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@Cherrybee: My son loved to "help" me at that age, which was exhausting for the same reason you mentioned. What helped break the cycle was to set him up with specific tasks. For example, I would give him 3 dishes and a bucket of water and soap and ask him to "wash the dishes" while I also washed my own dishes. That kept him busy while I was able to do my own work without having him try to do everything that I was doing!

The other thing that helped was meditating a little bit. But I wasn't able to keep that up because I got busy. But when I meditate a little bit (I just play some meditation stuff on YouTube), it definitely helps with my patience!

You are way more patient than I am. And a lot of times I do end up yelling because like you my patience is done by 9 am. I even get mad just listening to Janet Lansbury.

Yesterday C told me to go to my room to calm down.

@Foodnerd81: JL sound so lovely and I've listened to half her book and it just makes me feel like a crap parent!! I do like her reminders that the tantrum isn't about what it seems like and the reminders to keep my feelings in check. And the part about being firm isn't being mean, kids crave boundaries but some of her podcasts episodes I'm just like... Clearly you don't spend much time around toddlers

@Cherrybee: also, magnatiles! Does E have any?? My kiddo plays with those solo for an hour and often doesn't want me around for it because he doesn't want me touching his tower! Maybe E would like to play independently with those?? Has the new baby bought her sis a present yet??

@Cherrybee: Trust me when I write this, but my son was the same. He would follow me everywhere, insist that I sit with him, etc. He eventually began playing alone, but he insisted it be in the same room. It's learned behavior. It required more than just one attempt, and it was gradual. My first attempts meant no more than a few minutes of him playing. I had to try a lot of things for him to play with, kind of until he found his passion, which turned out to be crafting kits and the like. It's paid off big, but it was a lot of effort on my end.

I view Kids not wanting to play by themselves when you need them to you as any other behavioral issue. They might Tantrum about it because they don't want to but that's OK, they're allowed to be angry. And them being angry and tantruming shouldn't get in the way of me doing when I need to do. If I need to fold laundry and my kid is screaming because he wants me to play with him, I would ideally calmly tell him that when I am done I will be able to play with him but right now my hands are busy. And it's OK if that makes him upset. Of course it sucks to have to listen to a screaming child but they're allowed to be upset that you're not doing what they want you to do, but that also doesn't mean that you need to give into them all the time.

I agree with others who have suggested getting out/away in some capacity -- either going somewhere that she can/will play by herself (they have lots of "open gym" sorts of things around here) or something like the gym, where she can go to childcare even if I sit in the lounge and read, not workout!

On days when none of that is possible, I'd just throw on a movie or a Daniel Tiger for her to watch -- ideally while I get something else done.

Sorry, mama, that's rough! We all have days like that, and I'm not even preg. I don't miss those days at all -- my patience was about zero EVERY day for the last couple weeks!

I agree with @looch: that independent play is a learned skill, albeit much harder for some kids than others. I would explain to her with baby coming there are times when mommy has to help baby eat or go to sleep and so E will need to be a big sister helper by learning to do small tasks by herself and wait until mommy can finish. I would start incorporating 1-2 sessions, twice a day, preferably at predictable times, warn her the session is coming, and then pop her in her room or some designated space for 10 minutes while you are out of sight. Use an egg timer if you have to do she can see how much time is left and come back immediately when the timer goes off, cheer, and make a big stink out of it. Stickers, rewards, high fives, whatever. If she screams or craps herself, fine, deal with it in 10 minutes. Make it non-negotiable, and when 10 minutes goes over without issue, slowly increase in 5 minute increments and give her projects that seem to keep her busy. If she asks why the time is being adjusted, link it to discreet baby tasks. 10 minutes is a diaper and outfit change after baby goes poop all over the place. 15 minutes is baby's bath time. 20 minutes is how long it takes baby to eat. 30 is how long it takes baby to fall asleep. 45 mins - 1 hour is how long baby needs to nap and we have to stay very quiet and sometimes when baby is sick or upset she might need mama to hold her for the nap.

I know you said you can't get away, but kind of sounds like you need to. Is there a specific reason why DH can't take her out a few hours every weekend or why you can't get out and leave them home? If you're at the end of your rope by 9 am every day, it really sounds like staying at home in a different room where you can here her still isn't going to help.

