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@hilsy85: I am the person in my house who has high sleep needs, and issues with insomnia and a host of other sleep issues. However. I am a mom. And while yes, when my insomnia gets very very bad, my husband might take over a give me 1 (only 1) entire night to catch up, or sleep in....and the rest of the time, I function on very little sleep.

I had a similar problem when LO2 was first born. My husband and I agreed that since I am BFing, and therefore doing the wakeups for LO2, that DH would wake up with LO 1 and entertain her until he goes to work each morning at 8am. Except my husband DOES also dress LO1 and make her breakfast. But he also started turning on the tv for her every morning so he could shower and get himself ready for work. And we butted heads on that beause when LO1 has TV first thing, she starts tantrumming for screen time the rest of the day and it was causing a big problem for me when he would leave every morning and I was left with a tantrumming toddler who wanted to watch tv for the rest of the day.

We had a big heart to heart about our shared parenting goals and distributing parenting equally. And basically, DH thought that our toddler wouldn't allow him to get ready for work if he didn't use the TV--and I asked him to give it a trial week. I pointed out that I get ready every single day, with TWO girls at home, and I don't turn on the tv.

So he agreed to try for a week---and he did it! Successfully....he just learned other methods for entertaining her. Now, he wakes up and puts her on the potty, then brings her to the living room and dumps out some blocks and then he goes and showers and she's totally fine.

It would annoy me because that's often the only time he sees my son during the day. He gets up with him from about 6:30-7:30 as well and sometimes sees him a half hour after work, but not always. He was on the phone a lot during that hour in he morning and I did say something. Nicely and gently I said something along the lines of "you don't spend a lot of time with him and you're using it to be on your phone, when you're on your phone or computer all day. You should play with him more." My husband doesn't like criticism but took it surprisingly well and now spends a lot more time interacting.
I would use that argument, not that it's lazy or that you can't use TV as much. He may be more defensive.
If he still just puts on the TV and sleeps, then I might be more direct.

@Anagram: I agree with your strategy, if your LO knows that TV isn't an option he will find something else to entertain himself with!

@hilsy85: Could your DH maybe try an audio book or music for your wee guy? or maybe setting out a quiet activity the night before so your LO has a surprise every morning?

@Mrs. Sketchbook: I don't think you should "let it go" by doing the work and getting resentful about it. That's not what I meant. I guess it's more letting go of the idea DH will do thing just like me. We are different people and he'll parent differently than I do. Doesn't always mean it's wrong. I would spend more effort getting mad about it. On the big issues we are on the same page, which matters most to me.

No, but my husband and I specifically make this choice. We both absolutely hate having to wake up quickly and start being really interactive immediately afterwards, so pretty early on we instituted an hour of tv in the morning. She sometimes get a little more in the evenings, but that morning hour is the one that really works for our family. I feel absolutely rotten if I don't get a little time to wake up slowly, and this is perfect. My husband does what yours does and just naps on the couch with her. It's quite nice.

I don't think an extra hour of screen time is going to make or break anything. Your DHs sleep is probably more necessary for his well being than the hour of TV will be a detriment to your kids well-being.

More so than anything else dh knows and agrees with how I feel about tv first thing in the am so this would def not be ok w me.

He also realizes he has every luxury w getting ready for work wo rushing because I wah and/or my mom helps me with most mornings preschool drop off. He would def have to (and obliges) entertaining/playing w ds for an hour in the morning. We are night owls, but thankfully the kids sttn and we get 5-7 hours at night. So my dh has no excuse.

A lot of interesting assumptions in this thread about sleep needs, spending time, whether or not it is 'nice' of this husband to get up early or if it's just his job as a father.

I too have a husband who has a very nocturnal sleeping schedule - he would not voluntarily go to bed before 1 am, and getting up before 9 is really hard for him. And then it takes him quite a while to feel awake, especially if he's been awake with the baby during the night. Being awake and on and ready to entertain a child at 6:30 would not 'become second nature' to him if he just tried harder, it would continue to be something that made him miserable and resentful. It's very easy to write off people with different sleep needs as lazy people who should just try harder, but that's actually blatantly false.

