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I have ever heard of herbal remedies being used (my husband is big into them and would rather try that before anything else but I am less convinced of their effectiveness).

One thing we did (my son was a poor sleeper) was to take him to an osteopath. We lived in Europe at the time and it was very easy to find one, they were even covered as part of insurance. It was basically toddler relaxation/meditation.

Is it that she doesn't fall asleep, or that she doesn't stay asleep? What is the rest of her day like in terms of sleep, general schedule, etc?

I'm sorry things are so bad. We just went through something similar (not as bad) with my 12 month old being awake for hours in the middle of the night. We did the sleep lady shuffle for falling asleep at night a few months ago, so we did an abbreviated version for night wakenings, followed by a little cry it out. Honestly it was miserable for a week. During the process, she was awake all night, my husband and I were awake all night and occasionally, all the commotion woke up my 3 year old. I was so tired I thought I was going to have a mental breakdown. But, it worked, and now she's sleeping through the night. Honestly, I got through it because I knew that however bad being up all night for the week plus was, it was much better than containing to deal with the extended night wakenings any longer. Also, we both work, so no naps here during the week, but my husband and I took turns napping on the weekend to try to catch up on sleep a bit.

ETA: I know you have a toddler but you need to find a way to catch up on sleep for yourself. Nap in shifts with your husband on the weekend or alternate going to bed super early during the week. Sleep deprivation is torture and you cannot deal with a crying, also sleep deprived toddler in a healthy way when you are on the brink.

I was reading something recently about a cold diagnosed with a sleep disorder that was prescribed tryptofan.
I would definitely press your doctor. This is not normal and is destructive to your own health.

@Mama Bird: The sleep lady book talks a lot about understanding sleep cues. Kids go from tired to overtired to wired really quickly. If LO isn't going down when she is first tired, its possible that cortisol is kicking in and she's wired, and then its really hard to get her to sleep.

Where is LO sleeping? It is possible to just leave her in her room when she wakes up in the middle of the night (after checking on her)? Could you say "its night-night time. you can sleep or play quietly, but mama is going to bed?" We do this with LO1 when she won't nap.

@Mama Bird: Does DS have his own room? If so I would move the crib to his room and let DS sleep with you guys and see what happens - I think she needs an earlier bedtime and to be alone w/o distractions

Kind of a random thought/suggestion but could you hire a night nanny for a few nights a week? so that you could get some rest? I know that means $$ and not the best solution... but just a thought.

My daughter was a terrible terrible terrible sleeper too. I thought she had a sleeping disorder. But I weaned her at around that age and within 2 nights her sleep improved dramatically. I don't know if you are nursing but I thought I would throw it out there just in case.

I think you mentioned that her naps are fine. What times and how long are they? It almost sounds like "bedtime" is another nap for her, in terms of the length and being alert when she's up.

@mama bird: at least you're keeping your sense of humor about it What times/length are her naps? I know she's at daycare during the day, so it's different than bedtime, but on the weekends, how do naps look? Is your routine for them different than for bedtime?
Also, you said that she wakes up in a great mood. When you tried CIO, how long was she in a good mood waiting for you before she got mad? I know this isn't necessarily helpful since you have limited options at night, but I think @gingerbebe: is right that by walking around with her at night you are reinforcing that it's okay to be active and awake. I'm trying to think about whether it would help to keep the lights low and do a quick story, milk, song, etc. right near her crib and then try bedtime again, all while keeping your own voice super low and reinforcing that it's time to sleep.

I know a lot of people who used melatonin for toddlers to "reset" and recover from severe jet lag that was causing bedtime issues. Might be worth asking your child'S doctor!

@Mama Bird: I don't have specific advice but my niece was referred to a pediatric sleep specialist by her pediatrician when my sister was at her wit's end with her awful sleep patterns. (I think this is more than a sleep consultant?) They would have done a sleep study overnight but the specialist decided it wasn't necessary for other reasons and gave suggestions. Don't let your pediatrician blow you off!

DS is only 12 months but went through this during the 9 month sleep regression. Up for hours in the MOTN. It was brutal. Finally we had to commit to not picking him up from the crib. We basically did cio with checks every 5 minutes until he fell asleep. Like your lo, he would go to bed fine after the nighttime routine of dinner, bath, pjs, book and nursing to sleep and then would be up 2-5 times and sometimes for over 2-3 hours each. I didn't want to nightwean yet, so I decided after researching that I wouldn't nurse until at least 4 hours after he went to bed. DH would go in every time he cried, pat his back, sing a quick song and leave again, every 5 minutes until he went back to sleep. If he woke up after the four hours, I would nurse him and put him right back in the crib. Other than nursing, we never pick him up. Took a few nights but now he wakes up once to nurse and goes right back to sleep.
Also-quick side note but your other post implies that she takes naps in her car seat? Is that when you're out or all the time?

Benadryl, melatonin, and magnesium are the drugs you're thinking of. I'm another vote for early bedtime thoigh. My 16mo goes down at 6:30 and if we put her to bed too late she's hyper and can't settle down.

I'm so sorry. Is she on one nap or two? My LO is about the same age, and around a month ago she started waking up in the night and staying awake for awhile whenever she had 2 naps, but 1 nap days she would sleep through (even if it was the same total nap time).

Take care of yourself, too. Sleep deprivation is brutal.

My almost 13 month old gets wild and silly if he gets overtired..so I'd go with trying the earlier beditme.

Aside from that, we are in a 2 bedroom house with 2 kids as well, and honestly they room share and sleep better together than either of them would in our room. We have the crib and twin bed in somewhat of an L shape so their heads are not directly facing each other and I think it's taken the edge off of separation anxiety for lo2 and they're just used to bedtime together. Ds hasn't sttn the vast majority of their nights together but we just get him before dd is really up. Maybe if you can get that first part of the night started it would be worthwhile to switch. Or put the crib in the living room for a time?

Okay so I didn't read all the comments but a few things I noticed are sticking out to me as probably a huge part of the problem - First, if you are going to sleep train, you absolutely have to commit and follow through. If she has a really persistent personality, it might take a little longer but you cannot cave or you'll be way behind square one. Second, taking her out and going for walks in the middle of the night is just allowing her to manipulate you into playing with her and spending time with her. She knows that if she makes a fuss, you'll come get her up and go out. I'd suggest you sleeping in the living room or wherever and letting her have her own quiet space to sleep. Some kids can room share but it sounds like she's just really distractable. If you leave her alone for a while and sleep train, you could probably start sleeping in there again and see how it goes if there's no option for her to have her own room. Third, my daughter was waking up 2-3 times at night until I night weaned around 17 months and that solved the problem in a night or two.

It sounds like your just desperate and doing whatever you can to keep the peace, but I think you need to make a plan with your DH and COMMIT. Be strong!! This is so hard and being sleep deprived is the worst.