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I'm not really good with confrontation, but when I have decided that I just can't be friends with someone anymore, I let the relationship fizzle out. I stop calling, and I stop responding to calls (which probably don't come all that often anyways). Your friend knows what she is doing and will, deep inside, know why you are pulling away, if that is what you decide to do. Everyone is different and I'm sure lots of people are going to say, have a chat. I guess that's just not my way.

I stepped away from two friendships after our wedding when I saw just what type of friends they were (weren't)? I ended up getting in a huge argument with one and never spoke to her again. The other I just stopped communicating with and one day I removed her from my Facebook friends (you know - removing someone from FB means you are OFFICIALLY no longer friends).

I wish you luck with this, it's a very difficult and sensitive situation to be in. It also just sucks no matter which way you look at it. Losing a friend is hard, no matter the circumstances.

Its normal for some friendships to drift apart as you grow older and go separate ways and change, however I dont think you need to actually sit down and talk about it. I would just gradually keep my distance more and more, and eventually it would be obvious that the friendship is no longer what it was actions do speak louder than word. Sitting down to talk about it will just stir up drama.

I had a situation kinda similar with a friend. We just never made time for each other and it does start to sting when you invite someone and they keep making excuses. I just told her my feelings were a bit hurt because I felt like ......, and used the 'me' language. She also had a bit of stuff to get off her chest. We kind of accepted how we both were because neither of us could really make different priorities. However, I still usually extend an invitation and so does she and the couple times a year we see each other are fine and good and our friendship has gotten to a better point than where it was when we talked (we were both bridesmaids in each others weddings so we had been very close). It was good to have the talk though I think to make us both get stuff off our chest and I've been fine with our friendship being different since then. But 'me or I' language I think was important instead of making accusations.

I had the same thing happen to me. Friends since kindergarten, but she started being weird during my wedding planning, and we drifted apart. Long story short, I confronted her about it, we had a huge fight, she said she was sorry a few days later, and our friendship is pretty much over. We still see each other on special occasions and are civil.

But if you don't want to see her ever, I would just stop inviting her. She obviously feels the same way if she excluded you from being a bridesmaid.

I have somewhat of a similar situation. I had a falling out with a really good friend of mine, and she ended up becoming good friends with MY best friend. Which is fine, but definitely awkward. We are perfectly civil to each other in real life situations, but she does other really immature things, like unfriend me on Facebook (what are we, in high school?!?!) and trash talk about me with my best friend. Sigh.

I agree with previous posters, no need to burn a bridge. I've noticed that some friendships go in cycles. Someone who may just be a casual friend might become a really close confidant in the future. It happened between me and one of my college friends. We were great friend our freshman year, but didn't really hang out for the rest of college. Two years after graduation, we reconnected and are now great friends again!

@chopsuey119: ditto this. I wouldn't officially "break up" with her, because, hey, you never know-- you might drift back together? And if you don't, it's not a big loss since you're already distant at this point.

I was actually in this very same situation, except I was the friend who was engaged and kind of keeping my bridal party a secret. I had a group of 5 girl friends I had been close to in high school. I was (and am) still close to two of them, and they were bridesmaids. The other three were not, and I had no idea how to tell them that I had decided not to ask them. So I just didn't say anything. Because how awkward would it be to say, "So by the way, you're not a bridesmaid, in case you're wondering"? So you might consider that she's not trying to keep it a secret, per se, but doesn't know how to bring it up with you. And honestly, if you're not that close to her anymore, why do you care either way (not trying to be snarky)?

As for my friendships with the other 3 girls--one of them was totally cool about it, and I'm still not really close with her, I see her about once a year. One was really upset but got over it and I see her once or twice a year. And one of them "broke up with me"--basically told me that she never wanted to see me or talk to me again because of this. I felt really taken aback by it, because for me, to tell someone that I no longer want to be friends with them would only happen if they did something purposely hurtful or malicious. Otherwise, why do that? Why end a relationship? If it fades, it fades, but why take action to cut off ties between yourself and that person. As other posters have said, you never know where your life path will lead.

As for awkwardness when everyone else is invited, I still invite her (because SHE"s the one who cut off ties with me, I have no ill will toward her) and she just chooses not to attend. I don't know why you would have a problem being around this person/inviting her to stuff if there's nothing bad between you two and it's just that you're not close anymore?

Whew, sorry that was a novel I just felt compelled to answer because I was in the same situation, just played a different part!

@plantains: totally agree! How awkward to have that conversation, especially when there is no need. As adults surely everyone involved can see whats going on and just move on. No need for unnecessary drama.

@HabesBabe: yep. exactly! i've wanted to have the talk with one friend in particular, but she's not worth the time. -.- if you only knew all the crap she's pulled on me.

i think we're all grown ups now. we don't need to "break up"... i think the only person we need to break up with is our significant others. but everyone else... "fading friendship" is part of life. i think it's pretty much understood. everyone makes new friendships and old ones - sometimes, we're just not the same people with the same interests.

See, the gradual fade out, in my opinion, is a lot worse than being straight with someone and saying "Look, this isn't working... I think we've run our course." I had a friend who was really close to me, and as soon as I got pregnant, she did the fade out. But when it suited her, she would reply to my occasional emails pretending nothing was wrong. Finally after months of acting like this (including congratulations on the birth of my baby), she sent me a nasty email telling me to bug off after I emailed her to see how things were going with her new baby. If she had been up front and said "This isn't working, we're done" none of that would have happened. It was unfortunate and I kind of feel bad for her, as she has a track record of being like that. But telling someone to bug off because they care to see how you are? Not nice.