...what was most helpful?
My friend has been married 19 years, and her husband had a 6 week affair two years ago. They somewhat recovered, but through a long series of events, they are now losing their home. The added stress is horrible for their relationship and they are talking separation, where he would get primary custody (because they live in a small town, filled with his family, who the daughter adores and my friend agrees that he is the one with the resources and support network right now). It is somewhat amicable but still devastating.
She is losing her marriage, her home and her daughter.
There is no hallmark card for that.
How to help?
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Wow, I'm so sorry. Sending positive thoughts to your friend!
Just having a shoulder to cry on, with no judgment, no advice, etc. was really helpful.
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Omgosh.
I say a bottle of wine, her favorite takeout and ice cream! Girls night!
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Booze and good friends.
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Oh my god. I would recommend just being there for her, checking in regularly, even after the initial "crisis mode" has worn off when life is still hard but people aren't rallying behind you as much.
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my instinct was booze and unconditional friendship, so I am glad to have it confirmed through multiple sources.
@beaker: good point- people drift away as the hard time linger. -
Ugh how difficult. I think setting a regular weekly date is good so it doesn't become yet another appointment to schedule but is just a regular thing to look forward to.
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@beaker: good advice, I think! +1
What a tough time.
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I know her pain too well, booze and friendship.
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Oh my goodness, how awful. Your poor friend.
Another vote her for being there for her and spending lots of time with her. My BFF was a godsend when I was going through a rough time - we had a regular weekly date (Fridays) and did fun stuff every week. Knowing I had every Friday to look forward to made the weeks seem less long and less lonely.
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That's heartbreaking. Just be there as much as you can for her and listen...
I couldn't imagine
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I agree. Just make it really clear to her that you aren't going anywhere. What a rough, rough situation. That would totally be my nightmare.
You are an awesome friend for trying to support her the best you can. I know she will really value that support and love.
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You sound like a good friend. I vote for some kind of regular get together, like maybe dinner. Make sure she eats a good meal with a caring face.
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I appreciate the tips!
And, unfortunately, I wouldn't qualify myself as a great friend. Her world started falling apart right about the time I went on bed-rest for LO, and the next 2 years I was really caught up in being a new mom, job changes, the usual. But I am available now and I am going to make it count! -
@lizzywiz: Just the thought that you're concerned makes you a great friend! Life allows us to change but it's amazing that you want to help your friend through this tough time.
I definitely agree with a little wine and a lot of small things like just thoughtful texts and get togethers.
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I'm so sorry for your friend, that is awful!
When I went through my divorce, the friends who were there to listen when I was having a rough day were the ones who I appreciated the most. I have one friend who would just come over with a bottle of wine and those were the nights that meant the most to me.
My family were the least supportive and I have distanced myself from them as a result.
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@Applesandbananas: Good books that are written specifically to help people going through hard times are always helpful. Bringing her a meal maybe? If you go to church maybe invite her along? Wishing the best for you friend. Such a hard thing..
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16 comments