I was just talking to my cousin about this, and I'm curious. LO is a month old, and I'm definitely dealing with a lot of anxiety about something happening to her. I have to check that she's breathing a lot, etc. Shows where something bad happens to a kid make me cry. Fun times. I know it's totally normal, but I'm wondering when, if ever, that it gets better (I'm assuming it never really goes away). My cousin said for her it was when her son was 2-3, but he got really sick so she thinks it might have been sooner if he was healthy. So what was/is your experience? (For what it's worth, both of us have anxiety issues anyway, so that also would factor into it for us.)
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10 months in and I still check breathing. My lo is a terrible sleeper so if she has a good sleeping night I wake up in a panic that something happened...
However as I see her get more stable pulling up and standing / crawling- I hover less. So I suppose my anxiety is improving a bit.
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Over 2 and I still sneak in to check that DS is breathing if I haven't seen him change positions recently on the video monitor. The worry definitely decreases I would say after 6 months or so?
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Mine are 2 and 3 months, and I still check on their breathing all the time! And cry when I hear about bad things happening to kids. I don't think it stops.
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After the first few months when she seemed more sturdy, could roll a little and start sitting up, I worried less.
But I think your history and her being early would probably mean you will worry longer than most, and that's ok. C was born full term and never had any serious health scares- I'm sure I would worry more if she'd spent time in the NICU or had any serious scares.
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Oh and I think I will always cry when I hear about something bad happening to kids. I'm pretty sure that will never go away.
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The crying and getting really upset when something bad happens to a child on TV or in the news has not gone away for me at 2 years. I don't think it ever will.
The constant, head spinning, cant-catch-your-breath anxiety started to calm down at 5 months (I can pinpoint the day) and eased into regular mum-worrying by about a year.
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2.5 years and I still check on them while they're sleeping...but I think around a year. Once they were stronger physically, I didn't worry about blankets in the crib, breathing etc...around a year they were more like little people and less like babies!
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I think my anxiety about SIDS in particular lessened significantly after a year. But even now, when my very bad sleeper actually sttn, I always worry it's because something bad happened and I have to go peek. haha. And she's 2.
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For me, what changed is the anxiety went from being acute and intrusive, to being more abstract. Passing certain milestones-rolling over, sitting up, reaching a year of age (aging out of SIDS risk) helped me a lot. Now that he's learning to talk and express preferences and just be overall more independent, that's helped me a lot too. So around 2 years of age. Like you, I also have a history of anxiety (& depression).
What you're feeling is normal, but I know it's not fun. Hugs!
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Around 6-9 months my anxiety had lessened. By 1 year it was much better. As a parent I still worry but I don't panic. I also have a history of anxiety.
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I had bad anxiety before kids. But DD is 2.5 and it is still as bad as day 1.
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I have anxiety even before becoming a mom!
It gets better but I feel lime once my anxiety about one thing is better something else comes along, right now choking is my biggest fear! -
Never. He's 3 and I still wake up at least once a night to check he's breathing. Sometimes I literally feel sick from worry. It's one of the hardest things about parenting that no one can explain to you before you're a parent.
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@Torchwood: 4 months in and I don't see the anxiety going away (ever) Hang in there and know we are all in the same boat
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Gradually it got better, didn't feel like myself until she was 2!
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i guess i'm in the minority but i don't feel like I ever had the sort of anxiety you're talking about. When things pop up (for example, when i heard she had a heart murmur, when she started refusing her to eat at 2.5 mo, when she pulled a table over on herself and I thought she broke her leg last week) I do worry a lot of course. But I've never been one to watch her breath when she is asleep or just randomly worry about some horrible disease for no reason. I feel like if you're having intrusive thoughts about that sort of stuff past the 6 mo mark you might want to talk to someone because it seems exhausting to live with that sort of anxiety day in and day out.
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Mine got better when I started using an Angel Care monitor. The super emotions got better at 6/8 weeks. I'm feeling a lot less anxious at 4.5 months.
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@Mae: good advice! I agree intrusive thoughts are something to talk to a professional about eventually. I see a therapist 2x a month and that helps me so much, I've been seeing her for a year.
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@Mae: good advice. I'm now getting anxious that something bad is going to happen to me. I'm hoping the feeling goes away
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When it wasn't better by 7 months, I knew it was time to get outside help.
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@jlm22: The first time I left her (in the nicu), I was freaking out that I would get in a wreck and leave her without a mom. Strangely that one hasn't come back since.
