long before I had a baby I would often think about how I was going to parent. When I was younger and more rebellious all I ever wanted was to allow my children to be free spirits, do as they please even if It meant learning the hard way. Now I Feel Like being the Drill Sargent so she can end up better than I.
She's only 7 months, I know I still have time.
What would/will you choose?
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I feel like I have been a drill sergeant but am striving to be a betty crocker!
I want to guide my kids and allow them to make choices but also know there are rules and expectations.
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@Mamaof2: exactly what you said!!
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I'll probably be all 3 at different points...
I'd probably try to be Betty Crocker most of the time, but swing to being a drill sargent or free spirit depending!
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I'm more Betty with a little free spirit mixed in. DH is a Betty with a dash of drill sargent. I think that's a pretty okay balance.
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@Mamaof2: Yes!
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@Mamaof2: ditto!
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Before I read choices, my first though is that I am a :
Tired Parent. haha
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@snowjewelz: I think that might be a requirement for good parenting. A well blended mix of all three.
I had to make a compromise with my DH (he's Drill Sargent material) He said DD was never aloud to die her hair like I do when she get's bigger. I said It was better to give her her hair to experiment with than having her sneak off and get tattoos and piercings. He agreed. -
@Anagram: lol and they aren't even teenagers yet!
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@MamaPhoenix: I don't think I meant it in such a positive way. More like I'll either be over controlling sometimes, or too lazy or tired to care on other days!
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I'm a weird mix of drill Sargent and free spirit I think. I established a schedule and routine from 3 weeks on, I don't make separate meals if she doesn't want to eat what's served....but on the other hand she has access to the pantry at any time and gets her own snacks, if she wants to jump off the couch I might tell her it will hurt if she falls but I won't stop her. She has to go to bed at the established time, but if she doesn't want to sleep, that's fine. She just needs to stay in bed/her bedroom. She has free will within boundaries.
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@snowjewelz: oops! sorry
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@MamaPhoenix: You think too highly of me, haha!
But I agree w/ you; a blend of the 3, knowing when to be what, is the best thing!
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I've been thinking a lot about this of late. I read some extracts from that "Tiger Mom" book in an article about the author and I couldn't help but see her point - a good number of my friends who have become successful came from families who were strict about studying, practicing instruments, curfews etc. That said, I don't want to take the fun out of childhood, push her too hard or force my ideas of success onto her; ultimately, I want her to be happy.
So, Betty Crocker.... with a bit of Drill Sergeant thrown in!!
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@LemonLong: I think this pretty well explains me too!
I voted drill sergeant, because DH and I both grew up in a very strict household, and that's just what we're used to. We're also very... orderly and disciplined. BUT, I'm only going to be strict about what I care about. When I say DO NOT do something, you'd better listen. I'll generally be pretty easy-going about many things though. If my 10 year old wants purple highlights in her hair? I just don't care, sounds fine with me! If my 10 year old wants to go see an inappropriate movie with friends - absolutely not and if you disobey there will be severe consequences. I will fully expect obedience as required, but I also want to encourage independence as appropriate
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I have to play the Drill Sergent at school enough with my students- it works, but I get tired of it easily since it isn't very fun.
At home we are a mix of Betty Crocker and Free Spirit with high expectations mixed in. Mostly we just go with the flow, I really hate strict schedules when I'm at home.
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@Mrs. Sunshine: We're like that, just switched. He's free spirited, I'm more structured, but we're mostly Bettys. I like the combo.
@Cherrybee: Somewhat OT, but do you think the successful people from strict backgrounds are genuinely happy (like, satisfied with life happy) or are they happy that they're successful and fulfilling expectations? *NOT a mean-spirted Q* I want my kids to be high achievers, but first and foremost I want them to be truly happy…even if that means happy with "pretty good" - which is tough to admit being so type-A as I am. I feel like it's the second part of this parenting style equation - what's the end goal?
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@indi: It's a fantastic question and in truth I don't really know. We're talking childhood friends and these day I see their lives through the veil of Facebook.... When I say success, I mean material success - being doctors, opticians etc, running marathons, going on lovely holidays (vacations). Are they happy? Who knows! I also have a friend (I've known a few years) who had a super hippy, free spirit upbringing. She now works part time at an art gallery and lives at home with her parents (in her mid thirties). She's really happy..... but....she has no savings for retirement, for example. She's not going to happy then, is she? I want to help my LO to strike that balance between happiness and security. I only wish I knew how!
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Basically I want to be Michelle Duggar (not as much in the thrifty/homeschool/religion, more in just the way she parents and conducts herself.)
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I'm probably 60% Betty Crocker, 25% drill Sargent and 15% free spirit.
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I think I'll be 50/50 drill sergeant and Betty Crocker.
I aspire to have a parenting style like Super Nanny - loving but firm...be consistent and set structure so your kids know the rules and what's expected but don't just punish - give clear warnings and guidance on the consequences of their actions. And if they choose to disobey there is absolute follow through on the consequences but also lots of love and forgiveness and everything is a learning opportunity so she can learn to think for herself. I think when they're young they need more rules and structure and as they get older they can have more freedom and they've demonstrated an ability to exercise good judgment
DH's parents were total hands off hippy parents and he absolutely does not want to raise our kids with that parenting style. And I have to agree that's not how I what to raise our kids.
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I don't know, so far I am pretty laid back, at least compared to my DH. He is pretty particular and set on rules, saying no, teaching boundaries, etc. I tend to try and make LO happy and will let things slide if it makes her stop crying. Mom of the year right here! LOL
I also focus on being active with her--we spend hours outside every day, I take her to gymnastics, swimming, lots of walks, jogs, the park, etc. My DH is more of a "project-oriented" parent and likes to do projects with her (crafts, building things, making forts, etc.).
We are both extremely affectionate with our kids which has VERY MUCH rubbed off on LO. We are very huggy/kissy/phsyical and say "i love you" a bajillion times a day. LO is now this way with her friends.
ETA: I would say I am part betty crocker part free spirit.
DH is drill sergeant all the way.
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