Another big issue here is the lack of agreement on screen time. Is it an hour a day or is it more? If I only allowed my daughter an hour in the day, I'd want to save it for the hard parts when I was home all day with her too.

That's tough...on one hand I am jealous bc my DH doesn't offer to get up early so I can sleep in, but on the other hand I know that my control freak self would be pissed if DH did get up and turn the TV on instead of just playing with LO. My DH is also anight owl though and I am a morning person, so I generally do not mind getting up with DD but it sure would be nice if he offered!! There are just certain things that I have a hard time relinquishing control of, and TV in the mornings is one of them. I would just be honest with him and ask him nicely if he could just try not to use the TV and maybe just lay on the couch and have also read him books while he rests?

@hilsy85: I guess the way I would try to look at it is- is it affecting DSs behavior? Or have you not noticed a change? If it is affecting his mood, he's tantruming more, etc than I would be more likely to say something, but if it isn't affecting his mood than I would think more sleep might be worth it, if that makes sense

It would totally bother me! But my husband doesn't have the sleep issues that yours does so for our family, it would just be a matter of DH being a lazy parent! We limit screen time significantly (I'd prefer them to have none at all but probably every other day they get 30 mins or so) and I have actually had this argument with my husband when he has done that exact thing, so he knows better now, haha.
In your case, it sounds like there needs to be some shuffling of responsibilities. I totally agree that your DH is not 'doing you a favor' by getting up with your son but just doing his fair share of parenting! How old is your daughter? Maybe you could talk to him and put a finite time line on the tv in the morning, bc I know a new baby is hard on everyone so now might not be the best time to freak out about screen time but if you know there's an end to this in sight, it might make it more palatable.

I thought about this some more, and here's my thought: if I were in his shoes, I think I would get mad that you "get" the screen time hour at your disposal, and I wouldn't. If I were in your shoes, I would be mad that he "wasted" the screen time hour without even getting LO dressed or feeding him breakfast. Are you totally opposed to more screen time? Could you compromise and ask if he could at least give LO breakfast and/or get him dressed during that time?

I guess that in the grand scheme of things, if I needed to use the screen later, I would, even if he had it in the morning. But I don't think I'm as strict on this as many seem to be, even though we really don't use it that much.

Yes this would bother me but I am in the camp that believes in limited screen time and I see adverse effects on LO's behavior pretty much immediately. Thankfully my DH agrees but that is after I suggested we research the matter and came to the conclusion together. I also like the suggestion of moving bedtime back, but when we did this it took several months for it to stick, so not an immediate solution.

@hilsy85: this is just my blunt opinion so feel free to disregard but anytime after 0600 is "morning" in our household and part of being a parent is sucking it up and dealing with it! To a certain extent, I think too much TV is lazy parenting, particularly if screen time is one of the things you care about, and yeah, I'd be annoyed if my husband did this every morning.

@hilsy85: I would talk about general screen time suggestions. Maybe not totally block tv but ask that it's limited to 30 minutes or at least an educational show.

So my dd tends to get out of bed the second her eyes open and she's usually not too happy first thing in the morning, so I usually stick the tv on, we're both happier for it. So for me it's a little hard to blame your husband. On the other hand I don't call this "extra" sleep, when you're getting up with the newborn I just call this "sleep." We take shifts too and nobody's sleep time is more important than the other (although my shift is longer but that's not important here.! So if it's his time he needs to prepare for it to maybe take some energy. I get that it might go against his natural tendencies but that is life and parenting while they are very little and especially with a newborn in the house. Regarding sleep needs and night owls... I don't mean for this to sound...braggy or preachy? but I have a husband who works a job where hours can change and he sometimes works 18 or so hours straight. He has to sleep during the day sometimes and the night sometimes and half/half sometimes. He's had to work overnight then attend an overtime thing during the day and go back to work overnight again. So in full honesty I have a hard time worrying about someone's one hour of sleep on the couch when they could choose to sleep earlier and try to get on a different schedule. The last thought I have is even if your husband is too tired to play with lo couldn't lo play independently near him?