There have been a few threads recently where people mentioned various things they had given up when they became a parent I thought it might be fun to share them in a single thread!
What did you give up when you become a parent?
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Here's my list:
* The ability to sleep in - Now even if I'm away from the kids, I wake up at 5 am. I used to able to sleep in until 10 am, or even later if I was up late!!
* Regular access to cultural events in the evening - Before Bee and I had kids, we would try and go to plays and musicals whenever possible - or try out a new restaurant! After we had kids, the cost of babysitting alone would double the cost of going out! So we did it a lot less.
* Working - I used to work a lot, but with kids and no family around, that just wasn't possible. Now that the kids are older (4 and 6), I'm finally able to start working more again!
* Regular brunches and dinners with my guy friends - After kids, we still got together of course. But it used to be the default, and now it's more the exception.
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Going out with DH spontaneously. Gaming for 8 hours together on the weekends. Playing video games for more than an hour at a time. Volunteering at the library. Mostly just time.
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Fine dining
Traveling often
Staying out late
Ever being alone
Spontaneity
The right to bodily autonomyI'm only kind of kidding.
Good thing she's worth it
ETA sleep for the first 10 months. Now she sleeps great
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Sleep is the biggest one. And dates and alone time with DH.
Everything is there's a trade off- we travel less but do still do small family trips. I go out with friends for dinner and drinks less but I still see friends for play dates- it just takes up five times longer to have a conversation. I quit my job to stay home but most days I like being home better.
But I really miss sleep.
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Sleep. Relaxing vacations. Sleep. Going out on spontaneous dates. Sleep.
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-Sleep: not in number of hours, but going to sleep when I wanted to, and waking up when I wanted to! I have high sleep needs, so now I try to get to bed by 10 in order to get my 8.5 hrs of sleep I need to not be cranky!
-Fine dining. We did this a lot before baby. Now, hardly ever.
Primarily because of my #1- high sleep needs. I don't want to go out after 8pm, because I know it'll cut into my sleep! Ugh.
-Traveling: We did this a lot before baby as well. I really miss it!
-"Me" time! I am an introvert and I hardly get time to myself anymore. It's hard sometimes. -
I currently don't miss as much sleep as I did with a newborn...we have a decent sleeping toddler! I rarely sleep in because I'm used to getting up for work.
I miss being able to able binge watch Netflix on Saturdays, traveling abroad, staying late at our friends', and last-minute nights out. But certainly the biggest thing we have lost is money!! With daycare, diapers, clothes and extra activities - we spend so much $ on our kid that I'm terrified about kid 2! -
Like everyone else said, sleep.
The ability to do things at the spur of the moment.
Running-- this has been a hard one for me, but I have not been able to find the balance of exercising and childcare. With my son in daycare all day while I work, I feel guilty leaving him in the gym daycare, and after he is asleep I am too exhausted and want to spend time with dh instead. -
I completely gave up my social life. It revolved entirely around drinking and partying (several nights a week). By extension, I gave up my identity. I'm still discovering who I am outside of that.
I gave up sleeping in. Oh god, I loved a lie in!
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Sleep is a big one, I used to "need" like 9-10 hours uninterrupted to feel rested.
measuring my self worth based on career/work advancements. I took 16 months off and now only work part time, and for myself. Previously I always thrived in doing well in school or work, and it was a real shift for me to have to find ways of feeling accomplished without that external validation.
Alone time- I never really knew how important this was to me until I was desperate for long periods of time alone in my house. I actually feel like I get a decent amount because my daughter goes to bed early and my husband often works late- like last night I had 4 hours in the evening to myself (and still went to bed early). But I want...days.
Most other things are there, but in different balances. I mean, we go see a movie like twice a year and used to go often, particularly around awards season. And I definitely used to drink more/go out to see music. I guess I don't really think of having given up those things- like I've never really missed them. Traded them in for better things.
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*Getting my hair and nails done. I paint my own nails now and stopped highlighting my hair all together. I probably get a cut once or twice a year now.
*Cute, but uncomfortable shoes. No need for that in my life anymore.
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Sleep
Going out regularly to nice restaurants
Going to the gym regularly
Staying up late -
Sleeping in
Staying up late
Being able to go to the mall after work
Pedicures
Going to the gymSo basically free time. I gave up all my free time.
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I gave up my Full Time job I really did love, but with mine and DH's schedule, something had to give and I went Part Time, 2 days a week, in another office. I struggled a lot with it at first, but 2 years later, we've hit a good balance and it all feels very right.
Simply running to the store for something because it's way too much of a hassle. Amazon is my friend.
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Pretty much just doing whatever I want, whenever I want!
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- Sleeping in
- Being able to really relax on weekends
- Going out with friends
- Our old style of travel. I used to tag along with DH during his work trips and work remotely during the day in the hotel. We'd go out at night and on the weekend. Now we have to fully plan out days off to take vacations. It's alot harder to schedule. -
I gave up the ability to go wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted without having to plan.
