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Bumping for those who might need it. You're not alone!
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Hi everyone, even though this is a quiet thread I thought I'd post. It is coming up to a week since my D&C. Feels like an eternity ago in some ways, but also like life before it was a lifetime ago too...if that makes sense. The past week has been a lot easier than I thought, but today I all of a sudden feel really down and out about everything again
Has anyone else felt this way? I feel silly even for asking, I'm sure lots have! But I'm hoping there's some explanation like hormones, for example, to rationalise why I am dreading the week ahead. It's winter and Sunday in Australia - both of these facts are just killing my mojo today.
Any tips on how to get through this next week would be awesomely appreciated. Thanks in advance
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@Nutella: I have no tips, you just come out the other side somehow.
I had stronger reactions at odd times. I cried after waking from my D&C but then was fine for days until it hit me. Everyone processes differently, have a good cry and be kind to yourself. Am also in Oz... so is @jaguar:!
I had a painful reminder this week. A friends baby who was born the day we had our first scan turned 3 months. I can't believe it's been 3 months, it feels like yesterday and forever ago.
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@Nutella: Totally normal. I can't believe we're all in Australia - crazy! =)
Tomorrow marks exactly 1 year since we had found out that we had lost our little one. The day after that, is our D&C anniversary. It still hurts, all this time later.
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@AprilFool: thanks for that, I hear you on the feeling it at random times. My poor DH doesn't quite know what to do when the sadness hits! And it's weird, like I can see it happening but can't stop it. Sorry to hear about your reminder
@jaguar: sending a virtual hug to you for tomorrow. Definitely do something for yourself & feel all the feelings. I hope the weather gods are good to you!
I'm in freezing cold melbs - full disclosure - I'm actually a kiwi in melbs so that's me
You girls will appreciate this: when I was getting woken up from my general anaesthetic sleep after the D&C, the nurse who was saying my name looked exactly like Hugh Jackman but with an earring - it was pretty special
Thanks again for the comments ladies! Xx
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@nutella: I definitely felt like my loss changed my life to the point where for about a year, I thought of my life in terms of "before loss" and "after loss" ...this was exacerbated by having a really tough year of other difficult events (workplace flooded, family death, questioning career choice) and long-term physical effects of the loss.
I definitely had bad, sad times of grieving even several month after. Yet, the length and frequency of actual grieving did lessen over time. Eventually the good days outweighed the bad, etc. For me it was so important to talk it out on here and in real life... I hope you find what works for you
@jaguar: I'm so hopeful for your new clinic with new protocols and starting a cycle with them from the very start! I think I've read that you've started a BC cycle, like the one that resulted in Georgia? About when would you be doing egg retrieval, do you know yet?
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@Nutella: My mum bought me a voucher for a massage for my birthday, so she's going to watch my daughter while I go for that this afternoon. It couldn't have come at a better time. Learning to be kind to myself after all this time.
@AprilFool: Big hugs for the reminder. My little nephew was born a week after we were due, and he's divine, but a very visual reminder of what could have been. xxx
@DesertDreams88: Yes, we're doing a loooooooooong down-reg IVF cycle again. Meds start later this week, but retrieval won't be until September, not entirely sure. It's frustrating constantly waiting, but I'm trying to be patient and hope this is the right choice for a different outcome. More doesn't always equal better, especially in our case.
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@jaguar: What a hard anniversary. I hope you enjoyed your massage. It's so important to be kind and look after yourself. I hope the day passes uneventfully.
September feels very far away but it's only next month!@Nutella: That's not a bad way to wake up
I am in Brisbane so no wintery weather for us. Yeah my DH didn't know how I was going to react sometimes. One moment I would be fine and the next a mess but it's really evened out, I think about it often but don't get so sad anymore.
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@Nutella: checking in on here. I feel the same way! Tomorrow has been one month since my ectopic surgery AND would have been my 12week date had the pregnancy stuck. I do really good most days, and then cry suddenly over something that reminds me of baby.
My period started today too, now to decide if we are to try again or take more time to heal. We Ttc for a year before the ectopic.
How are you doing today? You are still really fresh with it- it took me until now to be mostly "okay". Hang in there. -
Popping in to say hi. My D&C was this past Wednesday so starting out the long road.
