTO days, drop DD off at daycare, sit at the coffeeshop and work on Shutterfly Albums, then get a massage or a mani/pedicure before picking her up after nap. Mama is a person too and these albums ain't gonna make themselves. I need breaks to be a good mama.
-DH and I prioritize date nights extremely high. We spend a lot on babysitters and dinner out a minimum of 2x month (we shoot for 4 to end up with 2-3). We also have 2 overnight trips per year, 2 nights away per trip. This is an investment in our marriage for us and for our kids.
-I loathe giant plastic toys with one purpose, especially if they are character branded like Paw Patrol or Mickey. I won't say never, but I will not willingly bring that crap in my house.
-I don't understand when people say their kid's toys never get put away/are all over the place. My friend won't let her cleaning lady clean the basement because there are too many toys. No way, I'd donate/toss that crap. (I know, I'm awful...)
-We do not do any activities outside our nuclear family on weeknights, which totally irritates some of our family. We both WOH FT and DD has to get up at 6am to get to daycare. Don't mess with it. We can celebrate your 41st birthday on the weekend FFS.
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I generally try to keep my unpopular opinions to myself but here goes...
1. Being a mother does not automatically make a woman a child rearing expert. Maybe you know what worked for your kid but you are not an expert on all kids.
2. I think people are too obsessed with sleep training and I think CIO (not just allowing a baby to fuss a bit but real CIO for a long time) is really cruel and unfortunate. I love having a baby to snuggle with in the middle of the night and would never choose to allow one to scream until passing out instead.
3. The only rule that I am super strict about is no violence or gun play. I will not allow any weapon or nerf gun type toys in our house, ever. -
@Kemma: I have no problem doing laundry but I hate the fact that I live with complete slobs that will not put clothes in a laundry basket that is 2 inches from where they undress. So I am currently making a stand that I will wash, dry, fold, and put away clothes but only if they are in the dirty laundry basket. So our house is currently littered with dirty clothes. My DH finally put his work clothes in the laundry basket this week after running out. 🤷
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@Kemma: I can get the laundry folded and put away but don't look at the piles of other stuff all over the house that I just can't seem to get cleaned up/put away.
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@IRunForFun: my toddler also repeats our horrible language habits - but not wholly in the right context - which is hilarious. The other day he picked up a crumb of something from the floor and innocently asked: mom, what the f**k is this?
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I am firmly against CIO.
I am against almost nothing else.
These are forms of the same thing - extreme leniency with my son unless it’s truly dangerous - which is not a very popular parenting style amongst my friends. -
We kick our kids downstairs quite often to watch tv, play video games, play with toys.
They have a laptop in their room where they can watch movies for movie night.
We are so free range parents. It drives my helicopter SIL insane!
My kids sometimes sleep in their school clothes so we don’t have to fight in the morning. -
@Rocker2014: My son regulates himself with sweets too! He'll have a KitKat or something and only eat part of it. (Me on the other hand would devour it all)
@josina: I haven't left M overnight either. Longest I've been away from him is like 8 hrs. He also hasn't had a babysitter in like 3 yrs since my neighbor moved away
. We kinda limit DS's screentime timewise, but he gets it everyday. I think it's helped him with talking so I'm ok with that.
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Alrighty, here goes it:
I find CIO cruel and have no idea why people wear sleep training as a badge of honor. I get some people stress cry and are okay crying themselves to sleep, but I honestly don't get why people don't want to comfort their kids and teach them to fall asleep while being there for them.
And while we are at it, I don't get why people are against having kids in their bed. My kids regularly visit because they miss me (my 3 yo gets up, walks into my room, climbs into my bed and doesn't wake me or the baby yp in the process). He will outgrow it, but some people are social sleepers.
Lastly, I don't get the feeding obsession. Formula literally saved my life. Both my kids will never have a drop of formula. Ironically for the same reason (severe MSPI). I don't get why people feel the need to criticize me for nursing in public or my husband for bottle feeding. Fed is best. And anyone who envisions nursing as a sweet, special bonding experience hasn't nursed a teething 10 month old who has alligator jaws. There's no shame in giving yourself a break
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I loved sleep training. I did it with DS at 4 weeks, no regressions ever. I tried with DD at the same age, didn't completely take until the third try at 11 weeks, no regressions ever. I don't sleep well with someone right next to me and both kids slept on my arm. I couldn't roll over. I also want all the blankets. I would get up and feed them and put them back in the crib. I never CIO for MOTN, but they STTN early on their own.
I don't play with my kids much, and usually read on my phone.
I put my kids to bed early. If they want to be awake, that's fine, they are in their bedroom. I don't play bedtime games either. You don't want a hug, I'll leave and say goodnight and I'm not coming back. DD learned quickly. The lights go off and we start counting down.
I give DS his tablet to watch Daniel Tiger or play games for 2-3 hours during DDs nap time. It gives me a break or my own nap.
I let DS go to the restroom by himself unless at very large bathrooms. He doesn't need my help at a restaurant or store. I will keep him with me at the airport or an amusement park. I just wait outside or tell him where I will be. I hate seeing older boys in the women's restroom.
