Hellobee Boards

I would acknowledge his feelings, but still stick to your guns. “I know ____ hurt your feelings. It’s ok to feel sad, but I cannot let you have a cookie right now because ___”. I would be consistent with the language you use each time he expresses himself that way.

With my LO who just turned 3, if he has a fit after something like that I say “it’s ok to feel sad/cry/etc. If you would like to do that, you may do that in your room”. He hates being away from us. It validates that he can have those feelings while giving him the choice to continue those feelings privately in his room or he can choose to stop and stay with us. He usually stops because he hates not being with us.

It's a form of manipulation. With DD, she said it once and observed that we were taken aback by it, and proceeded to trot it out at the slightest provocation in the hope that she could defy us or at least weaken our resolve for her not to do something she wanted to do.

We told her that wasn't an acceptable answer when given an instruction, and to stop saying it. When she realized she got zero leeway from us for saying it, and that she'd face consequences if she continued to say it, she stopped. It might vary by kid, but with her, I could definitely tell she was just using it to whine/be dramatic and not as a genuine emotional crisis.

@Hypatia: My nephews were terrible about that. They would use it as a manipulation, and would use it constantly as an attempt to get their way. Now on the rare occasion that it was used correctly, mom & dad addressed it; but usually it was just to get their way about something or to argue a point that was not open for discussion.

My DD has used this line SO MUCH in response to any sort of correction and even as others mentioned, a simple request (like please put away these toys before I will get out X other toy to play with, or no you cannot have more yogurt let's pick another snack to have). She is quick to emotion and will cry/hide at almost ANY sort of discipline or even percieved discipline (please don't sit on the coffee table, remember not to put your open cup on the edge of the table) so it took a lot of reinforcement (still takes) about the idea of being unhappy about something vs. hurt feelings.
We will usually stick to a script of something like "I understand you do not like X but that is the rule/request/options available" or "I hear you that you say your feelings are hurt, we are not saying/doing this to hurt your feelings but need to protect you/guide you."
I've also tried to be consistent in making sure she knows she is in charge of her feelings too - like, she can decide herself in a lot of ways whether something we ask her to do or deny her will upset her or if she will brush it off and accept the other options or do the thing we are asking and then get to play or have a snack or whatever it is. Similar but opposite to the post Mrs. Train recently did on making her kids happy. She's young, but I want her to still know it's up to her in a lot of ways whether something makes her upset or hurts her feelings in some cases.

I just tell my 4yo that I would not be doing my job as a mommy if I let him do xxx.