Hellobee Boards

@dolphin: I think I would say something similar, and help her come up with a script to say next time. Try to talk to her without interjecting your adult take on it (that part is hard). Ask her how she felt in the moment and sympathize, ask her why does she think B would use those words and just listen. Ask her what she could say next time, and emphasize that not everyone wants to play all the time and that's okay, but friends st school should always say so nicely.

Maybe next time we can try, "there's space here for all of us to play together", or "you two can take a turn on the chair and then I'll take a turn".

We do scripts sometimes with my oldest and it's interesting to see her actually try them. We have a lot of playground time so we have a fair amount of interaction with kids where there's friction---you know, another kid not letting anyone else use a slide, or kids saying random mean things or bothering my daughter on a way she doesn't like. She'll actually use some do the scripts we've come up with together, although sometimes I also have to gently step in if it's a kid we don't know and repeat what she says, like "it looks there is enough space on the jungle gym for everyone to play together, okay?", and the the other kid will listen.

I try to make it clear to my son that everyone has their own "thing" and that it's okay not to have everyone in the class be friends. What's not okay is to be mean about it and I am trying to get my son to the point where he doesn't respond with something mean when a child excludes him. It's hard, but it's a necessary life skill.

I think the wording of "go away" is not something I would have brought up unless I was the other kids' parents. Kids don't do polite the same way adults do and in some ways although your dd was upset about actually being rejected, she may have been less upset about the wording than you were. Not only that, but we really can't control what people say or do and she will encounter rude people her whole life. I don't know if I'm explaining what I mean well but I swear I have good intentions in saying this!

My approach would be more to listen, try to validate and understand, and then encourage her to seek other friends and give her some words for that. At 5, just finding someone who likes to play at the same activity might be enough. My oldest is that age and not super social either but that has worked for her.

If she's not yet in elementary then on the bright side she has a clean slate next year. My dd really has blossomed a lot since leaving preschool and entering elementary.