I don't love pregnancy. I hate the first trimester and put up with the second and third. I've had easy pregnancies and still don't love it.
I love the newborn/infant phase and dislike early toddler/preschool. DD is a challenge at 2.
I rarely intervene in the sibling squabbles. They have to figure it out themselves.
I still take a shower with both kids and don't plan to stop anytime soon. They still see both of us naked occasionally.
I don't make them pick up their toys unless I'm getting annoyed by the mess. I only let them have some of their toys available as we have a small living room and no playroom.
I don't worry about what they eat. Overall, they are good eaters, so as long as they try the food, I don't care.
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Ohh here's one. I refuse to let my son wear characters, like Paw Patrol or Mickey. Or by any mass-marketed stuff like that. HIs preschool doesn't allow it anyway.
We also never did pacifiers, sippy cups or plastic utensils. My friend was dying when she came over and he drink out of a pint glass at age 2 🤣 -
Um, I feel like a lot of these aren't actually unpopular.
Agreed on the laundry point though! Even when I get behind it's not just all over the house!
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Oh I thought of one more to add for myself, although I am not necessarily sure if this is unpopular. I don't like breastfeeding. I've had a relatively positive breastfeeding experience with each of my sons (my milk came in well, no latch issues, only a minor clogged duct, etc) but I still don't like it. I don't like using the cover but I also don't like people seeing my breasts or nipples (including family) so I usually go somewhere by myself. I always feel awkward no matter how I hold the baby, I can't just pop out a boob in public (but I am envious of those who do and don't judge them at all!). BUT it definitely helps me lose weight so that's really the primary reason for sticking to it for 6+ months.
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This is such a dangerous but fun topic
lots of them are not even unpopular For me, I really could care less about birthday parties when DS was under 5... I felt pressured by everyone around me and I felt bad for not hosting one for the years when DS was younger. I don’t see the point when the kid himself didn’t even know what’s going on. I am all for cake and a little celebration, but I didn’t care for inviting a ton of toddlers. One year I was pressured to cohost a party with a friend at a children’s museum, both our DS were turning 3. I had to drag toddlers back into the party room while they cry and scream (including mine) and kept leaving the room once they got in 🤦♀️
I also didn’t care about family portraits, and I am a happy one and doner. CIO saved my life back then. But CIO you are wrong on either side
ETA: and- the most unpopular of all : I did use an enuresis alarm for night time training when DS was still consistently bedwetting at 6+ yo. I got a lot of heat on here before.
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1. love my babies but hands down my favorite time of day is immediately after they go to bed.
2. this one really sounds awful, but I'm with @Macintosh: , my son is the smartest cutest funniest coolest special little snowflake and he has the best personality of any little kid we know. he has that magnetic quality where everyone just adores him and my husband and I think he's amazing. we're insufferable, so kill us. we are usually pretty quiet about our opinion though.
3. I don't care about BPA's.
4. I love CIO. the reason why I have the smug badge of honor thing is that I'm proud of myself for taking control of an untenable and out-of-control situation--sleep training my son was really the first time I took the reigns as a parent and said, "I'm in charge, and we're going to get solid sleep that we ALL need"--and it's undeniably better for my kid's health to be sleeping 11 solid hours straight every night vs waking up every 3 hours. I don't disagree that it's cruel to sit and listen to your infant wail, but I think it's much worse to let them drive the entire family to the brink of sanity indefinitely when there's an almost fail-proof solution, all to avoid 4 shitty nights.
@SteelerGirl: we are on the same psychic wavelength on everything, and I'm also getting my ass handed to me on the potty training issue when I swore I wouldn't
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@LCTBQE: yesssss. Especially the sleep training one. We should have done it sooner with F. It was literally three tough nights and then smooth sailing. Life. Changing. Not to mention, sleep is essential to brain development...so I agree that while crying isn’t fun for anyone, on balance it seems more detrimental to let lack of proper sleep go on for years 🤷♀️
PS: potty training is basically a nonstarter at this point. Not even candy bribes work. “Want to sit on the potty?” “Not right now.” “What about for some M&Ms?” “Nope!” *sigh*
Also, cannot share my bed. Nope. When they’re small, I’m far too anxious about safety. When they’re older, I just can’t sleep. I already have insomnia, adding a tiny person to my bed means no sleep at all. I don’t care if other people cosleep, though, it just flat out doesn’t work for me as an extremely light sleeper.
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@LCTBQE: I love my kids and my husband but all I really want is to be aloooooooone so post bedtime is great as long as dh doesn’t want to talk to me ... the worst is if he gets home right after I did all the bedtimes!
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I finally read most of the comments and love them so much!! You guys are sassy
Another one that I suspect is unpopular because no one has mentioned is: while I don’t like traveling away from DS, but when I do, I truly enjoy my independence. I enjoy it so much I actually do not want to call home my entire trip
I love to have a true break and remember the brief glimpse of me as a single girl
I am about to travel away from DH and DS for a week. DH said I better work in my schedule that I will call DS every day. I was like, ok but inside I really really dread it DH, on the other hand, is very good at calling us (me and DS separately) every day when he travels, and he travels a lot. I do appreciate that, which makes me an even more terrible person with the comparison
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@bhbee: hahaha I can only imagine. also seriously hats off to you for consistently doing THREE bedtimes solo !
