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I didn't know how many other people in my life had gone through similar issues and how supportive they would be.

I also didn't realize how infuriating the typical platitudes (don't stress so much, it'll happen when the time is right, etc.) would be and how irrationally mad I would get at the people who said them, no matter the good intentions.

Oh, and also, how intensely a part of you the whole process becomes. Our families know (and DH has a huge family), but lots of my friends don't. So often I find myself about to say "before I was pregnant" or something of the sort, since I kind of see the world in those before/during/after terms now....because I've dealt with it so personally for so long. But I can't, unless I want to open a whole new--and surprising for my friends--can of worms.

I didn't know how much the second one would hurt-until I passed the clot, it hurt a lot. I was really, really scared, too-I didn't know how afraid I would be.

I didn't know that you don't always know right away that you're miscarrying, and that sometimes, the waiting is the absolute worst part.

I also didn't know how bleeding so heavily would wipe me out, especially physically. I also didn't realize how much taking vitamins and iron supplements would help, because my body was SO depleted.

I didn't know how much it would affect my depression, and that it would bring out new anxieties. I've never been socially anxious before in my life, but I could not handle people.

I didn't realize how insensitive I had accidentally been to people with losses before my own. It breaks my heart to think that I might have hurt them even more when their own hearts were already shattered.

@stine_ciro: this! I had no idea how supportive even random people would be. That helped so, so much. I also didn't know that support groups existed for people who had lost pregnancies. I needed them, and I am so glad that I had them.

@mfa_lady: yes. A thousand times, yes. My angels are still my babies, and they always will be. Several times in the last few weeks, I've accidentally caught myself saying, "this is my third pregnancy, but my first child" and I hate that with the passion of a thousand suns. Every time I have slipped, it makes me want to cry, because that's not how I think of it. And you're right, it is so personal. You don't choose to have this happen to you, but once it does, it never leaves you-at least, not for me.

@Torchwood: your title scared the crap out of me at first! Thanks for the disclaimer

I didn't know how common miscarriages were

I didn't know how taboo the subject can be. No one really talks about it!

I didn't know people would avoid me & the subject like I was the plague. I think a lot of people didn't know what to say to me, so they didn't say anything at all, and acted like it didn't happen. That hurt me a lot. And my best friend never even said she was sorry for my loss and that hurt me a lot. And as @LovelyPlum: said, made me realize that I may have been that insensitive person to others.

On the other hand, I was surprised by the love and support I got from certain people.

I didn't realize it would put a strain on DH and I's relationship. But in the end it made us grow as a couple and become closer and stronger.

I had a D&C and overall had a fine experience with it. I had a blighted ovum that I didn't find out about until I was, what would have been, 12 weeks along. I think I lost the baby around 6 weeks. Ultrasound tech saw strange tissue so they were worried about a molar pregnancy so wanted me to do a D&C so they could have the tissue tested (hello run on sentence). The procure was quick and painless. I felt pretty normal physically after it happened. I had light bleeding at first but then had really heavy bleeding after a couple of days that lasted for about a week. About 10 days after my D&C, I passed some clots that were pretty painful. I think I bled for about 2 weeks. Then it took a total of 8 weeks to get my period back. That wait was so excruciatingly long. I was so anxious to start trying again.

I didn't really know that I still had to be concerned about losing my baby at 21 weeks. Everybody talks about the first trimester and the safe zone, well that means sh*t to me now.

I was "lucky" and had a D&E instead of being induced because baby was measuring small for age. My doctor said it was a missed miscarriage and had probably been a couple weeks already and she was worried about infection. The surgery was quick and easy for me, getting the IV in beforehand was the worst as I have terrible veins. I woke up afterwards and immediately started crying my eyes out when I realised my baby was actually gone now. I had very light bleeding (but no cramping) for a couple days and then nothing after that.

@LovelyPlum: your post is making me tear up!!!! All of those are so very true.

I didn't realize it could take so long for your hCG levels to drop. Mine had a huge drop initially, then slowed down to the point that it took weeks to finally be completely gone.

