Long story short DH is in another state with his best friend getting my IL's new house ready for them to move into. His friend loves strip clubs and regularly goes out to drink. I last spoke to DH at 7pm his time and he said he was going to grab something to eat with his friend. I'm home by myself with 4 kids while he is away. I don't sleep well when he is gone and he knows I've had a really stressful day. We always talk before bed while he is away. It's now 11pm his time and I haven't heard anything from him. I'm annoyed. Would this bother you?
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Yes, it would definitely bother me. That's a horrible feeling- I'm sorry
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Are you annoyed because he hasn't called. Or annoyed because you're afraid he's at a strip club?
It's entirely possible after a full day working at the house after food and likely a beer or two he conked out.
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He's probably not at a strip club. And, he's probably just enjoying some time with his friend. This isn't an all the time thing, right?
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@CraftyMom13: do you think he is at the strip club?
I would be worried about his safety but I would not think he was doing anything wrong.
Maybe they crashed after working on house renovations all day? -
@locavore_mama: The strip club part is what's bothering me. I'm currently dealing with a ton self esteem issues. He's not a beer conck out kind of guy
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I put other... I'd be annoyed about no text/call, but not really worried he would be at a strip club (because I know he would say no).
I always worry about his safety first when I don't hear from DH when he is out of town. Mostly because I am a worry wart. But when I do talk to him it's always his phone died/he forgot it/he fell asleep.
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Yes, but only because I was alone which always gets my gears turning and jealous that he was getting to spend some quality time with friends and being an adult without kids to chase after
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@CraftyMom13: have faith in yourself, your husband and your marriage. Try not to drive yourself crazy speculating all night. Call him in the morning. I know it's easier said than done.
Working at a house all day takes A lot out of someone.
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@Dandelion: Before we met and married he was a hug play boy. So much so that the first and only time I went to a strip club with him they knew him by name and even had a nick name for him. He's gone a few times in the years we've been together but he knows it bothers me so it's rare.
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@locavore_mama: I'm really trying not to let it get to me and then it does. I fully trust him but just the thought of him in the strip club bothers me.
@DillonLion: I think this is what I'm feeling. He only has to really work 2 days while he is there and the other 2 days he is pretty much free to do whatever he wants with his friend. I'm jealous of his mancation -
Yes and no it would bother because after having a long day I would be annoyed that he hasn't called yet especially if he knows I don't sleep well without talking to him but no because he'll most likely call before bed
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Now? No, not really. DH was in the military and frequently left for 1-4 weeks at a time. I think I just got used to it and I trust him enough to know he's not going to do something I don't like (our joking rules are "no drugs, no hookers". Realistically, he knows I'm okay with him having a few drinks and maybe going to a strip club, but I'm not kosher with contact or lap dances.)
3-4 years ago, I would have flipped out. At this point, we've been together for 8 years. I know what he gets up to.
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I voted other. He probably has a legit reason not to call or text yet. In my case, I watch little one all day. My phone is always on silent mode so I can't get to my calls or text right away but I always try to respond within the hour. When he does call, be calm and hear him out. The worst feeling is being innocent but labeled as guilty.
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Yes and no. Id be annoyed that he hasn't called yet. But I wouldn't be annoyed about the strip club pit stop on his pseudo boys night. We've been together nearly a decade. Not much bothers me anymore and know DH and his actions well enough to put my own reasoning together why the call hasn't been made yet. He likely would've texted me at the very least. Id veg out and go to sleep!
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The strip club part wouldn't bother me. They don't want my man, they don't want your man - they want some cash and that's it. I might think it was odd if my husband said he would call at a certain time and didn't, because that would be out of character for him. That said, it's happened before on rare occasion and I let it go; so I guess it wouldn't/doesn't really bother me. Everyone deserves a night off, especially when they are with friends. I would just set yourself up some time off when he gets back. Fair is fair!!
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Yes but as @dillonlion said it'd be because if have four kids to chase while he was out forgetting to call!
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It would bother me but I would know that getting all annoyed would probably be unfair to him. So I said other.
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I voted yes because it would bother me.... but it would bother me because I was home with the kids, stressed and grumpy while he has a lovely time with his friend. I would kinda know that it's unreasonable to be bothered for that reason - but it doesn't mean I wouldn't be!!
As for the strip club bit, nah, that wouldn't bother me. I'd think it was kinda sad but I wouldn't be upset and I certainly wouldn't be stressing about it. But I WOULD be majorly jealous that he was having fun with his friend while I slaved away, solo parenting. If I have to miserable, so does he - them's the rules!!
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Why don't you just ring him?
