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Also maybe she wasn't really hinting and just wanted to vent. Like today I had to take both kids to a five hour doctor appointment and there wasn't anyone who could help me out, friends or DH or family. So I didn't mention it to anyone because I didn't want them to think I was hinting. Maybe she just wanted to talk about it?
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@PrincessBaby: That could be an option for her. I'm sure she can figure something out. She's probably hinting at me, because she figures I'm the easiest solution. But I think she's underestimating how much work it would be. And like you said, friends aren't the same as family. Just because her mom or MIL like to spend all day watching her son doesn't mean I do.
@yoursilverlining: I agree. I think for her it's just about the convenience of bringing him to someone she knows and trusts versus having to find a daycare at the last minute.
@jedeve: Our toddlers are about 18 months old, so still very needy! Her husband is out of town that week, so he can't drop him off. That 5am drop off is much earlier than I would like. My own son doesn't wake up until close to 7. We have a few mutual friends, but I'm not sure if they would be willing to help out. I don't want to suggest names and put anyone on the spot.
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@jedeve: I'm pretty sure she was hinting. A couple days ago she posted the situation on her facebook wall and got a few posts from people saying they wish they could help, but they are too far away, etc. I think she wants someone to offer.
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I want to say I'm a pretty nice person... but I wouldn't voluenteer for even a day. Reading through most of this thread.... she should just shell out money for a baby sitter / nanny for a week (care dot com).
Like you said... if it was for a few hours (3 max - maybe a bit more if it was a super close friend)... no problem but 13 hours... no way... even if I wasn't pregnant.
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@aprild: Most universities these days have childcare available. Sometimes it's easy to get in, sometimes there's a waiting list. Some do it on a limited time basis (e.g. a week) while others require your kid to be enrolled the entire semester. But she should definitely look into that as a possibility.
There's no way I would take care of someone else's kid for 13 hours for free unless we had the kind of relationship where I knew that kind of devotion would be reciprocated.
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1) Depends on how close you are. Also if she's just dropping hints and not asking, I wouldn't address it. That's really passive-aggressive way to get what you want.
2) If you were close, I would offer a day or two. Not the whole week, especially without pay. No way.
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First I wrote that I would do it for a day or two, but after reading that she could probably afford another option, I wouldn't offer. She's not your best bud and you feel like crap. I'd suggest care.com.
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I would offer one day. Hopefully she has other friends who can help out too but she may have to hire a babysitter.
Even if she wanted to do one week of daycare, anyone who has LOs in daycare knows it does not work that way most of the time. There are wait lists and I doubt you could enroll for just one week. There are drop-in centers but I know I researched the ones in my area when I was in a childcare bind and I didn't feel great about them.
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No one else in her family seems to want to step up, so there's no way I would. It almost seems like a red flag that maybe she takes advantage and they've all had enough. You don't want to end up in the same boat. Her DH should rearrange his plans, she should work something out with her professors (don't most colleges have child development centers??), she should work something out with family, or look into hiring someone just for the week. I was super sick with m/s just a year ago and I haven't forgotten how hard it is to survive with just one kid, I wouldn't add someone else's into the mix.
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I wouldn't do it. There are daycares and young adults needing babysitting jobs. Don't stress yourself out over it.
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The problem, as I see it, is finding a short term option. I know we've discussed it before, but speaking from experience here, my son at that age, or even now, for that matter, wouldn't do so well being dropped off in a totally new place for a week, it would probably cause more trouble than it is worth. So, I would miss the first week of classes if I couldn't figure something out.
Because of this, I would try to help out my friend.
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@looch: I completely agree. First of all, I couldn't afford to hire someone. If I could, it would be way too much stress for my kid who has never been with anyone aside from us and family. So, if I couldn't find someone LO already knew, I would skip classes too and be honest with my Profs.
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I've been in this situation before, when I felt like one of my friends were pressuring me to offer to take their LO for the day, but I had to come straight out and say I didn't feel confident having 2 LO's in my care all day....because that is the truth.
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@looch: @Greentea: I am in a similar situation now (bed rest, not school), and need full time childcare for LO, and it has meant the world that so many friends have reached out and volunteered to help with LO. I think any offer, no matter how small, would be much appreciated.
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I definitely would. She is trying to go to school and it would jeopardize her whole semester. Just think about how your son would have a playmate. That always makes time fly by and they take great naps when entertained.
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If you'd be comfortable with a day or two you would be generous to offer that.
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Can you offer to do half days? Like 12-6pm? Maybe she can go in late for the 1st week?
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Maybe also being a full time college student has me jaded, but this sounds pretty ridiculous to me. School didn't change the start date, she's either lying about 'suddenly finding out' or she paid no attention to the actual start date when she enrolled. And it's really not hard to arrange your classes to only be there 2 or 3 days a week, especially when you have a crazy commute and are depending on others for FREE childcare!
But as others have said, Putting your child in daycare for a week is not an easy thing. And it has nothing to do with money - most day cares won't take a child for just one week. But it sounds like she needs to hire a sitter. If she can pay for college while saving up for other things, she can hire a babysitter for a week. Don't feel pressured to help while really sick because she planned poorly and doesn't want to pay for child care. Child care is a stretch for us on top of tuition, but we budget hard and make it work because I don't want to pressure or take advantage of friends/family like this.
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I would offer one day of time, but not the whole week that's too much of a commitment. Maybe 2 if I was feeling nice, since you've only known her for a short time it seems like a lot to ask (or well not ask but hint)
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@wonderstruck: I was thinking the same thing about the school schedule! 5 days full time of just classes? Not likely.
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@californiadreams: Yeah, something is definitely fishy with that.
Most schools won't even let you take more than 16 credit hours (which means she spends 16 hours a week in class, for anyone not familiar with how that works.) It would be difficult to impossible for her to manage to make those 16 hours take up every single day Monday through Friday, they would be incredibly spaced apart. Setting up your schedule so terribly when you have a child that your friends and family are watching for free seems pretty shitty. I suspect she is taking advantage, particularly since OP's friendship with her is new and yet she's hinting for her to help with this and posting about her dilemma on FB and whatnot.
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@wonderstruck: that's a good point. When I was a senior and commuted (all of two minutes!) I set up my classes to be Tuesday and Thursday only. More time to party! Kidding.
But for real. She's 2.5 hours away, and has to be there at 7am? Classes usually don't even start until 8.
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