We are expecting our first child in October and realized we need to put together a will. I think the most cost effective way will be to add on the lawyer benefit my husband's office offers and do it first thing next year when the benefit starts.
Is there anything we can do to minimize our risk between now and then, just in case?
What things should we be thinking about and getting in order before seeing the lawyer?
What should we do besides a will? Living will?
Thanks!
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
We did something similar, we have a legal plan through our employers.
It's helpful if you know who you'll name as your trustee/executors, etc before you go to the appointment.
grapefruit / 4649 posts
@looch: Thanks! I think we decided on guardians but we haven't discussed executor or trustee. I feel horribly guilty about it but I think the most rational options has us picking all people from my husband's side. I hate the idea of people being hurt on my side but they simply aren't the right choice right now.
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts
I wouldnt want to be without one once baby comes. You can do a basic one with inexpensive forms online for the interim. If, god forbid, something happens on the meantime and you dont have anything legal written out, i would be afraid about where the baby would end up. But we had pretty distinct ideas about who we would and wouldnt want having guardinship....
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
We just met with a lawyer on Friday to put ours together. We are going to do a will, complete with a trust. This way nothing goes into/gets tied up in probate. DH had to deal with that when his Mom died and said that he will not do that to me or R (or her guardian). The lawyer is setting up the will, trust, living will, and guardian. We picked out when R would get the money from the trust, besides for say college, wedding, etc. Not getting one lump payment. He will file everything for us. Any changes we need to make, we just have to email him and he will update over the years.
grapefruit / 4649 posts
@Mrs. Lion: thanks, I will look into doing a quick online version for the interim, I wish we had planned ahead a bit better and did the legal plan through work last year. The idea of paying a ton more for a few months difference though is hard to swallow at the moment.
@Smurfette: Thanks, that's really helpful. It is nice to know that we can email in any changes too, I assume there is a cost associated with that but it helps to know we don't need to have a perfect situation set up immediately, just the best option for now.
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
@Cole: Yes, it was the more expensive package. But it takes care of everything and down the road will save time and money from adding on things.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
We decided that LO's guardians would be DH's side, but my parents would be the executor/trustee. That way there would be some check and balance with the money with both sides of the family and communication between the two.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
@Cole: Call me crazy, but I would not be that worried for the period October until January. Just make the appointment to go in as soon as your coverage is available. Have all your ducks in a row with trustee, executor, guardians, decision makers for healthcare, what happens in an event of a common disaster (all three of you perish at once).
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts
@Cole: maybe you could just write out your general wishes and have it notarized, and give a copy to each set of parents and the person you have chosen as guardian, just in case? That would be a whole lot cheaper. Im sure it would be assumed that in the case of something happening to both parents in the absence of a will the estate would be left ot the child. But i dont really know....
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
@Cole: Your family doesn't need to know what your wishes are. Our guardian (my sister) and my parents are the only ones that know that decision. We told my parents only so we had another word of mouth till it was officially filed. My brother&SIL and DH sister&BIL will be upset if they find out. Hopefully no one ever has to find out.
grapefruit / 4649 posts
Thanks everyone, I appreciate all of the guidance. It gives us a lot to mull over and figure out. I really like having my ducks in row so it is helpful to know how this has worked for others.
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts
I know everyone handles these things differently, but Im not sure i agree with @Smurfette about family knowing...i wouldn't want there to be any question about our wishes. My understanding is that the guardian listed in the will is not a guarantee, and that if someone contests it a judge makes the final decision. I don't want a court custody battle when my kids are dealing with the loss of their parents....i want everyone to know where we stand while we are still here to explain, answer questions, or let people get over the shock and/or disappointment of our decision. Just another perspective....
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
@Mrs. Lion: How is that not a guarantee? I think unless someone can prove that the guardian isn't a good fit, what you have set up should be it.
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts
@Smurfette: thats what i thought too, but a lawyer bee on another past thread said that isn't the case, and that if someone contests it that the parents wishes weigh heavily but its not a guarantee. I just don't want anyone to even consider contesting it...and i figure if they know now that decreases the chances? Gah, i hate thinking about this stuff. So scary and sad 
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
@Mrs. Lion: Interesting. I will have to ask our lawyer about that. I can't see anyone contesting it, but they will have their feelings hurt. If DH's sister asks us we would tell her but DH knows she will be upset so we aren't going there.
It makes me so sad to think about. I hated spending 2 hours last Friday talking about all the what if situations you have to prepare for.
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts
@Smurfette: its so hard i hate being a grown up sometimes
pomegranate / 3401 posts
Question...this is definitely something DH and I need to do....if you want to go about the lawyer route, what is the best way to go about finding a reputable lawyer in your area? Is there a directory somewhere? Thanks!
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
@Ginabean3: We found ours through our financial adviser. One he recommends to all his clients and uses himself.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
@Mrs. Lion: Well, our attorney told us that in our state, it is possible for the judge to make different arrangements than what is stated in the wills. Let's say for example your kid is in high school, and you originally said that you wanted to send them to a guardian out of state. Your kid's best friend's parents could come forward as an option for guardians, and sometimes, the judge will could decide it is a good option and let the friends parent's be guardians. I hope that made some sense, lol.
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts
@looch: Yep that makes sense. It just scares me haha 
scares me less with a high schooler than with an infant though. 
grapefruit / 4649 posts
The scenarios for contesting it make sense and I think we will revisit our decision every few years but I don't think anyone will ever contest our particular situation and a judge would tell them they were crazy anyway so I am going to choose not to borrow that variety of trouble. I think if we picked any of our other options it could come up but both on paper and in real life the guardians we have selected would be hard to overturn unless something were to go dramatically wrong.
Can we name a back up person though in case something does change and they can't or don't want to be guardians? It would take a lot but I would feel better knowing that my mom and on laws wouldn't be duking it out if the couple we picked weren't able to take our kids.
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts
@Cole: yes, you can name a back up. We also were able to put in a statement which indicated to our parents that our wish is for them to continue the role of grandparents in our children's lives and not take on the role of parent. We didn't want that either.
kiwi / 673 posts
@Cole: So I know I'm late to answer this, but you might want to google handwritten will for your state. I know each state has different laws on them. You may not be able to use a legal zoom type form because it has to be completely handwritten. Notarizing might not be sufficient either. You may still need witnesses (again depending on state). My grandmother's wasn't valid because it was on that type of form. It worked out fine, but it was stressful for my mom to figure things out.
grapefruit / 4649 posts
@Mrs. Lion: That's exactly our hope, we really don't want our parents to have to parent our children and we have plenty of siblings and cousins who can fill that roll if needed. I will discuss with my husband the options for a back up.
@Hoots: Thanks! I literally didn't even know what to Google and that was helpful. It actually looks like my state has fairly lax rules about hand written wills which is nice. We are still going to get everything drawn up prop properly but in the mean time we can do something that meets the law here and at least ensure guardianship for the most part.
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
@Smurfette: what kind of lawyer would I search for? Family?
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
@regberadaisy: we found ours through our financial planner. But he only does estate planning.
grape / 84 posts
@Cole I think you are in my state, and, if so, we have something called a statutory will. It is available online for free and is a print and fill out sort of thing. You and your husband would both need one, but you could name a guardian and cover your bases until you do your formal estate planning. Michigan also has a standardized form for living wills/advanced directives. You will at some point probably want to have DPOAs drawn up and there is not a state form for that. I am also an estate planning attorney in a different part of the state and could recommend a lawyer in the Detroit area if you wanted a recommendation.
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