@Cherrybee: oh boy, I can imagine

There was a meme on Facebook awhile back that said something along the lines of "Silence is golden... Unless you have a toddler, then it's suspicious."

@Cherrybee: sorry I wasn't trying to imply your husband doesn't do his fair share. I was just suggesting that you can be equals while doing different things. My husband and I feel like we are very equal in terms of our parenting but we excel at different areas of it and so the work balance falls in line with those interests and tolerances. I have a really hard time with my sons meltdowns and while my husband doesn't like them either, he's way more patient than I am so he will grab DS and go to the park so I can decompress. In the same way DH has a hard time dealing with my son's finicky food issues so I am always in control of his food and menu and meals. I think if we expected each other to do the same amount of work in every aspect of childrearing we would go insane and that's how we help each other out.

@Cherrybee: you have gotten a lot of good advice but I wanted to speak to the getting frustrated in the moment and how to cope. We all have days like this! What I try to do when I am losing my patience with DD is:
1. Breathe. Deep breaths a few times.
2. Check in with myself to see why I am getting frustrated--am I tired? Hungry? Sick of whining?
3. Acknowledge that to myself: "no wonder you are frustrated--you had a hard time sleeping last night. Give myself permission/grace to feel this feeling.
4. Shift the focus to DD. Try as much as possible to see her side.
5. Name/described her feelings to her: "you love feeling like a big girl when you help mama and you get so frustrated when you can't do everything like her. I know it is hard to wait until you get bigger!" (I try to say this in my most Sesame Street/Janet Lansbury/kind empathetic adult voice even if I don't feel it.)
6. Talk about how we could work together to help her.

For me trying to keep DD's perspective, ridiculous as it sometimes is, in mind is themes because I see her for her and not as an annoyance/barrier to me getting stuff done.

Sometimes I also try to reframe the interaction as a teaching moment: what do I want DD to learn from this? How can I explain/teach/show her what I need?

Hugs and good luck! You are doing such a great job working hard to give your girl the best you can! (Sorry for the novel!)

So I hit this point a few minutes ago and I decided to blow off steam by telling LO I was going tickle him and that he'd better run! So he did and I caught him and tickled him and made him smile and we played that chasing/tickle game for a minute and he and I were both in a better mood afterward.

@Cherrybee: 35 weeks pregnant with a toddler sucks. Even the good days are really effing hard because you hurt, there's all the anticipation building and anxiety about getting stuff done and the exhaustion is real. Don't judge yourself too much. You're getting done what needs to get done.

When I fail at being as patient as I want/need to be with my toddler I try to see it as a chance to show him that 1) grown ups make mistakes too 2) how to apologize and make amends the right way and 3) how to move on.

I figure that those things are important to learn about too. I just wish I didn't have to model it so often.

Hope you get some rest, a break and that you feel better physically and emotionally soon.

So I think my LO is somewhat similar in that she is freaking obsessed with me. She doesn't play independently much and she doesn't like tv so pretty much everything we do is active-type playing together. If I try to be productive there are some things she can help me with (unloading dishwasher, putting laundry on hangers) SOMETIMES but at least 60% of the time she just screams at me to pick her up. Cooking is basically out of the question because if I am standing up she is basically climbing my leg yelling UP UP UP UP and if I tell her no she throws herself onto the ground in a huge tantrum. I get most frustrated when I'm trying to get ready for the work week or trying to make dinner before my husband gets home from work and she is either demanding to be held or sobbing because I won't hold her. OR when my husband is finally home and he tries to take her and she wails for me.

When I'm losing my patience I honestly just try to take a deep breath and put it in perspective. I'm trying to let go of what I think needs to be done. Sometimes laundry piles up. Sometimes dishes don't get put away promptly. Sometimes (often) dinner doesn't get made and LO gets PBJ. But I know this time in my life is short. And my biggest problem is my LO loves me so much she wants me to hold her all the time and engage with her all the time. In a decade she's going to think I"m boring and lame. (But that doesn't always make it less frustrating in the moment... it is just what I try to tell myself to calm down when I'm really frustrated).

@Mae: DS used to do this to me all the time. Pretty much the only time he'd beg to be picked up was when I was cooking. It drive me nuts. I started putting a chair in the kitchen for him to sit on and that had some success we got a learning tower and that helped a lot. He's still more clingy when I cook for whatever reason, but sometimes we can mitigate it a little.