I would only be annoyed if I tried to ring him and he didn't answer, otherwise I'm sure he is just having fun with his friend.
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I think I would only be upset if he said he would call by a certain and hasn't. There have definitely been times DH has had guy weekends (or work conferences he has to travel for) and we didn't talk before bed. It kinda sucks but we usually talk the next day.
I don't really care about strip clubs...DH has gone to one a couple times (but only for bachelor parties, he's not really a strip club kind of guy). I guess I just don't find them threatening, not sure why. I think I would be more jealous of the weekend out without kids while I stay home with them.
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If he hadn't called all day it would bother me, or like @debbiei8: said, if he promised to call before a certain time and didn't. But if I were in his shoes and I talked to you at 7PM, I don't think I would feel it was necessary to call again that night. Let's cut the guy some slack, you just talked to him 4 hours ago and you're upset about not getting a phone call. I think you're really just jealous of his vacation like you said, which is understandable but not really fair...I'd try to just let it go.
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Don't feel bad! My husband once went on a FIVE DAY bachelor party and didn't call me the entire time he was gone!!!!
One night, I wouldn't be bothered by. And the strip club wouldn't bother me either. If I really wanted to talk to him before bed, I'd just call him.
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Why wouldn't you just call/text him?
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The strip club doesn't bother me, but the not calling would. We also have a call before bed rule. It's not hard to step out for 5 min to call me.
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It wouldn't bother me but like @mrsjyw: we've been together over 10 years and the whole boys night strip club thing doesn't phase me. I always joke that if he was leaving he'd be gone by now. Lol!
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Considering your last posts about your husband, yeah, it would be an issue
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It would bother me. All that matters is if it bothers you and it does. It really doesn't take that much effort or time to call you. I hope it gets resolved soon!
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Strip clubs are a no no in our relationship for anything other than bachelor parties & then lap dances are a no no. If there's something that's been agreed upon & he didn't fulfill his agreement, calling to check in at a certain time when he knows you're up waiting or going to a strip club when you've agreed that it's not something you guys want in your relationship, but if it's not something that's been discussed I wouldn't hold it against him.
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@CraftyMom13: hope you've heard from him and he's safe and sound!
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I agree with @blackbird: and I hope you've heard from him.
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Me personally? No. When my husband is "with his boys" we dont talk often. If he had called me at 7 i would figure he was probably going out and then would go straight to bed whenever he got back. I also dont really care where my husband goes out or what he does.
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It wouldn't bother me...but since it bothers you I think you should call him!
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I wouldn't be upset by that situation, since we'd already talked. My husband regularly goes away for multiple days for work (or play!) and we talk once a day. If we'd already talked, I wouldn't expect another call. I also don't care about strip clubs. You said you trust him, so you need probably need to working on letting that go.
But, between this and your previous post, I think you need to start expressing yourself more to him. If you're jealous of his man-cation, tell him. It doesn't mean he has to feel guilty or not go have fun, but resentment over those things boil over into other areas of life. It's not fair to either of you to not let him know when you're upset or need more support from him.
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Like others said, I'd just be annoyed he got to go out while I was stressed with the kids.
I wouldn't wait for him to call, I'd just call him and say goodnight. If he didn't answer I'd send a text. You don't know he's at a step club, so try not to jump to conclusions.
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In my relationship it wouldn't bother me, simply because DH hardly goes out with just the guys and I trust him. I hope you were able to take to your DH.
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i wouldn't be annoyed until i was ready to go to bed myself and texted him to say goodnight and heard nothing in response within the hour - then i would be annoyed and eventually worried.
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I could care less about the strip club but since he hadn't called I would be annoyed.
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Does he know your expectations about strip clubs and late nights and when to call home? Does he know how resentful you feel when he's out playing and you're home with the kids? Did you guys clear the air after last week's disappointment?
I would be bothered because DH and I have very clearly discussed my feelings about certain of his friends who are like this one you describe, about extramarital erotic outlets, and about how often I need him to check in when he's in situations like this so my imagination doesn't run away with me. It would be a clear violation if he did this to me, but it may not be so clear unless you have really laid it down for him before.
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In a word, yes. Expectations are clear in our marriage. Strip clubs are never, ever okay. Ever. And they will never be okay. You don't know that he went, but it sounds like you think it was likely. The fact that you're asking the internet about it makes me believe you think it's likely. Also, the rule when either DH or I are away is that we at least text before bed, or before the other person's normal bedtime. It's not a big deal if we only talk once a day, I tend to imagine worst case, life threatening scenarios when I don't hear from DH before bed.
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