Hellobee Boards

I have many "buttons" but I am slow to react to many things because I realize that everyone's perspective and way of handling him/herself is different. We are individuals and that is what makes us different, exciting, and either able to co-exist or not harmoniously.

Here are a few:
• My daughter talking back or rolling her eyes (the preteen years are rough!) ... She receives warnings to tone it down or "fix her face" before negative reinforcement in established.
• My DH procrastinating on something he promises he will do but decides to do something "more amusing." ... I basically make him feel bad for reneging on a promise.
• Closed-minded people who argue Religion or Politics (and get angry because someone else may have a different view shaped by their upbringing, socioeconomic standing, or general life experiences) .... I always choose to "agree to disagree" and I steer clear of sharing my stance on anything because I am usually a "down the middle" person and loathe conflict.
• People who like to assume I am one way when they don't know me from Jack (or Jill 🤣) ... I can't fix other's perception since it becomes one's reality when they are close-minded to the idea that their perception is only theirs and is not central to true reality (especially if it is preconceived and stagnant to change even if I could prove otherwise). 🤷‍♀️
• People who refuse to try or do new things (this is central to both the courses I teach, and to those I train at the gym) ... I get really frustrated but try to refocus them on all they CAN DO and the fact one will never know his/her capabilities and strengths unless one ventures out from his/her comfort zone.
• People who obnoxiously correct me and then realize they are wrong and won't apologize or admit to their faux pas. ... I can't fix this - it is character flaw - so I get upset (in my head) and move on. It is their issue.

That about covers it.

If I ever slept well, I'm not testy buy if I haven't, everything pisses me off!

-Whiny voice
-slamming doors (REALLY pisses me off)
-My husband never remembering anything
-weak coffee (enrages me)
- when people in my neighborhood cut trees down. We have so few and summers have become so hot
- loud bass or hearing people's music next to me. I have to move.

@pachamama: Weak coffee upsets me as well! My stepmother makes weak coffee and I don't see a purpose to drinking it as I grew up with highly caffeinated, dark roast coffee. I get the blonde (light) brews can have just as much caffeine (if not more) but I crave the taste -- stronger is better! 🤣

@skinnycow: the stalling KILLS me!!!! I get so f-ing mad!!!

-dh not remembering to do things that happen literally every week (like take the trash bins to the curb or brush his teeth at night) I feel like I have two toddlers.
-dh telling me he’s going to do something and then not doing it (somewhat the same as above)
-dh’s Snoring especially because he has a mouth guard to prevent it and refuses to use it!

.....I sense a pattern here. I can’t believe I’m still married

I think my DS knows all my buttons:
- stalling
- whining, fake crying
- he's recently started doing this thing where when I talk to him about something he's not happy about, he'll just scream in the middle of me talking. I cannot deal. Maybe its cause of one my buttons with adults is interrupting but it drives me insane and I haven't yet found a good approach to handling it calmly. I usually just walk away which leads to more screaming/fake crying/whining.

Constant complaining/negativity/drama when I've tried to do something nice. Yesterday my son requested sausages and french fries for dinner, so I made that. He gets to the table and immediately has a fit because "These aren't the french fries I wanted, I wanted McDonalds french fries!" Next it was "this is the wrong kind of sausages" (it's the same kind I always make) and then "You gave me more than three bites." I finally just said "Listen. Eat what you want, don't eat what you don't want, but if you have one more complaint about the dinner I made you can get down from the table and have no dinner."

@Ajsmommy: same, my son has gone through a couple of 2 or 3 month long phases of being *so* difficult, my 5-month-old daughter and son both are/were NOT easy babies--I almost never lose my temper or patience. but my husband and I push each other's buttons freaking constantly, like almost daily

Stealing my pillow! I didn’t really know that I had such a problem until DH called me out on it when he observed bedtime when LO was still co-sleeping. Shortly after I bought a door monkey.

Time wasting is my biggest trigger. It’s not even about me having to repeat myself over and over although that gets old, but it’s LO not prioritizing my request or the task at hand. I have to remember that he may legitimately feel he needs to do other things first before complying. I tell him how his actions cut into the next activity, but that doesn’t always motivate him the way sternly counting does.

As LO has gotten older and seems to understand more my patience for his antics have decreased. Seriously it’s hard sometimes for me to be patient with a 2 year old who unzipped and took off his coat all on his own because I told him no I wouldn’t pick him up because he was wet from us walking out in the rain. He knows what I’m asking of him!

@irene: The thing I try to remember is that even at 7 (mine is coming up on 6 so pretty close), they still don't have enough self control and regulation to do the things we're asking of them. Heck, many adults don't, much less kids. How many times has my 42 year old husband been asked to do X, only to do ABCD and M before ever getting to X? I try to remind myself of that when I have to repeat something for the hundredth time or when my daughter resists bedtime or doing something she hates, like taking showers. I try to remember that I am, first and foremost, her teacher. When she's losing her mind about taking a shower yet again, despite countless conversations about why it's important, I try to take a deep breath and reiterate that showers are how we take care of our body and here's what happens if we don't take them. If she raises her voice, I actually do the opposite and get as quiet as possible. I grew up with a screamer and loathe loudness, and my daughter is super extroverted and often inappropriately loud, so while it's not quite screaming, me getting quiet shows her that there are better ways to communicate. It's a work in progress, but just remembering that they are kids and none of this is designed to piss us off helps me a ton.