I didn't realize that however much your husband is wonderful and supportive, he will never truly understand what you are going through, and it will be much more emotionally draining and difficult on you.

I didn't know how you would always think about how far along you would have been during significant dates (ie- It's christmas, I would be announcing to my family right know).

I didn't know how long I would be upset, and it still catches me by surprise months later. I didn't know how much I would *feel* and that it's ok to do so.

I didn't know how much I would equally be terrified and anxious to try again.

I didn't realize how much it felt like being in limbo, not pregnant, but not yet not pregnant. Those 6 weeks were awful.

I didn't realize I would always have to say I had 1 pregnancy but no children on dr forms, and how difficult it would be to see it written down.

I am a very private person in general and don't like sharing my personal life. I didn't realize I would feel an urge to tell everyone what happened, though no one even knew we had been trying or that I was pregnant initially. I didn't, and because of that, I'm terrified I'll forget it ever happened.

I didn't realize how certain terms can make your experience feel invalidated. Chemical Pregnancy and Blighted Ovum just don't capture the situation you go through, or how devastating it feels.

I didn't realize how hard the first holiday after it happened would be.

Thank you for this. I'm really appreciating reading everyone else validating the feelings that I've had that I didn't even know how to put into words.

That being said, I didn't know how totally and utterly alone I would feel. DH has been to every doctors appointment with me and has been ready and willing to talk with me and cry with me and hold me for two hours while I bawled after our last sonogram confirmed there was no baby in me, and yet, I'm not sure I've ever felt so alone. As much as he wants to understand and be there for me, he's ready to admit that he has no idea what pain and grief I'm going through.

The limbo/waiting for me was also the hardest part. It's been a two week process of doctor's appointments saying you may be losing your baby or you may be bad at math (I'm actually very good at math thank you very much). And it will be nearly another week before a follow up to confirm if everything is "over" or not.

Most of what I would say has already been said.

I think coming from the perspective of having a second miscarriage I was not expecting people who the first time were very supportive (I'm sorry for your loss) who now think they can give me advice. For example one person started lecturing me about how I'm too stressed right now and I should wait until I'm off in the summer. Another said that they think I should wait to give my body a break. Neither is a medical professional. I was so taken aback I didn't know how to respond. Thinking about it now. I would just say I appreciate your thoughts, but I'm going to listen to my doctor and my husband and I will decide if and when we are ready again.

@SAHM0811: Yes, that surprised me too; I had to go in for draws even AFTER my D&C, and the tech kept making comments to me about being pregnant, and even when I said, no, I'm sure I'm not, he kept on about it (I guess he assumed, looking at which tests were ordered? Seems like they should know not to make assumptions). All those draws just kept prolonging when I could have the whole experience over with.

I was surprised by how painful it was after my doctor said "Don't worry, it'll just be like a bad period." I remember lying in bed, screaming with the pain and DH just didn't know how to comfort me at all. In actual fact, my mc was more painful than giving birth but I suspect that was partly because I was losing something instead of gaining my daughter. However, you insensitive doctor, it didn't feel like just a "bad period".

@Mrsk: Thinking of you, lady. I had a missed miscarriage as well and I waited for the process to happen naturally. As you're saying about taking the medicine, the waiting is so strange and disconcerting. I am glad you have found comfort in this thread, and I wish you so much peace in the future. Let me know if there's anything I can do!

@Mrsk: Im so sorry you are here. I would talk to your doctor if the pills don't start things. That emotional toll of feeling like a ticking time bomb is the worst. Obviously no one wants surgery but you have to take your emotional aspect into consideration.

I am on my third pregnancy after two prior losses and everything is looking great. There doesn't seem to be a reason for the first two losses.

I didnt know how attached I could be to a baby I had only learned about for a week and who wasn't any more than an idea, a thought

@PawPrints: oh no I'm really sorry. I'm glad this has been helpful, though. Hugs

This is a thoughtful thread. Thanks everyone. It's passed for me, but I don't think there is much I could contribute.