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@Anagram: This is exactly the thing I was talking about. I wish I had friends in the building to do this with!
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I know quite a few people who do this in NYC apartments and think it's a great idea. I agree that it's very difficult for those who have never lived in a close quarter apartment situation to understand.
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@meredithNYC: agree. I could hear my neighbors cough, I could most certainly hear their fire alarm
I understand what people are saying about having your child on the other side of a locked door, but we're talking about compact living spaces - it's basicaly like saying you wouldnt lock the bathroom door in your house while your LO was home.That said, while I would hang out with my close neighbors and take a monitor with me, like @princessbaby said, I would leave the building because I would want my kid to the be the priority in the event of an emergency.
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@Sapphiresun: I'd be fine with it, as you said it is no farther than in a large home.
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I think it's easy for single family home dwellers to say no. With that being said, I am a single family home dweller who would def consider it in your case.
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In the summers, we sit out in our driveway for drinks and the fire pit (or our neighbor's driveway) and everyone has their monitors with them while their children sleep inside. We are all within 30-60 seconds of our children, but are not actually at our house. I think this is okay, so I don't see how trusting a very close friend/neighbor would be much different.
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@Smurfette: I'm surprised by everyone thinking this is ok too. I wouldn't do it. My mind jumps to worse case scenario! Even if the area is small, it's still separate living area. But then again, I don't like the idea of my babies upstairs while my bedroom is downstairs. I feel like I couldn't get to them quick enough in an emergency. Guess I'm overprotective!
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I would do it - it sounds fine to me!
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I would do it! Heck, I've walked the dog with the monitor turned all the way up and I always stay within range. On summer nights, we go out and sit in the hammock while she's asleep in her room.
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@hotchildinthecity: @Anagram: in our place it takes way longer to get to the car or take out the trash than it would to walk into our neighbors place
they leave me with a video (iPad) monitor that shows all rooms, so I would definitely see if there was anything going on.
City living! -
I think I would be too paranoid to do this for longer than a few minutes. Are your husbands ever home at night? Maybe you could swap babysitting services? Her husband stays home while she comes over to your place and vice versa. I think that would be a cool arrangement! Otherwise, I wouldn't leave my kids "alone".
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In theory, I don't see a problem with it. I've lived in NYC apartments and I've been way closer to my next door neighbor there, than I am to my husband in our current single-family home when we are on separate floors. But... I'm so paranoid, I don't know if I could ever do it. All the crazy, implausible 'what if' scenarios would drive me crazy.
@smurfette: wouldn't you feel safer locking the door behind you if you went to get the mail, w/your LO in the house? I'd be terrified that someone would sneak into my house during those few seconds!
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@pinkcupcake: The way our house is, they would have to pass me on the driveway to get into the house. But I still keep an eye on the door the whole time.
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Nope, couldn't do it. Makes me too anxious just thinking about it.
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It would probably take me longer to get from my basement to the nursery of our single home than it would to go across a hall and unlock a door. I would like to think I would do this. Although, like others, I would REALLY have to trust that other neighbour.
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I think it's fine. There's always going to be people coming up with crazy what-if scenarios anytime you're not right next to your LO, but that goes both ways. I don't live in an apartment, but the equivalent here is when I leave LO inside while I go get our mail (our mailbox is across the street, facing our house.) Some people say what if there's a fire or emergency, you better take the babies with you! Okay, well I think there's about as good of a chance as me getting hit by a car while I'm walking across the street as there is of a fire breaking out, know what I mean?
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People do this all the time in NYC.
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I would definitely do this, as long as I had a high quality monitor and a neighbour that I really, really trusted.
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Sounds fine to me. I'm not really a person to start imagining worst case scenarios. You can ruin anything that way.
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I would do it. If the baby monitor's coverage falls into the range of my apartment, then shoot, it's fine by me. Some houses, you need a range extender because the square footage is too large or it doesn't cover well upstairs to downstairs. If the baby monitor didn't work well and there was too much static, I'd be uncomfortable, but judging by the comments, I would totally do this for my neighbors and have them watch my kid for a quick gym run for myself.
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@wonderstruck: exactly! The things that we think could happen are never the ones that do. It's always something we never expected. You could be in your house with your baby and have a fire break out and not be able to get to them. The chances of either happening are slim.
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All these worst-case scenarios are a little silly, in my opinion. Of course, everyone has the right to do whatever makes them comfortable. But in reality, you're much more likely to die in a car accident (1 in 112) vs. a fire (1 in 1,418), and no one seems to think driving is an unreasonable risk. All of life is managing risk - otherwise we'd all just sit inside all day being very safe. But to each his own!
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I am kind of surprised at the replies regarding this, when I seem to remember a similar cruise ship scenario that was posed and subsequently torn to shreds on here. Madeleine McCan was brought up over and over. To me, both cases seem to be along the same lines, you're leaving a child alone, in a separate dwelling, for longer than 5 minutes. Is it the fact that it's your own home that makes the difference? That the neighbor would be in slightly closer proximity, albeit still in a different home? I don't live in an apartment building, so maybe I just don't get it.
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@erinpye: I don't remember that thread, but just a few of my own thoughts. 1. I wouldn't have a monitor on a cruise. 2. any "neighbour" would be a stranger. If it were a family member, I would just make them stay in the same cabin? 3. my own house totally does make a difference.