@MrsSCB: yes, it is life changing. I was literally hallucinating before we sleep trained the boy, I couldn't function at work, was in chronic pain, my husband and I were bickering all the time, and the baby was exhausted from being up half the night. All of THAT is cruel, too, and for me it was borderline dangerous. sleep training has been a miracle cure for us.
And I'm not in any position to dispense potty training advice, but one thing that has worked for me is to just casually pick him up and put him on the potty without any prior discussion (no "we're going to go potty now" directive) and sometimes quietly musing about what color M&M will come out of the box if he goes pee. asking/negotiating about whether or not we're going to go potty beforehand=certain failure over here.
And yes the two times we tried to co-sleep the kid turned 90 degrees and I just got (not on purpose) kicked all night.
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@SweetiePie: just want to say — this is awesome. I love your perspective on getting away. Made me look at it differently. I have a couple work trips coming up that I’ve been dreading, but now maybe I’ll shift that thinking and start to look forward to them!
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@Kemma: ummmm.. there all multiple mountains of both in our house right now
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I used to think co-sleeping was something only hippies did and that it was weird. Now, i absolutely love it. I’ve co-slept with both girls and don’t regret it for a minute. Although, the cribs have gone to waste. I tired to let DD1 CIO once for about 10 minutes. It nearly killed me. Never again.
Screen time is ok with me. How else would I watch the Today show every morning and enjoy my coffee? Thank you, PBS kids!!
Can’t think of anything else right now. Reading through these has been so much fun!
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@bhbee: agreed, don't talk to me during those 30 minutes of peace after the kids are in bed.
@irene: I also am pretty anti bday party. He didn't care at his 3rd bday so 🤷. I also say no to parties unless I really really want to go (and feel like buying a stupid present). -
Unpopular opinion but I don’t get on the floor to play with my kids. I want them to learn how to independent play or play with each other. I have 3 kids and solo parent most of the time with a part time job. I can’t get on the floor and play dolls or dinosaurs or whatever.
My kids are used to it and can play well independently most of the time
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@misolee: I'm very conflicted about playing with my kids. I honestly don't want to
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@bhbee: @LCTBQE: My husband traveled for a week last month, and I have to say that the pure me alone time after LO went to bed was *glorious*, even though I had to use most of it to catch up on work
I do love my husband and love reconnecting with him in the evening, but me time has been in very short supply. I've been wanting forever to drop DS at daycare and take the day off for me, but I've used too much leave for the zillion and one sick days this winter. Honestly I'm not sure which of my parenting decisions are popular v unpopular. And I don't really care
A lot of this stuff I feel like is fairly contingent on kid and parent personalities.... I love learning from more experienced parents, but if there's one thing I work to avoid like the plague, it's unsolicited/judgmental parenting opinions.
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@SweetiePie: Your post with self worth is so imperative! @LCTBQE: Your Point 4 is exactly how me and DH feel. I thank everyone on hB who helped give pointers! LO sleeps through the night (unless a milestone or sick) and we are all happy and healthy.
- I enjoy time with LO but also enjoy my breaks!
- I look forward to bedtime routine
- I use to stress about the sitting on the coffee table or throwing certain things now I just pick my battles.
- I enjoy being a mother who works outside of the home! I am very blessed to have long weekends off and short days but getting dressed up and heading to work and making a difference are all rewarding to me.
- I actually enjoy not co sleeping anymore. Before I sleep trained, LO was in the bed with us. Now I love the fact that me and DH have the bed to ourselves and can do whatever we want without worrying about a baby in the room/bed
- Expecting baby #2 i’m already planning how I can keep our lives simple with sleep, etc. I know it will take time but I just don’t want to go through all the headaches I did with lO1. -
@irene: why did you get such heat on that? Doesn’t seem like a big deal to me!
I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t love playing my kid!
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Its interesting because things that are unpopular/popular on here are very different than what is popular/unpopular where I live. Instead there are things that I concern myself with and things I don't.
Dont sweat--
-working outside the home. its good for everyone in my family. I do have the luxury of picking the kids up at 3 and have all breaks off (teacher here.)
-screen time. some days, DS will be on his tablet for 3 hours straight and then he will go 3 days without using it. I just want him to have a balance.
-diet. I worry very little about this. DS eats nuggets all the time, but he also likes cucumbers and smoked salmon. 🤷♀️ he can eat a whole bag of sugar snap peas in a couple days. I try to buy the healthiest variety of stuff, but dont eliminate.
-potty training. I didn't potty train ds until 3.5 and it was pretty ridiculously easy. he has accidents here and there but it wasnt like a several month process.
-drinking coffee while pregnant or bf.
-baths. my kids get 2 baths a week.
fold & putaway is the chore and when I do it takes at least a hour per load. @SteelerGirl: @josina:
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lots of them are not even unpopular 
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