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Oh I understand your feelings completely. We recently told my husband's sister and her husband that we are having a baby. She had always told us that they wanted to wait about 4 years before having kids so we always just kind of assumed we would have kids first and knew she was just waiting for us to make her an aunt. So, we were shocked when she started crying hysterically when we told her. She explained to us that they had been trying since May (3.5 years sooner than we though) and had just (within the same week) found out that she has PCOS and her chances of getting pregnant are pretty slim. We were devastated for them and felt like big ol jerks for telling them in a fun, joking manner instead of being more sensitive but we honestly had no idea. It wouldn't have changed the circumstances any but we definitely would have been more tender in how we approach the subject.

I've talked to her since then to let her know that we support her and her husband 100% and that I don't want to throw this pregnancy in her face at all. I told her that I want her to be as involved as she feels comfortable with. She seemed really appreciative of that conversation and is genuinely excited for us and wants to be involved. However, I can still tell that it stings a little when I send her updates like the heartbeat which we got to see for the first time on Thursday.

I'm really kind of dreading my baby shower because I know she feels obligated to throw me one and will feel awkward not throwing one but at the same time I know it will be torture for her to even be there.

My cousin has been dealing with this and my baby is 4 months old. We just found out her (my cousin) twin sister is pregnant. I can tell i bothers her. I just try to let her help with Baby Bear because she loves kids. I just pray it happens for her soon too.

I'd just let her know that you're praying for them, and wishing them the best. Having been in her shoes, just having a few friends and family members to talk to about the process with was really nice. And when my support people took the time to learn a little bit about IVF, or just ask questions about how it all works, was kind of nice too - it was a way of showing they genuinely were interested and nonjudgemental about it.

Care packages are great. Cozy/fun socks are great, nail polish, pjs, and funny books or movies are great. I made sure to surround myself with as much happy, positive, funny energy during IVF and I honestly think it played a part in the success.

I think also offering to take her out to lunch, or bring take out or ice cream or something to her at home, could be nice. She might be bloated or uncomfortable from the shots and procedures, so she might want to stay home. Having some girl time to just talk about the process, or talk about anything else, if that's what she wants, might help.

And since you mentioned prayer, here's an article link that I love. They show that IVF success rates were higher with intercessory prayer, even when the patients didn't know they were being prayed for. I really appreciated prayer on our behalf.

http://www.intelihealth.com/IH/ihtIH/EMIHC000/333/333/335483