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I think the name thing is no big deal. DS doesn't say my name but every once in a while I'll call for DH and yell "Matt!" and DS will immediately parrot after me, "Matt!" and it cracks me up.
If he called me by name I'd laugh and say something like, "You don't call me that! You call me mommy. Can you say mommy?"
But I would be annoyed at the fact the nanny was doing something you explicitly told her not to, no matter how trivial it was.
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I'm sorry, but I think this is quite irrational. Children have to learn multiple names for all sorts of people and things, not to mention variations of things (a couch is also a sofa; mint and hunter are both green). Additionally, knowing your parents names us wise! Imagine how helpful for a lost child to know a name for their mother.
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Do I want my children to call me Mommy? Absolutely!
Do I want my children to know my name in case they are lost? Absolutely.
I understand where you are coming from, but I think it is important for kids to know your name (first and last), in case anything happens to them.
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Not a big deal to me at all. My kids picked up on my first name and babe but I told them I only want to be called Mommy, mama or mom.
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I don't think your LO calling you by your first name versus Mommy is that big of a deal...but, like others mentioned, I would be more weirded out by your nanny continuing to do something that you asked her not to. Part of her job description is putting up with your (what to her might be weird) requests - that's why you're paying her!
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No big deal, I agree its a great thing to teach them in terms of a safety perspective.
However, if the nanny went against your wishes that may be a separate issues. But it sounds like your daughter is smart, learned the "trick" and just now remembers and can better articulate what she remembered (sounds like she's smart!)
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My mum somehow taught DD1 both DH and my names and our surname when she was about 18 months. She did say our names for a few days like a little trick, but it stuck in her head and she has always remembered them. She is nearly 4 now and if you ask her what your mum/dad's names are she can clearly remember and say them. I'm grateful for that, not just incase she is ever lost, but also she knows we are more than just mum and dad.
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The issue is more that the nanny ignored your wishes.
We have purposely taught our LO our first and last names just in case. So, I wouldn't be upset if a nanny did the same. To us age didn't matter, you just never know. We've had no issues with LO not calling us mom and dad fwiw.
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Overly sensitive. Not a big deal. I want my kids to know my name because if they ever get lost and someone ask, what's your mommy's name...and they reply "mommy". I would shoot myself. Heck...my eldest even called me "aunty" for a bit since we were spending so much time with my nieces and nephews.
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@stratosphere: It's ok that you're upset, and it's great that you decided to figure all this out. But your child will ALWAYS know who you are, no matter what label she uses. And as someone on the other side of the coin who stayed at home, there's also value in you working and your LO experiencing that too. I get that it's hard to be at work and feel like you're missing her growing up. Hugs to you!
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I agree with those who said the problem is that the nanny didn't follow your request. My son is 2 and has known my name for awhile. I didn't teach him but he picked it up and thought it was funny to say. He hasn't said it lately and it didn't really bother me but I think he's a little young to use it in case he got lost.
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I don't think it's a big deal at all. I also think an 18 month old can understand that you are both "mommy" and have a name as well--lo isn't that much older and for awhile has known my name, and also calls me both mommy and mama. my niece definitely would alternate btw my brother's first name and "daddy" at that age as well
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Also, the mispronunciation thing, so that she's teach your LO wrong, would seriously annoy me
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It wouldn't bother me, but I don't think she should have continued with something you asked her not to do.
My LO (2.5) has known our first names for a while without us teaching her. When she calls us by our first names we just say, "My name is Mommy/Daddy."
Honestly, I would be thrilled to have a childcare provider who is so excited to teach my LO things and thinks that she is so bright! I would personally let it go but I understand your annoyance.
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I don't get the big deal. DD will hear plenty of other people in her life refer to me by my first name so I'm sure she will pick it up. That wouldn't phase me at all!
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My eldest daughter called me by my first name often, with a sly smile, to get my attention, as a joke, before 18 months old. No one taught her and she wasn't confused that I was "mommy" and also had a name. I wouldn't worry about this one bit.
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I don't think this is a big deal at all. My son learned his parents' and grandparents' names around that age, and he still calls us mommy/daddy/etc. Kids are pretty good a context switching, especially when they have multiple care providers.
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I think you are being completely insane.
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@Chillybear: this is so cute and funny! I love your approach with your daughter.
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Yeah, I think you're overreacting. NBD in my opinion.
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1) I don't think it's a big deal, I've actually been teaching my almost-18-month-old my name. But just because I think it's no big deal doesn't mean you have to teach your kid your name.
2) I do think you should apologize to your nanny. She clearly didn't think she was doing anything wrong and actually thought she was helping. It would be hard for her to know that it was something you didn't want or felt strongly about (especially since this survey shows most people think it's fine and even good).
3) That being said, I would also (kindly) let her know that you are aware that she continued to teach your daughter your name despite your request not to. And while she may not understand it, it's important that she follows your instructions.I totally get that little things can annoy us even if no one else thinks it should. Lots of little things my nanny does annoy me. My mom and sister think I'm a lunatic because of the things I complain about. But in the end it's my house, my kid, my rules.
Good luck! -
I don't think it's a big deal, and in fact, I think it's important for your child to know your name.
My son knows my entire name (first, middle, and last), and he also knows I'm mommy. He knows his own whole name, and knows that he has a family nickname that only we call him. They can understand people can be called more than one thing.
