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@simplyfelicity: my chest is terrible!!!
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@simplyfelicity: Yes to some increased breakouts. My skin was better while pregnant.
@jaguar: I'm so sorry. I hope your OB knows exactly the right things to say to put you at ease.
@Tidybee: Sorry about the hormonal weight gain. It took my body (my metabolism?) quite a while to reset after my first m/c.
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@mrs bunchy: @FliegepilzHut: I am glad I am not "alone." I mean, I am glad it seems normal and probably just a hormone thing. How are you ladies doing? Any plans for the day?
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@simplyfelicity: I'm back at work tomorrow...and fully expect it to be crazy, so I've been lounging.
We're planning to go with a friend for tasty Chinese food tonight.
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I got to play with a very sweet 2.5 month old last night...and now (possibly unrelated) am having a surge of self-pity and "why me, anyway???" IF and recurrent loss feels like such a double-whammy.
Is anyone else feeling the same way?
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@FliegepilzHut: Sorry!
I went to Target yesterday and EVERY ONE is pregnant. My sis is due in Sept and has been super sensitive and hasn't talked about her baby...I had to tell her it was ok. I can't wait for my nephew to be born. For some reason, it's harder with strangers, coworkers, acquaintances etc.
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@FliegepilzHut: @simplyfelicity: I agree that it's harder with people I'm not as close to.
I had my first major meltdown over Easter. My family knows someone who's a surrogate (which I'm not totally against, but she HATES being pregnant and is doing it for the money...not because she particularly wants to help the people she gets pregnant for) and her being pregnant with a baby she didn't want, seeing my cousin's new baby who was born the day I miscarried, and then my mom's church friend asking how I was doing....and I completely lost it.
My SIL was pregnant at the time (and I'd been staying with her) and she totally felt like it was all her fault...but I had no hard feelings toward her whatsoever. She was my rock during my MC and I love her babies to death! It's just different there.
But the totally random girl who was at the happy hour I went to on Friday...I could have killed her with the daggers coming out of my eyes! lol
Although I had a great night last night and was over the moon to have DH go to church with me today...we got some photos back and I sort of hate half of them. DH picked what I wore (since I didn't know where we were going) and he picked an empire waist dress. I hate that so many of them look like maternity photos.
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@MaryM: Ugh...I am sorry. You mentioned having a meltdown before and I wasn't sure what happened there. I can see why! It's so thoughtful your DH responded with a wonderful date. I am sorry you aren't crazy about the pictures but, it's sweet that he picked out a dress he thinks you look beautiful in. That's got to count for something!
I think one of the reasons it is different with strangers and acquaintances is that their baby is going to have little to no effect on your life. It reminds me of what I dont have. My nephew, on the other hand, is going to be such a blessing and joy. It might be a little hard once I hold him, but I will just be so happy he is here. It probably also "helps" that my sister was already 7 months along or so when I found out. It would probably be harder if we were due around the same time. -
@simplyfelicity: It's definitely hardest when it seems like everyone EXCEPT me... Mostly I do get excited for people I know and LOVE playing with their babies...it's just every so often that it seems so stinkin' unfair...
@MaryM: That sounds like an absolute perfect storm! Do you ever find yourself wishing there were a way to avoid pretty much all potential triggers (sounds like a fantasy to me)?
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@FliegepilzHut: If it is a close friend or family member, I am super happy for them. I saw a woman with a 9 month old or so and was probably 5 months along. Now, that stung a bit.
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@FliegepilzHut: Uh, yeah. I think avoidance led me to hide half my friends from my facebook feed so I didn't have to see their kids. And I think it's part of why it's hard for me to go to church. So many babies there!
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@simplyfelicity: That's why I'm struggling so much with SIL being pregnant. I was due 5 days before her. 5 days!!!! So ridiculous. It should have been so good... and now, it's the worst possible scenario. They better not mind me stealing their baby and having big, giant cries with them. (Half happy/half devastated.)
On our way to OB. Nervous.
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@jaguar: That sounds awful.
I am sorry you are nervous! My post D & C appointment was the only OB appointment I wasn't nervous for because they couldn't possibly tell me anything worse. But I know you did the chromosome testing. Please let us know how it goes. I am praying you have peace.
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@jaguar: Thoughts and prayers for you!
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@MaryM: Aw, I love this idea! I'm in Canada so if it is easier to do US only I understand. Such a nice idea!
@FliegepilzHut:
This is my first loss, I can't imagine how recurrent losses feel. My SIL has had at least four losses and still no take home baby, I want to reach out to her to see how she is but I honestly don't know what to say, or whether she even wants me to reach out. I hope work goes well tomorrow.@jaguar: Good luck with the OB
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@travelgirl1: I just got a text from a friend who said - "i know how difficult this year has been for you. Everyone asks how you're doing right after the losses but not when time passes. So I wanted to just check in and see how you are still doing and let you know I'm still thinking of you." It was seriously the sweetest thing. I don't even know how ot respond.
Remember my post about 2 of my girlfriends not saying anything about my m/c? We had dinner tonight with DHs and the LOs. I brought up my miscarriages just in the context of how hard it was to find babysitters during the day for all of the appointments. She asked if I had a new doctor from DD's birth (obviously yes, we moved an hour away). And i said I had one doctor for one miscarriage but switched to a different practice which I had during this miscarriage that I'm much happier with. And she said, oh that's good! Nothing like - gosh, that must have been hard, i'm sorry you had to go through that...nothing! We were alone. I guess I should have taken the opportunity to say something...but what do i even say? ya know? -
@travelgirl1: I agree with @Tidybee:
I think sometimes it's really nice for someone to say something just to acknowledge they know you've been through rough times...even if they don't have to necessarily respond.
