Well Ladies,

It's been a week since we implanted an embryo into our surrogate. Turns out, of the 7 eggs that fertilized, only one, female, embryo was healthy enough to implant. On Monday our surrogate will take a blood test, and we'll know if our embryo becomes a fetus.

I have to say, I'm kind of a wreck. Luckily, Friday I left for a work trip to distract me until today, but now I'm sitting her obsessing. I feel like a failure for not making better eggs, and given the reaction my body had to the process, I'm not sure that we'd do this again. I'm hoping and praying that she sticks, but I'm also trying to not invest too deeply in case she does not. I really wish I didn't know the gender at this point. This is the scariest roller coaster I've ever been on and I really hope it has a happy ending.

How did you distract yourselves? And once you had a positive test, how did you balance hope with cautious optimism until the end of the first trimester?

Thanks for reading. I know a lot of you are going through similar things (maybe not surrogacy, but IVF, etc). You're all in my thoughts as well.