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When DD was having trouble letting the pee go, I used a syringe (like for children’s Tylenol) and filled it with warm water. Squirting water on her genitals made it pretty much impossible for her to hold the pee in, I think. So you might try that, and hope poop comes with it. We squirted water off and on for about a month, until she was so used to going to the potty and doing her business that it wasn’t necessary.

She didn’t go through poop fear, but maybe you could try emptying out his diapers into the potty, with him watching, reminding him that this is where poop goes. And mention that if he puts the poop in the potty himself by sitting on the potty, he gets a special treat. I’d make the bribe something he’d absolutely love and would want to work for, them say subsequent poops get a smaller but nice reward (lollipops, etc).

I’d also be sure to model the behavior you want to see—you and your husband take turns showing him that pooping in the potty is normal. Start by theatrically saying that you think you have to poop (even describe the feeling), then ask him where you should put the poop (the potty), then have him watch as you expressively go sit and grunt and wipe then admire your work (ha), and flush. Over and over so that he gets to the point where he anticipates what you’re going to do next, etc. Maybe you’ve already done that, but I thought I’d mention it just in case.

Have you read the Oh Crap Potty Training book? She talks a lot about the different stages he has to master to successfully use the potty and how to make him more aware and comfortable with what’s happening.

If he continues to scream next time you try potty training, I would honestly act like I didn’t hear it at all and try to be completely unphased by it. I’d speak calmly and go about my business. His bladder isn’t going to burst or anything, if he waits to poop, that’s something that will resolve itself in time. If he is TRYING to let go but can’t I’d use the syringe of water to help him along, but if he’s just freaking out and not seriously trying to use the potty I’d let him be until he decides the screaming is done.

My daughter has been stuck in limbo with not pooping on the potty or in pull-ups before, and she has gone through spells of refusing to pee on the toilet - it's a rough place to be.

Short story: The biggest thing that helped us was just backing off of potty training until she was really ready. She was ready physically from the time she was about two and a half (staying dry for long stretches during the day/overnight, telling me when she was going/needed to go), long before she was actually ready (more recently around three and a half).

Longer story: For her, refusing to pee was totally a control thing. If we suggested she should even try going potty, she dug her heels in harder that she wouldn't. We backed off of potty training for a while each time it started to turn into a power struggle. We still casually offered the potty at regular times like morning, before nap, before bed, etc. but were just like, "If you go, good for you for taking care of it. If not, okay, let's get a new pull-up." and acted like we just did not care at all. One day a few weeks ago, she found her underwear buried in a dresser drawer and told me she was ready to wear it and go potty. We've only had one or two pee accidents since then, and it's only been when she's seriously distracted or doing something out of the ordinary and just didn't think to take a break. I think if she'd been a more go-with-the-flow or cooperative kid, it wouldn't have taken nearly as long or she would have responded quicker to some of our early attempts to put her in underwear. But she's super headstrong, and it's another thing she had to come to on her own.

Her issues with not wanting to poop on the potty or in her pull-up were trickier. She does struggle with constipation issues though, and struggled to poop in her diaper long before we ever started trying to potty train last fall. In retrospect, we should have pushed off any potty training until we had the constipation stuff more under control. However, even after we got it a bit better under control, we still went through bouts of her having major anxiety about where her poop would go. It's like she knew the goal was the potty, so on some level, she wanted to go there...but she was worried it wouldn't be easy to make happen, so she'd resist. But then she didn't want to go in her pull-up either. It was really hard to be stuck in that in-between place.

It was a process...but I think what helped was that we backed off of any suggestions about where she went, and she had one or two successful times going on the potty without any pressure around the situation. Something clicked after that and she felt confident in it when she was really in the driver's seat for when she'd try going. The first time caught me by surprise just before she turned three - she was in the bathtub and suddenly announced she needed to poop and was able to go on the potty. A few days later, she actually ran to the bathroom herself and went on her own - she came out declaring that now she could go poop all on her own. She would regularly poop on the potty from that point on, long before she'd consistently pee there.

One suggestion our pediatrician gave for helping kids get used to pooping on the potty or priming them to make it easier was to blow bubbles or blow through straws while sitting on the toilet, particularly if it's around a time of day that you think they might need to go. We never had much luck with that because my daughter never went consistently, but thought I'd throw it out there in case it helps.