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This is where a doula would come in perfectly

@aprk: Agree!

Can you put mom in charge of staying at your house and being there just in case you need her at the hospital?

Not to go worst case scenario on you but my cousin was in the same boat you were she didnt want anyone even knowing she was going into labor esp since she worked at the hospital she was giving birth in. Her labor ended up getting scary and she needed an emergency C-section. Her fiance called her parents. Even though working as a nurse she knew she would be fine but she said it was very reassuring to have her parents there and to see them before going into the OR. he made the right call.

@septemberlove: are you anxious about having a "stranger" in the room? Often times the doulas are there to support the husband/partner so they can better support the mom. Remember, even though their part isn't physical, it's still a big, emotional day for them too!

HIRE A DOULA!!!!

I'm in the same boat, except I did not want my mother in the delivery room (or near it). My MIL will be in the waiting room (and staying firmly there for awhile). DH was stressing about shouldering all the birth coach responsibility and being comforting enough for me. It just freaked him out. I said we could hire someone ($400 in our area) and he was like OMG YES PLEASE LET'S DO THAT.

Let me tell you, i have almost no anxiety about having birth and neither does DH. Both of us feel like so much of what we'd be stressing about during labor is just....not an issue now, because that is what we are paying the doula to remember. It's so nice. Contractions will suck and I think it's nice to not have to expect my husband to remember all the comfort techniques. He can just focus on being there for me whereas the doula can say, "try this, try that' and if one of them doesn't work, she has lots of ideas up her sleeve. Whereas DH would probably only have a small amount.

It ultimately WON'T just be you and him anyways. You'll have nurses and drs in there. A doula is just another professional whose job is NOT to interfere with the whole bonding experience/etc. Her job is to help facilitate it. I DO plan on getting an epidural, but having an extra hand to help turn me around and whatnot is going to be really helpful.

Every time we meet with our doula in our pre-natal meetings, I just feel more and more confident about this decision, and so does DH.

eta: i guess I don't see her as a stranger, so much as a professional.

as far as your mom goes...i'ts ultimately up to you and DH. It's not her experience

Both our parents were in the lobby (coudln't keep the mom's away as they knew I was being induced.) i was fine with this, they were both okay with not being in the delivery room, I told my mom I would let her know if i wanted her. I was okay, but the nurse actually asked if it was okay for my mom to come in and help hold my leg, and I said fine (this was 2 hours into pushing.) This was not what I orginially wanted but at that point anything to help me get my child into the world!

@septemberlove: When are you due? It might be helpful for you to take a Bradley Method class or read through the Bradley books together. They teach a husband-coached childbirth method. It really teaches your husband to be a great support person! We aren't following Bradley to a T, but reading the books has made my husband so much more confident about the process, and has made me more confident in return.

@septemberlove: ultimately you have to be comfortable, so that you can focus on the labor and delivery. Whatever you choose, I hope your support team (mom, husband, etc) will support that. Best wishes!

I had DH & my mom stay with me overnight while I labored... (our room was the L&D room as well).

My mom got me through the worst of the contractions before epi; DH was my champ coach through pushing - I kicked my mom out during pushing (2 hours) because she started crying when she saw me in pain.

@septemberlove: I think your husband will be fine. Maybe have your mom at the house so if he feels like he needs someone in the moment, he'll have someone if he really needs someone there. If you're planning an epidural, you may be resting/sleeping until they tell you to push. There's not much for DH to do. It won't be like the crazy labors they show in movies. Nurses are helpful. They'll hold your legs and tell you when to push. DH can stand behind you, if you like. I didn't want anyone else there either.