I had a bit of a rough time at my cousins' ladies weekend this year. The older generation couldn't seem to talk about anything but grandchildren. And it was just a couple months after my MC. I went with one cousin on a wine run and she was super nice about saying something and acknowledging how sometimes it can be just as hard when people say nothing.
I hate that it's such a taboo subject to bring up. A friend of mine had a MC just a month or two before me, and I was afraid of making her feel bad if I asked her questions, but thankfully I reached out. It's been such a blessing to both of us to be able to talk to each other when we've needed to vent or share feelings or whatever.
I think even a simple "I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and praying for you" can be really comforting.
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@Tidybee: It is so true isn't it, that people think a few weeks/months is all it takes to get back to normal mentally. I did send her a message a few weeks ago to ask how she was, I think I'll do that again, not expecting a reply, just to check in. She had her third loss when I was pregnant with LO, she was due a month after me. LO is 21 months now and SIL just had another loss a month ago. I don't know if she's had further losses inbetween those two, but I know she wants a baby with all her heart.
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We were at a close friends' wedding this weekend and got to meet our other friends' 16 day old daughter. I didn't ask to hold her because I just couldn't. Everyone around was saying that we should really have a second and how great of a big brother my son would be. I smiled, congratulated them, stroked her hair....then walked behind a corner and sobbed.
Just a hard moment, impacted further by the fact that our timing this month sucked so we're moving onto cycle #13. -
@travelgirl1:
Your SIL is so brave... No one should have to be that brave. 
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@Keppa:
Now that I have experienced a loss (we'll 2 in a row,) I will never ever ask a woman when she is thinking of having a baby. Ever.
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@Keppa:
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@simplyfelicity: Agreed. I know it's meant with the best of intentions, mostly from women I know who aren't yet married, but it still hurts.
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@Keppa: Major hugs!!
And to think, I used to just find those questions annoying. I had no idea how much those words could hurt.
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@jaguar: FX for a good follow-up today!
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@simplyfelicity: my plans for the day were just hanging around while DH was doing his fantasy football draft... It's that time again!! I am always looking for a new craft so whipped this up-
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@Tidybee: If it makes you feel any less "alone" most of my friends stopped checking in like 2 days after I told them and some not at all after the first text. Most have not had a baby or started TTC yet so I think they feel really awkward about it but it still hurts. I would still feel better if they reached out to me. I will be honest and say that I was a little jealous when I read the care package thread and bees were listing little things they got from friends and loved ones... I am not throwing myself a pity party but I could help but compare.
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@MaryM: I agree. I went on a walk with my MIL a couple days ago and she said nothing...like nothing. Sometimes I feel like people just want me to forget.
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@travelgirl1: That is so heartbreaking. I will keep her in my prayers.
@mrs bunchy: Super cute! I was working on this flower project.Also, what are we drinking tonight? !
[picture removed at the request of the OP]
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@Keppa: I'm so sorry...
@MaryM: It is such a blessing to have a confidante! You absolutely have to do what you have to (to protect yourself), but it feels so good when someone finally "gets it"!
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@simplyfelicity: I think, sometimes, others do want us to forget because while we still remember they feel awkward about not knowing what to say. My family was awesome about it at the time but DH's family, apart from one of his brothers who was a great support - never even mentioned it to me. Not once. They didn't even get in touch at all to acknowledge it
Oh, and I'm about to drink Chinese herbs
Not quite as tasty as a stonking great cocktail!
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@simplyfelicity: Rooibos tea...
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@simplyfelicity: love !!!!!
that typewriter is awesome! No drinks tonight.. Work bright an early tomorrow !! Yuck. You?
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@mrs bunchy: Thanks! DH actually got it for my birthday while we were dating. I am on the west coast and it's still early so I was thinking wine. I am in denial that tomorrow is Monday.
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@simplyfelicity: usually DH find ourselves in bed by 9... But we're still up downstairs watching the mtv awards. Lame, I know
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@mrs bunchy: Oh my gosh, that is stunning! I wish I was crafty.
@Keppa: Oh hon. My heart breaks for you. I totally understand. x
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@jaguar: thx
my MIL always cracks up at me.. When I start something- I need it done that day! I literally stained the wood and nailed the nails in while the stain was still wet.
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Appt update:
He did an ultrasound and everything is clear and lining is starting to thicken slightly already. All clear for life as per normal... whatever that is. (YAY FOR A BATH!!!)
Since he knows I don't get cycles, he's given me a deadline of October 1st - if no period by then, I'll go for a progesterone bloody test, make sure I haven't ovulated, then start Provera. Then it's back into the FET swing of things.
The genetic testing still isn't back yet {he reckons another fortnight} but he did have a couple of results for me - more since I'd done the NT bloods just before the appointment. Everything to do with me was fine: thyroid, immunities, iron, etc etc. The POC report says 'no evidence of abnormal trophoblastic proliferation'. Dr Wilson basically said that's a good indication that it's looking more likely to be an embryo issue, rather than a PCOS issue.
We also looked at the NT blood results, which were off the charts low. Georgia's PAPP-A was really low at 0.18, and her free BHCG was at 0.54. This baby was even lower. The results were 0.09 PAPP-A and 0.25 BHCG. AFP was down too, at 0.3.
I guess no real answers, but now we wait for the genetic testing to come back. Looking more likely it'll be a trisomy issue.
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@jaguar: Hooray for baths and a plan! I hope your tissue results come back faster than expected.
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@jaguar: Even though you didn't get all the info you wanted, I hope you feel more at ease now that the appointment is over.
Eta: Yay for baths! I am going to be honest, I can't wait to DTD! It's been a month because I was feeling so awful during first trimester but my OB said I had to wait for three weeks post D & C.
We're planning to go with a friend for tasty Chinese food tonight.
Is anyone else feeling the same way?
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