And snacks, LO always steals my snacks!
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Sleep and spontaneity. I can still do all the things I want to do because I have an awesome husband who takes over kid duty any time... but I have to schedule it in advance.
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*unlimited exercise - I used to run 30-50mi a week depending on what I was training for, and now I majorly celebrate a 20mi week (I can count the # of times I hit that since having a baby)
*trying new restaurants and breweries; drinks after work with DH
*energy - I used to decorate, craft, DIY a lot more around our house
that's the only ones I really miss a lot. sleep - yea I lost a lot of that too, but it's not on the list of things I mourn
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Being able to sit for extended periods of time at home (there's always a need for a snack or some milk or something making me get up repeatedly!)
Going out after work or working late (have to get to daycare before it closes)
Only having to worry about my own well being and safety.
Regular exercise (its so sporadic now depending on what is going on)
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A life free of worry. I love my son so much I can't bear thinking of anything bad happening to him.
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-free time
-frequent date nights with friends
-knitting (for a long while like almost 4 years, I stopped knitting when life hit the fan so bad with new baby, marriage counseling, break up with yarn store). I only recently got the bug again to knit and have it bring me joy -
Sleep, vacation, my psychological well being (My depression has been completely out of control since I gave birth two years ago)
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sleeping in, spontaneity, more time with friends.
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Working out after work and relaxing vacations.
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Sleeping in, working out, spontaneity and most international travel
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Heels, for the most part.
Monthly mani/pedis - no time for that ish!
Lunches during the work week. I used to go out to lunch with colleagues a lot but now I work through lunch to get home sooner!
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Sleep. Exercise. Eating in fab restaurants. Drinking a lot at a good party. Traveling solo for long jaunts in foreign countries.
Sigh...
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The DINK life, basically. We could go anywhere at any point in time without having to worry about anyone else or their schedules.
It's getting increasingly more difficult to do that, I would have thought it would have gotten easier, but the school year calendar is restrictive!
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Only 8 months in..,
Sleep
TV???
Time "alone" with DH (though we are fitting in a few date nights)
A regular exercise/yoga schedule... -
sleep!
spontaneous plans with friends or dh--I miss this a lot! part of it is other changes besides lo--we used to have very close friends (a couple) who lived on our street and we would get together with them at least once a week, usually more, for game nights/watching sports/etc. They moved about a month after lo was born so that one of them could start med school in a different city, so a huge part of our social life ended at the exact same time.
the ability to throw myself into work completely. I'm trying to write a dissertation and it's really hard to balance the mental energy I need for that with parenting. I need to take nights/weekends off, and that's very different from a lot of my peers in my program who just work around the clock
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Underwire bras. Someday I'll be able to put on a bra that isn't just a couple clip-down panels!
Sleeping in
Evening cultural/arts events (still done a few of these with babysitters or when our parents are in town but nowhere near as often - we were full-season subscribers to the city opera for five straight years!)
Leaving the house after 6pm in general, really
Flat abs
Making it through the winter 99% healthy all the time
Skiing (hope to get some days in next season) -
Working- I used to feel a huge sense of purpose from work (educational field) but for our family SAH is more important right now.
Travel- we used to do this a lot and definitely prioritized it over other things. Now paying for 4 flights is prohibitive...
TV- we got rid of it since we barely watched and prefer not to have the temptation to turn it on with the kids, but sometimes I wish I could just veg and put on something totally mindless. -
Not exactly a parent yet. But I've given up my motorcycle. At least for a few years.
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Spontaneity. Sleeping in. Those are the 2 biggest.
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Endless browsing at chapters. Reading. Hot meals. The ability to walk through the living room without navigating toys. Clean car. There are goldfish crumbs and nutragrain wrappers everywhere!
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Binge reading- I used to love spending the whole day with a stack of books!
Happy hours - now my happy hour is between 8 and 9 pm when I'm still awake but the kids aren't
Long, leisurely meals out. I'm lucky to eat my meal while it's hot now. Forget appetizers and dessert!
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Sleep, of course.
Dressing nice - if we're trying to get out the door, making sure my outfit matches is last priority, behind making sure everyone is dressed and we have everything we need. I hope that will change once the kids can dress themselves.
All my friends, for various reasons which all come back to kids.
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-Sleep
-"Me" time (includes gym time--I used to go 4-5 days a week but haven't been since she arrived, shopping, hair/nail salons, and alone time at home)
-My career/job. I felt like this defined me before DD arrived, & while I don't miss work or regret SAH, it has been a huge change for me.
-International travel. We'll get back to it eventually, but with a baby & single income, it likely won't be for a while.
Primarily because of my #1- high sleep needs. I don't want to go out after 8pm, because I know it'll cut into my sleep! Ugh.
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