@irene: I try to put myself in their shoes. I know that might sound stupid and my DH really dislikes it bc he thinks I should think like "the parent' and not the child BUT.... for example.. DD is playing with x,y or z.. it's time for us to leave to go to school or get groceries or whatever. So we ask her to get her shoes and jacket on and get whatever she wants to take.... we are in essence interrupting her..she is doing something. Something she probably really likes doing and is having fun and we are now telling her to 1. stop that and 2. do something we want her to do. So she stalls..... SO I think to myself how would I feel if I was doing something I really liked and then someone, (granted someone with more authority) told me to do something else.. I'd be unhappy too and I'd probably drag my feet and I might even whisper under my breathe how stupid it is that I have to do xyz when I was doing just fine doing A and that I'd rather keep doing A.. anyway it kind of helps me understand the stalling.. or whatever it is... and therefore it doesnt' make me ragey.

I just try to remember that they are people too and they have their own minds and sometimes they probably don't want to do what we need them to do...... They ultimately have to, but I can at least try to understand why they dont' want to.

Quite frankly I think it would be really odd to have a kid who never tried to stall or argue.. bc then they'd just be like little robots not thinking for themselves or doing what they wanted to do....

This is silly but I can't stand DD hanging me. She tries to rough house with me like k she does with DH but I'm just not into getting elbowed, torquing on my neck, etc. I'm a grinch. But really, that's my biggest patience breaker.

@SweetCaroline: I can't count how many times a day I say "I'm a person, not a climbing structure!" My kids think they're monkeys and I'm a tree.

@irene: one of the things that keeps my tone and volume in check is that I don’t want to startle LO and either make him hurt himself or develop a nervous habit.

@SweetCaroline: totally forgot that one. LO loves to stand on me while I try to help him change his clothes or he won’t immediately stand up when I pick remove him from the table. He’s 35 lbs and too freaking heavy for all of that. I love when we’re sitting together and I look down to find him completely in curled up in my lap though.

Like others DH is way more likely to push my buttons than DD. He forgets everything, always has. It doesn't always bother me but if he says something didn't happen because I didn't remind him enough I lose it. Or getting out his phone while we are talking. There are a lot more but those are the big two.

With DD the only things that really get to me are when she is obviously fake crying and when she hangs on me in the kitchen. That's not to say other things don't frustrate me, because they definitely do. And I am not perfect. I get mad or snap at her occasionally but it's not the norm.

For me the thing that really helps to keep in mind is that I am not simply raising a child, I am raising her to be an adult one day. If I want her to be a good adult it takes a lot of work for a lot of years - but it will be worth it.

And I am not afraid to tell her that I am frustrated, and why. Or that I need a break before I can talk.

@irene: Great! I hope it worked!
Also, Happy Valentine's Day!

When my children are like a broken record and nothing I say gets them to stop. Can't stand that. DH very rarely does something that annoys me. I may not like whatever he did, but we usually talk through anything or he apologizes for it because he knows it is something that annoys me.

DD1 doing something to hurt DD2. Do not hurt my baby.
My DH mumbling. I have to ask him to repeat himself ALL THE TIME and it drives me insane. It is honestly probably our number 1 issue bc he knows if drives me nuts but he still mumbles constantly.
The baby (almost 1) being up for hours on end or waking up tons during the night and the fact that my DH cannot help. At. All. She will not have it, it’s not really his fault. And if my DH would just say “I’m sorry I can’t help you” I think I’d get less ragey but it’s always “I’m sorry the baby is being tough, etc.” I’m not mad at the baby. I’m mad that I’m on my own and I’m tired and want to go to sleep.

My biggest button is when DS hurts DD1. Usually I just explode. It's terrible. I know I'm reacting that way because of how I grew up - I had an abusive family member, and no one ever said or did anything about it, so I had to be bigger and meaner and faster to intimidate him. I lose my mind completely when I see someone bigger hurting someone smaller. I'm trying to listen to DS before I jump in all angry, because half the time DD is really the one who starts it. I don't always succeed but recently I got it through to DS that you don't hit someone smaller than you, and if DD is bothering him he should tell me and I'll deal with her. Now they both come to me complaining a dozen times an hour, but I'll take that until they're both better about using their words with each other.

@erinbaderin: ugh, DS has started doing this thing with food too. Things he ate last week are suddenly "disgusting" and the list of things he won't eat keeps getting longer. Not a big "button" for me, but it's not easy to cook a full meal with a baby in the house, and when I get this response to what I made, I feel really discouraged. I keep reminding myself that one day he'll be a teenager and he'll eat anything that's not nailed down, so hopefully he won't eat nothing but bread forever.

@irene: multiple buttons are tough. I hate messes with a passion too. I keep reminding myself that the kids don't quite know what a clean cosy house looks like, because it's been messy since they were born So until I can set a better example, I've got to go easier on them about being messy. Also, I'm trying to get more sleep because I feel less powerless to tackle things that bug me when I'm not half asleep on my feet.