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You are overthinking this.it's not a big deal on my opinion. I would be thrilled if i had a nanny that wanted to teach my Child safety precautions.
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Is you nanny older? Because this is exactly why I prefer younger sitters/nannies. This name thing is just a small no-big-deal thing, but what else will she be defiant about? The older nannies usually think they know better and that your rules and instructions are just guidelines that don't need to be taken seriously and they typically make big decisions without consulting the parents first. I would have a talk with her about following your instructions even if she doesn't agree with them if I were you because I see that as the bigger issue.
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@stratosphere: I'm impressed with your ability to reflect on the situation and your openness to apologizing to your nanny. Way to go.
In my family, a child calling a grown up by the first name is seen as disrespectful, so I understand that feeling. But I also know kids find it really interesting when they realize even Mom has a first name, and they like trying it out. I never thought of teaching first names from a safety perspective, but I think it's a really good point!
I can understand her feelings being hurt by your swift, negative reaction, especially since it seems she really thought she was doing something helpful and she was probably very proud of your child and excited to show off the new skill. I hope your apology smooths things over. I've seen great things occur when people are vulnerable when apologizing and explain their feelings. She sounds like a good nanny you want to keep around, so that open communication is crucial.
Good luck!
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@stratosphere: I agree with everyone that it's not a big deal and you DD would learn your name eventually. BUT... I read your later reply and I totally get the sensitivity around being a working mom and feeling like the nanny is your child's main caregiver. It makes sense that being called your name instead of mom would be hard to hear.
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@deerylou: this made me LOL. My LO does that too, sometimes.
So when we were little, my sister went through a phase where she refused to call my dad by anything other than his real name. It irked him, so we all called him Daddy Paul for a while. I don't know how old she was, but it seemed to pacify her. Also, looking back now, it's silly and cute. At the time, I'm sure it was annoying.
My LO has picked up on our names, and sometimes she will use our first name. But then I'm right back to Mama, so it never lasts long.
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I'm sorry, but I also agree this is irrational. And think of how the nanny felt when you made this a big deal?! She thought she was helping and teaching and then she was reprimanded. As having been a nanny myself, that would really undermine my confidence and make me question how the parent really felt about my work.
I also think you don't give your daughter enough credit: she can compartmentalise that you are her mother as well as having a name that gives you an identity. My son, though much older now, knows my full name and dh's full name, but still calls me mama and DH is daddy. I feel better knowing that he knows my full name. I also don't view it as a measure of me not doing my job right if he happens to run away or get lost- all I have to do it avert my eyes for a millisecond and he can be gone. Does that mean I'm not a good parent? Not at all.
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This would not even cross my mind as being a big deal. My son knows my name, but calls me mommy. If the nanny was telling your kiddo to call you by your first name, that would not be cool, but teaching your child your name seems totally normal.
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Yeah, I think this is pretty crazy. Knowing the real names of your parents is extremely useful in case your kid gets lost. Obviously you don't want that to happen, but freaking out on your nanny because she tried to teach a very common safety tool is pretty out there.
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Extremely irrational. I would be really offended and weirded out if I was the nanny.
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Whoa, I think OP gets it. A page back she expressed appreciation for the reality check and said she planned to apologize to her nanny for her initial response.
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@deerylou: Right? Good lord!
@autumnlove: babe! Bahaha
@stratosphere: my DD is 3.5 and calls my husband a mix between Dad/Daddy and his name. Because I'm always telling Siri to text or call. It bummed him out a bit but we just say no, you call him Daddy, not Name. She gets the difference at this age. I can see being bummed but don't worry, your LO will totally get the difference!
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@deerylou: thank you. Starting to feel like a pile on, which definitely was not the intent of my response.
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@deerylou: Ditto - exactly what I was feeling when I came back today and reading these responses.
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What would bother me the most is how your nanny is blatantly lying to you - especially when you heard her coax and ask your LO about your first name. That's not right. But I can understand if she forgot.
Having said that, I don't think she means any harm by it. It could just be a cultural thing. I was raised to not call my parents by their first names ... it was considered rude. I live abroad, and they teach kids their parents first names really early. Kids don't call their parents by their first names, but they are normally asked what their parents names are. At first, I found it so odd, but I've now gotten used to it.
I think you should have a sit-down talk with your nanny and explain to her how you feel about using first names in front of LO. It may be so common in her culture, she may not be aware that its at all significant.
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I love it when my son says my name, and so does my husband when he says his! We taught him early. He's never been confused about what to call me, and even if he wanted to call my by my first name, I wouldn't have any problems. Your reaction is over the top!
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Everyone else has a first name, so LO wanted to know ours. She now occasionally calls us First Name Mommy and First Name Daddy, then herself First Name Baby. We think its cute and she is proud to know our names. Eventually she will learn our last name too, and like your nanny pointed out, helpful should she ever get lost to know her full name.
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Am I a bad mom who isn't teaching her 19 month old her name?
It never even crossed my mind to start so young! Eek. To @stratosphere when I first read this, I mostly just thought oh that would make me sad because I would feel like the nanny was replacing me and my LO wasn't calling me mommy because he is always with the nanny. That stems from what you wrote about - that I work long hours and I'm not with LO very much on the weekdays. I think your self reflection is spot on. But, as I often remind myself, you will ALWAYS be mommy. #workingmomguilt
It never even crossed my mind to start so young! Eek. 
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