I've never been on a cruise though, so maybe I don't know what the heck I'm talking about! ha!
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@erinpye: I don't think its the same thing at all. The neighbor could get to her baby very quickly and hear her easily. I wouldn't expect a monitor to work as well, or for you to be able to get to baby quickly, on a cruise ship.
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We did this one time when DD was an infant. Our neighbors were moving (houses were about 8ft apart) and all their help bailed so DH and I went over after DD went to sleep and helped pack. It was only for about 2 hours and I went back to our house at least twice just to make sure things were fine.
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@.twist.: @wonderstruck: http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cruise-ship-safe-to-leave-toddler-by-himself-in-cabin#post-1206322
To me, a lot of these what ifs would be applicable in both situations, yet are only dismissed as "silly" on this thread. Like I said, maybe I just don't get it-- it just surprised me.
Obviously I'm uncomfortable, equally, with both scenarios.
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@erinpye: Yea. I still think there are far more risks with cruise/hotel. Staff having access, complete strangers everywhere. Even in an apartment building, there are less completely random (more residents, living there) than on a cruise or in a hotel where people visit from all over the world. I realise there are still risk, obviously, but I feel like there are far MORE risks on a cruise/hotel.
Also, in this particular scenario, the parent isn't "technically" leaving them alone, with someone in "the next room" with a key and a monitor. I just don't think the two can be compared the same way.
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I think it would make me too uncomfortable, because if something happened I would always blame myself.
But my mom said when she lived in Japan, moms would put their babies down for naps and walk to the grocery store down the block! So I think it's cultural.
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@erinpye: to me the differences are huge and clear. The McCann case had parents putting their kids without any type of a monitor alone in a public motel-type place (with doors directly to the outside), while they went to dinner elsewhere on the property---no one in a room next door had a monitor directly on the kids.
Plus, in my building you have to be buzzed in (and my old building where the gatherings took place had a doorman), cameras everywhere, and it's an inside building--no doors to the outside, on the 28th floor where no one can come in through a window. It's way more secure than a stand alone house with a parent 8 feet away holding a monitor that has video/sound of the sleeping child.
Just totally different scenarios.
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@erinpye: I think the reason they're more easily dismissed is because in this case there is a neighbor who can be across the hall and attending to her child in less than a minute if she hears something over the monitor. The cruise ship scenario was not like this at all. That was just leaving the baby totally alone and hoping for the best since there wouldn't be anyone with a monitor or a trusted person right next door to rush over if he needed something. It doesn't even have to be a crazy what-if scenario; if baby wakes up hysterical and needs someone, in this situation the neighbor would be right there. In the cruise scenario baby would cry alone for who knows how long - and if the people in nearby cabins do hear and alert someone that baby has been left alone...that could be pretty bad. Even on this thread people brought up checking if there were any legal problems with this plan.
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@wonderstruck: what if she hears nothing over the monitor, but something does happen?
Leaving a child in a separate dwelling, that is supposed to be somewhat soundproofed and its own contained home, alone, is the same to me, across all situations: apartment, hotel, cruise, doesn't matter.
Agree to disagree here
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I absolutely would. The fire issue is such a low probability that I wouldn't even worry about it, if I knew that I had working alarms. The cruise/hotel situation is a bit different, what with other people having access to the room. I'd be unlikely to do it in that environment.
Although, at family camp, we do this all the time. My parents were (luckily) housed in the room next door to ours, and they just took the monitor at night, or during naptime, if they were going to be right outside the house. But that's an intentional community, and a little different.
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@erinpye: A cruise would also be different to me, even if a family member was next door with a monitor, because of the electronic key cards. They don't always work. So you could wind up with a situation where you couldn't get back in to the baby.
I think in theory I would be fine doing something like this, but in reality I worry too much to do it. But I also don't live in a similar situation so it would never be an option.
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I would totally do it...if you can trust your neighbor and the monitor works in her house. I wish I could have such neighbor.
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I couldn't. I've lived in an apt with my first and I couldn't imagine locking the door and leaving even if someone was watching him in close proximity in another appartment. There's been so many times where I've had to sprint to my kids rooms when they're coughing, screaming for me, etc....I just couldn't do it. I'm also a super anxious parent though. I always think worse case scenario.
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@erinpye: I assumed we were talking about a video monitor. If we're talking about just an audio, my answer is definitely no.
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@erinpye: clearly you've never been in an NYC apartment.
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Without a doubt I would do this if I trusted my neighbor! This is no different than letting a baby sitter watch TV on a different floor when LO is sleeping, in my opinion.
Believe me, I get the irrational fear, I'm an expert in it! I can catastrophize any situation with the best of them. I just usually force myself to ignore that part of my fear and go on with life anyways.
Anytime you leave your LO with someone else you are opening up the opportunities for bad things to happen. My guess is that the chances of the caregiver (not yours, just in general) being a child molester are probably greater than of a fire.
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@erinpye: you summarized exactly what I was thinking! Even if it's technically "closer" it's still a separate dwelling with a locked child inside. I don't know if there is anyone besides immediate family that I would trust enough for this scenario.
I understand what people are saying about having your child on the other side of a locked door, but we're talking about compact living spaces - it's basicaly like saying you wouldnt lock the bathroom door in your house while your LO was home.
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