Hellobee Boards

I get it a lot (and I'm Vietnamese-American, growing up in Little Saigon in OC)-- I usually respond with, "Here." Or many times, I'll get, "What's your nationality?"-- because many people use that word instead of ethnicity-- and I say, "American."

Finally, they'll either ask where my parents were from or what my ethnicity is. I'll answer, but I won't go into any more details or strike up a conversation about it. I get annoyed because it's like a game or people see it as some sort of gimmick. I haven't ben asked in awhile, but if I do, I'll pull a Mrs. Yoyo ("Why do you ask?").

Thing is, hubs does it sometimes (only when he's drunk and only on Vegas to taxi cab drivers for some reason). I've tried telling him people can get offended from him asking, but he doesn't seem to get it (he's "white").

I've been asked where I'm from since I was a teenager. At first it was extremely weird because I'm not racially ambiguous, I'm just a Black girl from Brooklyn

As I got older, I realized it was because of the way I speak, people guessed that I was from California (?), London (??) or the Caribbean (???) because I didn't sound like a "Black girl." "From Brooklyn." I used to be offended/bothered (and this happened in New York City) but I realized it's human nature to want to know/examine something/someone that doesn't fit their norm. I look at it as a way to educate people about how they use stereotypes to define people.

I've asked people where they're from or where they're parents are from, not as an initial "Hi, Nice to meet you" question, but after some conversation or if they hint at it. I don't know, I'm of the mind that it's important to talk about race and I'm always curious about how people identify themselves.

I found your post really interesting. I grew up in rural VA where there really wasn't much cultural diversity. I moved to a bigger city and loved meeting and interacting and learning about different ethnicities and cultures and religions.

Where I grew up, you asked people where they were from and legitimately meant it... people wanted to know what town you were from to see if they knew your parents or family.

The first time I met my husbands best friend, I asked him where he was from. I knew he was Asian, but he had the most adorable Southern accent that I wasn't accustomed to hearing much any more since I moved to the city. I asked him where he was from and his response was "I'm half-Asian, GOSH", and stormed off. I FELT AWFUL! I found him later at the party and explained I liked his accent... I would never ask someone that meaning what ethnicity they are. Learned my lesson and now ask where they grew up if I want to know where they are from or (only if I am a close friend, not a random person), where they grew up and what their background is.

I just think that is is interesting and I love learning. I think that's why I love WeddingBee and now HelloBee so much, I learn a lot about other cultures that I have never been exposed to before!!

I always enjoy bringing up the fact that - while I am 100% hispanic, my ancestors have been in America longer than my husbands all white family:)

I keep it simple. "I was born here in America, but my parents immigrated from Korea before I was born." Sometimes I add "I've never been there myself."

I get it all the time as well. I grew up in a town that had 3 or 4 asian families total. We now live in a town that has probably less than 10 asian families. It doesn't bother me at all, probably because of where I was brought up.

I personally kind of enjoy having a cultural heritage outside of being just "American". My dad's parents both emigrated from Greece so Dad is 100% Greek and is first generation. Our family weddings have a lot of Greek influences, and we make Greek food a lot, celebrate Greek Easter, etc. I think sometimes it bums my mom out that my brother and I identify more with our Greek side then with her side. But she's just a big old mix of white European and truly is just American at this point. Her family has been in America since before it was really America (for real, one of my ancestors signed the declaration of independence)! I always find people's heritage to be really interesting! But I do my best to ask about it in non offensive ways, and usually only when it's already been raised in conversation.

@Mrs. Yoyo: I once got asked on an airplane (when I was about 8 or 9, and after I said I was Vietnamese) if my mom worked in a nail salon.

@duckduckkristen: This is actually another subgroup-- Vietnamese people who didn't grow up in Vietnam-- native Vietnamese don't consider them to be Vietnamese. My mom and I experienced this when we went to Vietnam when I was in high school. My mom grew up there, lived there until her early 30s (until the Fall of Saigon), and they still didn't consider her to be "Vietnamese" anymore. There's a VNmese term for it, but I forgot what it was.

@duckduckkristen: YES! hahaha. I should've just Googled it. It was the best when the little ladies measuring my mom and I for ao dais were talking smack about us in Vietnamese as if we didn't understand-- they knew we spoke/understood it, but I don't think they cared.

I think this will happen with my sister. She is only six but my mum has mentioned that an older woman asked her (my sister) where she was from...she responsed from her birth mother's tummy and the town she lives in. They live in a non-diverse area. I've gotten asked where she's from before, I just say America and if they're still curious that she is Cambodian. I don't think it has been said in an offensive manner, more so people just being curious but again she is only six. As a side note she has been big into skin color lately and not so happy to acknowledge that she is Asian, not sure where it came from but hopefully she outgrows it and becomes proud!

I understand why other people may feel offended by the question but I'm not offended personally. When people ask me where I'm from, I usually respond with, "What do you mean? city, country, ethnicity?" Although I live in a pretty diverse city so I don't get asked much anymore.

@Modern Daisy: hubs and I get this every now and then we decided it's because we're young and so they don't expect us to be big spenders.

I like to find out as much about people I am spending time with or friends I am spending time with as possible. I won't come out and say, where are you from if it is someone I just met. I do want to know more about you if we're spending time together. I usually ask people where they are from and expect an answer like Ohio or Florida. If I want to know what someone's ethnicity is, I'll either wait until it comes up somehow or wait until we're closer friends to ask. That being said, if someone is speaking another language fluently, I will mention how great it must be to be bilingual and might see how they learned their languages.

I can understand the same exact question gets so old, though. I don't think it's polite to ask someone where they are from if you don't really know them.

If I ask, it's usually much later in the conversation and I usually ask "what's your heritage?", which sound more respectful in my mind, and like you said, doesn't imply any sort of "un-Americanness".
Or sometimes I really like someone's look and think they're beautiful, so I will ask, " oh I love you hair/eyes/etc, what is your heritage?" and everyone is always flattered when it's phrased that way.

Also, I can relate to "needing" to dress nicely... not for race, but for age. I know that it's supposed to be nice to look young, but I'm in the camp of having to avoid hoodies, sweatshirts and non-form-fitting t-shirts to avoid being viewed as a teen and treated accordingly.

@mrbee: You hit the nail on the head. I equally hate that as much as the "Where are you from" question. It's very annoying and awkard. My response usually is, "um yeah..."

@Mr Bee, yeap!!! I got a ton of 'Konichiwa!' in Europe!!!!! Thankfully such incidences are rare in the Bay Area.

@jos1e267: I'm from the Bay Area, too, and I know that people here don't ask these things very often. That's why I know that when they ask me, it's out of genuine curiosity/confusion, so I'm not offended.