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@Mae: I'm the same way. I suffered anxiety and minor depression before having kids and I never felt this anxiety that so many are describing. I only worry about her if there is actually a known concern to stress over. Although I was watching her breathe today when she fell asleep during tummy time - not because I was worried but simply because it was cute!
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I worried about breathing before he could rollover or when he didn't STTN often I'd wake up at 5am in a panic, but those worries were the worst the first 2 months, and completely subsided by around 4 months. Otherwise, I'm very similar to @Mae
In general I'm more of an overanalyzer than pure worrier (but it definitely leads to worry/fixating, but mine is usually about development rather than physical health).
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I struggle with anxiety and had PPA. I still would say I have a higher level of anxiety (on the drive to daycare if I see an emergency vehicle in my mind I deduct how they must be going to arrest one of her teachers, or that I'll show up to an ambulence, etc. Crazy stuff still pops in my mind.) The moment to moment anxiety about her health etc has especially diminished though. I think that part will improve even more when she can communicate "my ear hurts" etc. Having to advocate for your child's health when they can't really communicate is a heavy thing!!!! Hang in there. If I can survive 21 months anyone can
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@Torchwood: I get these feelings and thoughts all the time. The car accident one is so scary. Being a mom is terrifying and I've had anxiety since I can remember, so that doesn't help. There are so many things to worry about and I get so jealous of DH because he's super laid back. I think some level of worrying is always going to be part of life, but as PPs have stated, intrusive, nagging thoughts probably aren't normal and talking to someone might help. I've been thinking about doing just that for a while, not sure I'm ready yet though. My DD is 6 months BTW.
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Only after I started therpy and actively working on it.
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I think some amount of worry and anxiety is a normal part of being a parent, but not if it is overtaking your thoughts or if you feel like the thoughts are becoming irrational. I worry still and I have a 4 year old! To sum it up, when my dad says he worries about me and I tell him not to worry, I'm an adult, he always says "I will worry about you until I DIE!".
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I think it was about 7 months for me. I still listen for her breathing when I check on her at night (which I don't do every night anymore for fear of waking her!) but it's not out of WORRY, more just habit. I worried a lot about SIDS and such and once I realized she was strong & capable enough to reliably roll over and handle her little body I just felt safer.
Now the crying when reading a story about a kid who was hurt or sick is another story... I imagine I'll always deal with that!
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@Mae: I think I'm like you. I never checked on my kids' breathing (although they slept in our room until 3 months, so I could hear them, but I didn't feel the need to check on them after we moved them to their own rooms). The only times I've been REALLY scared was when Xander had his allergic reaction to milk and a couple other asthma related cases. But even when he was hospitalized, I felt confident that he was going to be okay!
My biggest fears were that Hubs would forget him in the car doing daycare drop-off, but after a couple months, I stopped worrying about that too.
I think anxiety at the 1 month mark is pretty normal though. I don't have a history of anxiety and I had a fairly easy birth with my first born and I was still pretty anxious for the first 6-8 weeks.
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I guess I just always assumed thoughts like that were normal and never go away, but maybe I'm wrong. The anxiety over breathing/sids got better around 4 months, but the constant worrying? It comes and goes still at 2.5 years. I lay in bed some nights crying just thinking about how much I love her and how I just would not be able to go on if anything ever happened to her. I also lay awake at night and stress about getting in a car accident or something, and my sweet girl not knowing what happened to me and her missing me so badly, it literally makes me cry at night. Obviously this isn't every night, but I think about this stuff. I get to a point where I just have to shut my mind off from other thoughts and just think of something else or I start to get very anxious.
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For SIDs stuff, my anxiety peaked at around 3 months (when we moved her into her own room and away from us at night) and slowly got better as she got older. I also had lots of anxiety around that time due to her MSPI and other issues. Around 8-10 months, I got anxiety about pumping (every day I felt like I was only just barely pumping enough). By 12 months I realized that many of my anxieties were gone.
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Way past 2. I definitely worry a whole lot less now that she is self sufficient and can tell me what is wrong, what happened and how it happened. I still check on her every night but the constant worry of her not breathing went away around 20+ months. In the first 4 months, I was an anxious maniac.
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I felt a lot better after she turned 2 which is just recently. I was worried about all sorts of things...her sleep, choking on food, falling down when she didn't walk too well etc.. It was endless! Now that she is more verbal and better at following commands, I feel so much better!
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