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@LibbyLou: *hugs* Trying to TTC again can be so hard. It's terrifying to think about the future after a loss. But most girls who started out on this board are long gone now, some with babies in arms, so there's definitely hope.
@JoJoGirl: Hope you're doing ok chick. x
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@LibbyLou: hope you go ok today, and decide the right plan for you.
I think I've tried to blank out my would-be dates, just because there are so many of them, and they'll just make me glum...but you're right, it's all very fresh still so I'm just riding the waves this week. I actually went to the gym this morning, LO visited the crèche there. Definitely helps having some endorphins circulating, it has been ages since I've pushed myself fitness wise...it's a welcome distraction from the emotional swings! -
@JoJoGirl: hope the road ahead isn't too long for you!
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@LibbyLou: DH and I decided we needed time before TTC again. We booked a holiday for November and will start again then. I feel good about the decision, it means I have had time to process and now am starting to feel excited about ttc rather than anxious.
@JoJoGirl: Hi. Sorry to see you joining us!
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@AprilFool: Thanks. Sorry to be here, haha.
@Nutella: Me too! I'm trying to just blank out any dates, weeks, ultrasounds etc and go back to the "not pregnant" mindset (vs. the "just had a loss" mindset). Focusing on pushing hard at the gym, watching what I eat, making plans, and once I'm allowed and off D&C antibiotics, drinking a LOT of wine
Just trying to think about where I was in June, pre-BFP, and just return to that. "JUST" haha.@jaguar: Thanks mama.
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@AprilFool: holiday in November sounds great & such a great idea to think about getting yourself excited (vs anxious) to TTC again...definitely like that angle as it can only be good for you! Xx
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@JoJoGirl: how'd you switch the mindset? I didn't get any antibiotics, but I'm thinking I should probably wait until I'm off the Vicodin before I start drinking heavily.
@AprilFool: that sounds like a great plan. I want to jump right back into it, but DH needs some time, and I probably need it too. (Even if I don't want to wait).
@jaguar: hi, friend. When is your next transfer? I hope you get to graduate soon...
I'm so sad to see so many lovely ladies here. I hope we all get our take home babies soon.
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@Crystal: I'm really angry to see you here again. The universe has a lot of explaining to do. =(
I feel like I'll never leave this thread sometimes. How sad is that?
I'm at the beginning of a long down-reg IVF. Have been jabbing with Lucrin for 5 days, bloods this week, and if all looks good, hopefully will start the Puregon stims later this week. No retrieval until at least September, all going well x
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I've really appreciated reading your posts and want to share my story/join this thread.
1. What is your story? We have one LO from my first marriage, the light of my life. Current DH and I began trying in November 2014, conceived on first try, MC at 6 weeks in December 2014. Tried again and conceived on first cycle post MC only to MC again, this time at 10 weeks, on March 30th, 2015.
2. How do you feel today? Like I am still grieving. The first MC was difficult but the second one was crushing. I think about it everyday. I become teary about it at least once a day. I've kept most of my feelings inside, which I realize isn't helpful, but alas, I do. Hubby seems to think it will all be fine and we'll just keep trying but I'm 35, and scared about the what ifs. Two MC in a row just seems really scary to me. I worry if it will never happen for us and even that thought alone feels devastating to me.
3. If you have any "next steps" what are they? We've been to a fertility clinic, had heaps of testing done, everything comes back normal and the dr says just keep trying, so for now, we will. Currently in the 2ww...
4. What coping strategies have worked the best for you? Only recently have I began exercising again, which seems to have helped a little bit, I had stopped when we first became pregnant in November because I was paranoid about shaking the baby around inside me and then I just never started again. I was really sad and very tired after the second loss, it took awhile for me to get going again. Other than that, I did some writing following the second MC and found that really helped to get the bad/negative thoughts out of my head that were looping around and around.
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@jaguar: fingers crossed for you! Progress feels so good, and I'm so happy for you.
I know exactly what you mean. I can't believe I'm back here... Worse off than I was before, with less hope. (Please, please no one take that offensively. I really hope/pray/wish you all graduate, it just sometimes feels like I never will).
