Hi all. I hate to post such a tacky subject but I am conflicted. Went to a wedding that was somewhat destination. It was a 4-hr drive. Unsure what an appropriate wedding amount should be. We had our wedding local and they attended the reception. Say, they gave 300. Would you also give the same? We drove 4 hours back and forth, so total of 8 hours, plus checked in a hotel that was approximately $230. Thoughts? Again such a tacky post but need some friendly advice here. TY! BTW, not close to them. We do live close to each other but don't go on couple dates, ect, however they are moving and so are we down the road. Probably will not stay in touch other than, maybe, Facebook pleasantries. Thank you!
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No, I probably wouldn't give as much, maybe 150-200? Whatever you are comfortable with, and I wouldn't feel bad about it!
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@MrsKRB: Thank you for responding. I always feel bad. And my husband is the nice one, he always wants to give more and beyond.
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I'd probably give the same amount they had given me.
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I'd give what was comfortable for my budget because I don't remember what exactly what people gave for our wedding if they gave money.
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@Alba4: Okay. Thanks. Yeah, my husband said to. I thought since we traveled a bit of a way and had to get a hotel that we could probably just give a little less (minus 50 or so). But after all it's a wedding and they're starting their lives together.
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I'd give the same since you know exactly how much they gave you. If I really couldn't swing for driving/hotel/full gift I probably might not have gone!
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I would gift the same amount.
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@DillonLion: Yeah. We just got married so it's fresh in my mind!
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@snowjewelz: True. But if we wouldn't have gone, we would have still given a gift.
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I have a set "wedding gift" amount that we pretty much give everyone, because its what we can afford. if they went above and beyond for me i would maybe add something sentimental or a keepsake
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@pineapple: Yup, but when I don't attend the gift I send is significantly less!
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If I know what the person gave me, I give the same amount,regardless of where it is.
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I would give them the same amount.
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We have a record of the gifts we were given. I try to give at least the same amount.
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To me, what I spend to attend the wedding doesn't factor in. Also i don't give differently if I don't attend the wedding. The gift is for the couple, not a payment for services. In this case, I'd just reciprocate equally with what they gave you.
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Destination wedding are more expensive for you to travel. I would not subtract the amount but I'd take it into consideration. I usually give gifts in the same price range regardless of travel/what they may have done for my wedding.
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I give the same amount they gave me, if that is applicable. Othrwise, my typical gift is a certain dollar amount per person attending.
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@youboots: I agree with not factoring in the expenses to get to the wedding. Or "covering the cost of a plate". To me, all of this tit-for-tat gifting and reconciling gifting costs for weddings have just gotten out of hand. I don't give cash; it avoids sticking a hard and fast dollar amount to the couple. I tend to pick something mid to low-priced from their registry and pair it with something personalized (stationery if they are distant friends, a monogrammed throw blanket if they are more close, a framed vintage map of their hometown or where they met if they are super close friends or family).
When I think back to my own wedding 8 years ago, while cash was nice, I can't remember who gifted me cash and how much. I do, however, remember who gave me certain items from my registry and who gave me special personalized gifts.
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I do scale back a wedding gift a little if it was a destination wedding or even if I already gave a generous shower gift or attended the Bach party. But I don't use what they gave me as my starting point, I use my own comfort zone for a wedding present and go from there.
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Wow, they gifted you $300??? That's extremely generous.
Like @Chillybear: I have a set amount we spend on wedding gifts (and it's not anywhere near $300). I don't factor in what it costs to attend the wedding - those costs are factored in when I decide WHETHER to attend the wedding.
I would gift whatever you normally would gift, regardless of the cost to attend. If the cost of your gift + the cost to attend is too expensive, don't go.
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@pineapple: I would give what you can afford. It doesn't have to be the same as what they gave you .
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@Chillybear: @Adira: @Mamaof2: ditto! my finances are separate from what someone's generosity was to me, so I would make the decision on what felt comfortable financially.
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Hmm I guess I would just give what I normally give. I don't really think about what people gave me. It doesn't have to be tit for tat.
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I would give what I felt comfortable giving. I have set amounts I like to give but there have been times when financially I couldn't give the amount I wanted to so I did what I could. I do not in any way think you need to match what they gave you.
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I think it's ok to take into consideration your extra costs especially considering you're not that close. My childhood best friend flew in from across the country for my wedding and I honestly would have been happy with just a card from her. I didn't have a wedding to make a profit and I assume most people are understanding that different people have different financial situations.
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