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I consider someone a single parent if they do not share a residence with the child's other parent. So even if they are receiving support and share custody, they are a single parent.

I honestly don't really worry about defining that term. Just like a lot of other terms, I think it is up to single parents to define what a single parent is. If someone considers themselves to be a single parent, I don't really think it is my business to police that.

The only time I give side eye is when someone is actually married to their children's other parent, who is physically present in at least some capacity (so, not like deployed overseas or otherwise separated), and calls themselves a single parent because their spouse works long hours or takes business trips or what have you. In my mind you have periods of solo parenting but you are not single, both in the marital sense and in the sense that you do have a parenting partner in your life.

@daniellemybelle: this is a huge pet peeve of mine. DH travels often for work overnight- usually 8-10 nights a month and people will make little comments about me being a single parent. I correct it and call it solo parenting. I feel it is hugely disrespectful to my husband to call me a single parent - he's away from home to support our family and loves his job.

I feel like a single mom is a mother who is single--ie, unmarried. Isn't that the very definition? Sounds like your friends were having a pissing contest.

I consider a single mom to be a girl who is raising her kids without being married or having the dad in the house. I think that some single moms have it much harder than others; but they are all single moms nonetheless. I don't think there needs to be different terms to differentiate amongst the hierarchy of single-momness. I say this as a girl raised by a single mom.

ETA: I've always cringe at the term "solo parenting". If you have support from your husband, then I see no need to coin a term for yourself when he works. But I get it to a degree - and I have mad respect for military wives.

@azjax: yup, I agree.

Single parent is no longer in a cohabitating relationship. The woman is a single mom and the dad is a single dad, regardless of shared custody/child support/etc.

The only time I wouldn't consider a mom or dad a single parent is if they're no longer involved in their child's life at all. You can't see your kid once or twice a year and lament that you're a single parent.

Omg this screams of ridiculous mommy wars and needs to stop. Is a mom whose husband works just a married woman with kids? Is a widow who received a hefty life insurance payment a widow with kids? I mean, if you have kids, you are a mom. People need to just stop one upping other moms for who has it best/worst. It is not a competition!

@skipra: This. For the love of God.

With housing prices where I am I know a few divorcing couples that still cohabitate (and will for a while). I wonder if they consider themselves single parents.

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Why was a married SAHM even posting a meme about the definition of a single mom? Why does there need to be a definition? This seems like baiting for a ridiculous mommy war that helps no one.

I'll be really honest that I have never really considered the distinction before, but I think if you are not living with a spouse/co-parent, I would call you a single mom. That said, I can see how someone who is raising their child(ren) alone and with little or no financial support might feel like they are in a whole different class than a mom who is not living with a partner but gets child support, alimony, etc. and the other parent does keep the kids per the custody agreement. They are definitely different situations, but I guess I class them all under the umbrella of "single mom/dad."

I always say that DH was raised by a single mom. His bio father paid child support but DH has never even met him. I think there are just too many variations of the situations you can be in to really try to break down who is or isn't a single mom beyond the point of "single as in not in a permanent relationship."

I'm a single mom. I know plenty of other single moms. Most of us get child support. Honestly, I considered it "doing right by my child" when I took her father to court for support - it's not her fault we split and she's legally entitled to the financial support of two parents. I don't see how that somehow makes me or someone else in the same position not a single mom.

I will say there is a lot of stigma attached to being a single parent, and single mother especially. If someone wants to mitigate that somehow and define themselves differently, fine. But seriously, if you're an un-partnered mama, no matter what the situation, chances are you're doing the lion's share of caring for your children, financially, physically, mentally, and in every other way.

@agold: I think if you knew anyone who solo parents on a regular basis you'd have a different opinion. My husband works long hours, but tries to make it home for bath and bed and that's a huge help when I have two kids to wrangle. My very dear friend has a husband who travels for work 4 days out of most weeks. That means that for 4 full days she's juggling every aspect of two kids. When they are both hungry or screaming or need attention she never has some else to jump in. She never gets to say "mommy needs a break" and take five minutes to herself because there's no one else there. When the kids are finally asleep she doesn't have another adult to talk to about her day or how she's feeling or give her a hug. She's a champ, and she gets a term. Because what she does is a hell of a lot different than what I do every week.

@Truth Bombs: thank you for defending solo parenting. @agold: I'm a solo parent most weeks and while yes I have my DHs support but he isn't here for support at the same time. Solo parenting is real and super hard and not cringe worthy. It is extremely isolating and lonely.

@Truth Bombs: @Smurfette: I understand what you girls are saying. My husband works long night shifts, so most weeks I go 3-4 days without seeing him. I have a 6 month old baby. So I do "solo parent" 3 or 4 days a week. But I was raised by a single mom and I would never in a million years think that I have it tough and I never would have thought up the term "solo parent." Because I'm not a solo parent. My baby has two very much involved parents. Just because he isn't there for bath time, he's taking care of so much else. My little single mom had to literally take care of everything herself. But I understand the challenge and you all should use the term "solo parent" all you want. I just won't use it for myself.

@skipra: Agree with all you said.

The term solo parenting literally means parenting solo (unaccompanied, alone). I don't feel the amount of hours/days changes the literal definition of a word....kwim? There's no vocabulary sliding scale where once you pass a certain amount, the word becomes true.

I guess I'm trying to figure out why for some people, there's an extra layer of meaning that is fraught with secondary implications into the term "solo parenting". It's just a term people choose to use to self describe their particular parenting situation. I have a coworker whose husband works on an oil platform and is gone 3 weeks of every month. Is she not solo parenting during that time? My sister's husband is career military and has had 6 deployments over the time they've had kids. Isn't she solo parenting during that time? I also have a friend whose husband is a police officer who has been on night shifts for a few years, so she solo parents at night.

Heck, even if I have a friend say they want to meet up for a mommy happy hour, I might respond, "Dh is working late, so I'm solo parenting tonight and can't make it", literally using the definition of parenting unaccompanied by another adult.

I feel the same about the term "single parenting". I have 3 single parent friends. One had a baby on her own through donor sperm and IVF and doesn't even have family help. The other two both had oopsie babies outside of a relationship, but they were older and wanted kids, so they've built a life being a single mom. One had a newly divorced mom who immediately moved in with her, provided all childcare until the kiddo was in school, cooked dinners, etc. Her mom was basically a SAHW for her. The 3rd lived on her own, but her parents bought her a place on their block and the retired parents provided childcare. In my eyes, they are all single parents, regardless of the amount of help they get and from whom. Single just means not in a relationship.