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I think it's a statement along the lines of "a chain is only as strong as its weakest link."

Think about it, if your kid is sad, or going through some emotional things, it can affect you as a parent. My son was recently going through some tough times at school and all I could think about was how much I would fall apart if he came to me when he was older and told me that kids were calling him names and telling him they wouldn't sit with him at lunch.

So.far it's been more "only as strong as much as my kid decides to sleep," kind of thing, but I can see the truth in the first article for sure as he gets older.

We are responsible for our own unhappiness but a child is part of you. I hurt when my husband is hurt and it's even more true for the baby.

I think it's true to an extent--esp while kids are young! When they are older and develop their own personalities and issues, then I think it's more healthy if everyone is responsible for their own happiness (as long as family is still willing to help when necessary).

It just makes me think about my sister who is schizophrenic. My mom has had some major highs and lows with her (MAJOR highs and lows--like my sister living on the street doing god knows what to having her be on all her meds and almost "normal"), and one thing my mom does is make sure she doesn't get TOO wrapped up in my sister's highs and lows, because then my mom wouldn't be able to function at all and help my sister as much as she does.

I don't think I really feel like you're only as happy as ypur unhappiest child. I think that when my kids or my husband are unhappy I feel empathy, but not neccessarily unhappiness. I am in the camp of the second writer that we're responsible for our own feelings. It's one thing that I really want my kids to absorb from teaching about our values.

@Rainbow Sprinkles: totally agree

I mean it hurts when anyone you love is hurting. And since you love your kids SO much, yes I think it hurts a lot when they are hurting. But I think I (and most people here) are at the phase where what our kids are sad about is fleeting and trivial so it doesn't really affect me. But when your kids are teens and having more serous unhappiness I can see it bumming me out more.

@Anagram: great points!

IMO the author of the NYT article isn't talking about tantrums and toddler mood swings. After all, she references her 12-year-old daughter. I think if my child were going through a rough time such as being bullied at school then the saying would be true for me. Even when my LO is really sick I have a hard time being happy knowing how much pain and discomfort she's experiencing.