@Autumnmama79: welcome. I'm glad you found your way to us, but sad you had to. I've also (now) had two losses in a row, and I agree it's terrifying. Exercise is so good for you mentally and physically.
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@Crystal: Thank you for your reply, I'm sorry to hear that you've also had two losses in a row. It really is devastating. Somehow the burden is lifted just a tiny bit in knowing there is someone else sharing in this struggle.
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@Autumnmama79: just wanted to say hi, and so sorry for your losses.
I was told that having two or three MCs in a row is still no cause for concern, and often is just a matter of trying again - probably not helpful sorry, but just what I was told (I must have asked 'what if this happens again?') anyway, I think you've come to the right place for support and helpful advice - hope the TWW is not too stressful this time! Fingers and toes crossed for you. X
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@Nutella: Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I read your post about the day you had your scan and found out you were mc. When you described, the floor was falling out from under you and the walls were closing in, that really struck a chord with me - thats exactly how I felt. I hope the physical healing has begun for you and you're able to find some comfort in your family.
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@Autumnmama79: thank you
the memory of that feeling will stay with me for a while I think...I kept saying to my husband that I wouldn't wish this on anybody!
But I can say that each day is helping, and keeping hopeful for the future - whatever it may look like. I also know I need to get back into my yoga, it always does wonders for my mind & soul...feeling strange about seeing the teacher at the new studio I was going to. She knew I was in early pregnancy & so always asked how it was going - unsure if I'm up for that convo yet
Hope you are going ok & getting lots of cuddles from your LO -
Today is my birthday and the day we were supposed to announce to our families.
Im so, so sad.
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@Crystal: My heart hurts for you. Sending hugs and love your way.
P.s. Happy birthday!
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@AprilFool: thanks. I really really appreciate all the support I've received here.
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@Crystal: sending lots of healing vibes and hugs your way, I'm so sorry about this shitty timing
definitely spoil yourself today though -
@Nutella: I'm trying to avoid birthday things all together, it's just to painful. I'm not up to going out and about just yet, but DH and I are definitely planning for a couple day trips later this week.
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@Nutella: I should get back to yoga, I always feel better when I'm doing it regularly.
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@Crystal: love & hugs to you, dear. Today must be another difficult day for you since you were expecting to surprise your families. Sending you healing thoughts & hoping you get your take home baby one of these days very soon.
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@GoGoSnoGirl: thank you. I really hope so... I'm feeling especially raw today, but I'm trying to keep the faith it will happen for us.
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@Crystal: hugs to you. I hope you got through the day ok. I know this isn't the way you had planned it. Please do keep the faith. It will happen for you. Xo
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@Crystal: Sending you special love today on your birthday - and a tough day it will be. Look after yourself, lovely. x
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@jaguar: @delight: thanks, friends.
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@crystal: I remembered you talking about your birthday and wondering if it had come yet. I imagine by now the day is almost over (time zones) but I know the pain isn't. I've thought about you every day recently and I pray you receive healing and comfort, and that your take-home baby is comes right when you are ready for them.
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@DesertDreams88: it's about 8pm, and DH and I have been hiding away most of the day. I really appreciate all your prayers and kind thoughts, thank you. I hope our take home baby is soon,
I'm not sure how much more of this we can take. -
@Crystal: I'm so sorry about how sad today must feel, I hope there were a couple of small moments that you and dh were given a reprieve from the hurt. I understand when you say you don't know how much more you can take. I felt the very same after my second mc and actually contemplated not trying again because I worried I might physically and emotionally never recover from a 3rd loss. But in a couple months I mustered up the courage and felt ready to try again. All in good time and I hope you have a restful evening.
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@Autumnmama79: thank you. I know it will take time, and in a few months I hope to be in a much better place mentally. I'm so sad you've gone through this too, but it makes me feel less alone to know others have experienced it too.
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@Crystal: yes, definitely remember that you aren't alone...lots of people here thinking of you.
I am in Brisbane so no wintery weather for us. Yeah my DH didn't know how I was going to react sometimes. One moment I would be fine and the next a mess but it's really evened out, I think about it often but don't get so sad anymore.
definitely spoil yourself today though 
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